Morbid Curiosity
by Maahiyum
Summary: Sakura has seen every medical feat, but there is one person who still confuses her because his immortality doesn’t make any sense. Sakura sets to find out his secrets and a way to protect Naruto. Disembodied heads, Awkward moments, and ...Romance? HidaSak
1. Chapter 1: A Buried Hope

**Ok, so this my first story ever and its a crack fick so beware the Hidan X Sakura**

**and to anybody that bothers to read this story, please give me a review :)**

**oh yeah, I don't own any chracters in the story, obviously, but the plot was my idea, it's different from all the cliches that I've been reading so far**

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**Morbid Curiosity**

**_A Buried Hope_**

_Summary: After years of being a medic, Sakura has seen almost every kind of medical feat there is. But there is one person who still confuses her because his immortality doesn't make any sense. Sakura sets to find out his secrets and a way to protect Naruto._

"Come on….is that all you know?", Sakura could barely hold her pen straight as she took notes on what Shikamaru had to say. He looked at her critically before staring back up at the clouds. Sighing, he replied in a tone of finality,

"The guy was immortal, he was Akatsuki, and - he killed Asuma." _End of conversation. _Sakura looked at him and then looked away with a slightly resigned look on her face.

"So then….how did you defeat him?", she asked softly. Without taking his eyes of the clouds, he took a drag of his cigarette.

"I blew him apart and buried his pieces. He's here on my family's land, and whether he's alive or dead anymore, I don't care. He's not going anywhere. And besides-- He turned his head slightly to look at her-- why are you so interested in this guy?"

She stopped writing and looked back at him impassively for a moment before putting the lid back on her pen and flipping her notepad closed. She leaned back on her elbows and began.

"Shikamaru…you know as well as anyone else that I've been study medical jutsu for the last five years, my skills reached the same level as Tsunade-Shisou years ago. Now, I'm just trying to learn as much as I can about all other jutsus related to life and death and healing…you see…the thing is, I'll never be as strong as Naruto or Sasuke. They keep getting stronger and stronger, they're always learning new ways to become strong. I need to keep up with them if I'm going to be from their team."

"…"

"Besides- Sakura's voice grew smaller and wavered slightly- I want to protect Naruto. Akatsuki have always been after the jinchuuriki, they obviously know a lot about them and their bijuu…if he's alive, maybe…we can get him to spill some information."

Shikamaru's eyes widened and he looked at her incredulously,

"What!? You want to dig him up?!"

"Well…not all of him, you said his head could still talk when disconnected from the body…", Shikamaru relaxed again and thought the idea over. Finally, he sighed and spoke to her,

"I don't like it, but if it'll do Naruto any good, then maybe I'll help…", he left the sentence hanging.

"But what?", Sakura could barely keep the grin off her face as she tried to urge him on as seriously as she could.

"You need the Hokage's permission first. These things take time and planning.", he took another drag of his cigarette and let the smoke lazily join the clouds above the two jounin.

"Hai! Let's go then!", jumping up she picked up her things and grabbed his shoulder.

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'Knock! Knock! Knock!' **(A/N: I'm no good with onomatopoeias)**

Shikamaru and Sakura stood in front of the Godaime's office waiting to be let in. A moment later, a muffled 'Enter!' was heard from within and they opened the door to see a pair of ninjas leap out the window. Tsunade was standing by the window as the two came to stand in front of her desk. With a soft sigh, she turned around and sat in her chair and leaned back. Her eyes were closed as she asked them,

"Shikamaru, Sakura, do you need anything?"

No one spoke for a moment but then Sakura took a step forward with her hands clasped in front of her,

"We want permission to dig up the missing-nin Hidan of the Akatsuki." Tsunade's eyes shot open as she stuttered,

"W-What?"

"Well, I've thought about it a lot and since he's a member of Akatsuki, he may know things about the Bijuu and Jinchuuriki that we don't. This is a very good opportunity to gather information and we've had him for the last two years. Akatsuki probably believe him to be dead.", Sakura spoke quickly, unsure of Tsunade's reaction.

"We've gone without this particular bit of Akatsuki's information this long, I'm sure that whatever this member knows from two years ago isn't very updated. For all we know, he may not have a single idea of what's going on.", Sakura's face fell and her voice softened,

"But, Tsunade-Shisou, he may know something about Naruto and his bijuu…anything, even the smallest detail could help him…"

Shikamaru stepped forward and planted his hand firmly on her desk,

"Remember what happened last time? He lost control too quickly and nearly died and us along with him." This time, Tsunade's looked away and her lip quivered. She didn't want to risk the safety of the village or Naruto by exposing them all to an Akatsuki member. The threat for them all from having an Akatsuki member up and around was imminent: Once the rest of the evil organization found out, they would surely come for him or he would try to act on their behalf and fight them again.

"I know you're worried and I know exactly why…but I have a plan figured out if you're willing to allow this.", Shikamaru's voice was low as he spoke, he removed his hand from the desk and stretched back. By then, Shizune, who had run off with some papers came back in and was about to speak when she noticed the atmosphere of the room.

"Go on…", Tsunade commanded.

"We all know from previous experience that _Hidan_ is an immortal and can never be killed, however, when his head is detached from his body, his body can no longer function. But, as I recall, he managed to scream and threaten me as I blew the rocks over him, while his head was detached.-"

"So you want to only get his head out?"

"Hai", Sakura nodded in agreement.

"And then what? I'm sure he won't just willingly cooperate. Besides, carrying a talking head around will attract too much attention.", Tsunade smirked at the thought of the village elders talking to an Akatsuki's head.

"Shisou, that's when I come in. I'll keep his head at home with me and try to get him to give answers. When transporting him, we can just gag his mouth. I doubt he'll be able to do much harm, unless he can do jutsus with his tongue.", Sakura could see a plan forming and was ready to jump into action.

"Nobody else but us four will know, and I'll help her with interrogating the head. If there are any complications, we can quickly dispose of the head."

"Hmm….alright, but on one condition…", the hokage wouldn't let them go this easy.

"What is that?", the two jounins asked at the same time.

"I'd like to talk to the head myself, perhaps examine it. If he gives you any problems or whenever I see fit, you must turn him over to Ibiki for interrogation.", Sakura and Shikamaru looked at her with a slightly bewildered twitch under their eyes.

"Uhh…Tsunade-Shisou…how is Ibiki-San going to interrogate him? He'll only be a head…", she created a mental image of Ibiki pulling out a feather and tickling the head to no end. _Uhh...no way!_

"In reality, I have no idea, Sakura, but it's his job to interrogate people, even if they aren't completely people. Who knows, maybe he'll be able to find something out if you don't.", Tsunade shrugged and stood up to peer out the window again.

"You have my permission to …be in possession of an enemy shinobi's head for interrogation. Report to me once a day and bring the head by every three days. Only the four of us will know for now."


	2. Chapter 2: GraveRobbing

**I normally won't put chapters up this quickly, but this is all a spur of the moment for now**

**I'll also tell you now that I have NO IDEA where this story is going except that this will be a Hidan X Sakura Crack-Fic**

**one last thing: I don't own any of these characters but the plot is all mine so...**

**PleasePleasePlease review and tell me how my writing is and how you like the story so far )**

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**I also suppose that I should mention some things about the format:**

_Sakura's thoughts_

**_Inner-Sakura's Thoughts_**

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_**The occupier of a grave can report you for grave robbing**_

Sakura and Shikamaru left the Hokage's Tower and discussed the plan along the way. They decided that it'd be best for her to prepare everything at home first and find a 'method of transportation' for the talking head. Then, she'd meet him at his house the hour after sunset to go find the place Hidan was buried.

Sakura was at home, trying to figure out where she could keep the head and how they'd make it stay quiet. _Maybe make a deal with him? I don't know, Shikamaru was the only one to have actually talked to him…_ She pulled out an old shoe box from under her bed. It was empty except for a couple of frozen memories. The red hair ribbon that Ino had given her. A shred of Kakashi's mask that she'd managed to rip off during a challenge. She'd almost seen his face that time and he didn't have another mask under the first one either. A picture Sai had drawn of Team Kakashi a year ago. Sakura took out the mementos and placed them on her dresser, putting the now-empty box next to them.

Sighing, she grabbed a small cushion from her bed and tucked it neatly into the box. _Well, if he's comfortable, then maybe he won't make a ruckus…wait, does he need a blanket? __**What!? He's just a head, snap out of it Sakura! What is he going to do? Complain that his face is cold and ask for a ski mask?**_ Sakura and Inner-Sakura contemplated the task of caring for a living, talking head while absently gathering a few things into her bag before leaving for the Nara house.

………..

"So this is the place?", Sakura asked, looking around at the surrounding foliage before staring intently at the slightly uneven ground before her. Shikamaru was lazily leaning on a shovel. It had taken the pair a good half an hour to get to the grave hidden in the Nara clan's forest. They hadn't bothered using charka because there wasn't a rush for anything. In fact, the trek was rather peaceful because the forest had the most quiet creatures living in it. Every few minutes, she had seen a deer or two dart away from their approaching glow-torches.

"Yup. I didn't want him to think anything was about to happen if he saw any daylight from us moving the rocks around."

"Then…how should we start digging?", Sakura made a face at her shovel before an idea sparked,

"Hey, Shikamaru, I have an idea, so stand back," She grinned at him as he stepped back mumbling something about 'too lazy to dig like a normal person' and 'going to mess up the ground'. Sakura skipped back a few steps and pulled her fist back gathering chakra as she did so, then she lunged into the center of the uneven ground and slammed her knuckles down hard. A tremor shook through the entire radius of the small clearing and Sakura jumped back next to Shikamaru who had abandoned his shovel to lean back against a tree.

When the tremor ceased, all the dirt and rocks on the grave were suddenly blown skywards and out. Sakura and Shikamaru grabbed a glow-torch and shovel and jumped to the torn up scene.

"I'm pretty sure that was a great wake-up alarm, Sakura. I was hoping that he wouldn't notice our progress…", Shikamaru peered into the deep trench but couldn't see anything in the dark, so he dropped the glowing stick into the pit and watched it fall.

"Well…I didn't want to be here digging all night. I have a life too, you know," Sakura smirked at him before looking down, "Look, I think…is that an arm?"

The torch had landed on a pile of rocks and right next to it, and arm was sticking out of the rubble. Shikamaru crouched over the hole and thought back to the moment before he'd blasted everything on the Akatsuki member.

"…If I remember correctly, the head should be about 5 feet to the left of the arm and the torso would be a couple feet below the head…" Shikamaru tossed another torch down a little to the left of the first. The kunoichi leaned down to scope the area as well.

"I don't see a head…what color was his hair again?"

"Silver"

"Hmm….I think we'll have to go down now, I can't see anything from up here. Maybe his head is under all that rubble…", the two shinobi leapt down into the pit and landed next to the torches. Shikamaru walked over to the torso and casually prodded it in the ribs while Sakura peered closely at the perfectly preserved arm they saw earlier. Unlike other unburied bodies, the arm didn't look dead in the slightest. It's skin still held the slight healthy pink tinge of blood and the flesh was firm, albeit covered in dirt. She was about to touch the hand when she stopped herself and called out,

"Hey Shikamaru, you're sure that his body can't move by itself…at all, right?"

"Yeah, the only thing he can do is maybe bite onto your ankle if you stumble across his head…", his voice was about 10 feet away. Sakura then exhaled and slowly, tentatively, reached out to brush her fingers across the open palm. As soon as she touched it, she gasped harshly and pulled back in alarm.

It was warm.

"Sakura! What happened?" Shikamaru's worried voice drifted over to her and snapped her out of her stupor.

"I-I…nothing! It's nothing, I just…never mind, everything's fine!" Sakura looked back at the arm. _It-It's warm! How's that possible? No! It can't be…can it?_ In an attempt to prove herself wrong, she reached out once more to touch the hand but this time, she use the entire pads of her fingers to brush against the open palm.

There was a slight whistle from her sharp intake of breath. The hand, the arm, it _was_ warm, but she didn't remove fingers away. Instead, she grasped the hand in both of hers and lightly traced up and down, exploring the limb.

She hadn't expected it to be warm, in fact, it was quite the opposite, she expected it to be cold and the joints stiff. She had expected the skin to feel papery and rough. Just like the cadavers she had examined in the past.

The skin was smooth and soft. If she pinched it slightly, it stretched and snapped back. The muscles beneath the skin were still firm while the fingers and wrist could easily be bent back and forth. _**I don't know why you expected anything different! He's still alive! Remember? Im-mor-TAL**_…_Sorry, I keep forgetting…_

"Hey! Sakura! Over here!", Shikamaru called out to her so she gently put the hand back down and went to where he was crouched over. It looked like a few locks of brown hair amidst a pile of rubble at first, but upon closer inspection, she saw that it was actually silver but covered in dirt and blood.

It was his head. The moment was finally here.

"So…now what?", Sakura was unsure of how to go about this. _**Anybody would, it's not like they go around digging up immortal's heads everyday.**_ Shikamaru crouched down and began brushing away the surrounding rocks to reveal more hair.

"Ok, Sakura, I'm going to pull his head out quickly and I want you to be ready to attack him if he manages to do anything. If he doesn't look like he's about to do anything, then stuff the gag in his mouth to keep him from shouting."

"H-Hai!"

Shikamaru looked at Sakura for a tense moment, their eyes made contact. Her eyes was shining bright with determination as she got into a good position. She gave a slight nod and three things happened at once.

One, Shikamaru yanked hard on the silver strands in his hand.

Two, somebody starting cursing furiously.

Three, Sakura panicked and punched the first thing she saw in front of her.

"JASHIN DAMN YOU ALL! LET GO OF MY HAIR YOU FILTHY BASTARDS! I'M GONNA C-" The rest of the loud tirade was cut off when Sakura stuffed the gag in the head's mouth and stepped back.

Shikamaru was still holding the hissing head by the hair when they jumped back up to the even ground. Sakura landed directly in front of the head and got a better look at him in the pale moonlight.

He was glaring at her.

_ Hidan_ was _glaring_ at Sakura.

He had stopped hissing and trying to speak, instead, he opted to glare at the first person he saw, not to mention that this person had just recently broken his not-so-damaged nose and stuffed a gag in his mouth before he had finished his shouting.

"I think I broke his nose, but other then that, he's very _lively_", Sakura stated dryly. Hidan's glared would have tripled if possible and he responded with a series of angry snorts, groans, and hisses along the lines of

"'Lively'?! I'll show you _lively_! Just come a little closer!"

"Yup…Sakura, did you bring a bag to carry him in?" Shikamaru was slightly amused at the situation. Keyword being 'slightly'. Sakura nodded and came back and flipped open a medium sized bag. She held it open and Shikamaru quickly plopped the head in unceremoniously.

"Let's get out of here.", and with that, Shikamaru made his way out of the forest.

"Hai" Sakura flipped the flap back over to close the bag and placed it's strap over her neck and shoulder before following Shikamaru's lead.


	3. Chapter 3: Headless Hunt

**okay! I'm glad that I've gotten so many positive reviews already!!!**

**BUT I'd like some constructive criticism (if any) :)**

**as always, I do not own any of these characters, but the plot is mine**

**General guidelines to the format cuz I'm not sure how I want to do this:**

_**all **italics are thoughts_

_if not **specified** they will be Sakura's thoughts_

_otherwise, I'll let you know who's thinking what_

**Does that sound ok?**

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**New Head to join the Head-less hunt**

Well…this is awkward, 

_**act natural**_

Sakura and Shikamaru were slowly making their way through the evening streets of Konoha. Shikamaru didn't notice anything strange about Sakura's behavior. She was walking more and more stiffly through the crowd of people.

When Sakura began walking completely like a robot and slowed them down exceptionally, he finally asked,

"What's wrong?"

"Nothinggg….." Came her tight reply as she tucked her arms under her chest, gripping her elbows.

_**Nothing??? Oh, there is definitely**_** something**_** wrong! There's a guys severed head in this bag and he's probably enjoying the ride!**_

With every step she took, the bag that hung across her lower back would bounce up and down against her butt. _I can't tell Shikamaru about this! I'm a kunoichi, dang it! No big deal…_

"…Ookay…" Shikamaru looked at her quizzically before shifting his eyes to the bag she wore. It was resting against her butt. 'Oh.' He thought.

"Do you want me to carry it?" the fact that Shikamaru had caught on to her predicament caused Sakura's face to turn pink but she carefully removed the bag from herself and handed it to him wordlessly. He draped it over himself and she noticed that since he was slightly broader then her, the bag settled at the small of his back rather then where it had been when she wore it. Sakura mentally grimaced but visibly relaxed now that she didn't have to carry the head.

….

Hidan may not have a body but that didn't mean he was stupid.

He could feel _everything_ even if it was from his face. He could also hear everything being said around him. Though the two shinobi who got him didn't say anything important, he figured that the kunoichi was carrying him. He didn't know what state the rest of his body was in since it was disconnected. So he was worried about the state of everthing he couldn't feel (his body) as well as everything he could feel (his head). To say that he was uncomfortable was an understatement.

First, he'd feel as he were flying and about to land to his doom, then he'd fall back down and slap against something soft that constantly shifted and moved under him. He could feel it all through the right side of his face, particularly his cheek. Every time he'd be rolling around freely, he'd panic and try to start cursing despite the gag in his mouth. Then, all of a sudden his face would smash into warm, soft mush and he'd have to shut up. The cyclic motion was starting to give him a headache, he would have thrown-up if he had a stomach. The pain in his head was not something he took pleasure, anything else would have been fine.

_What the hell is going on!? Jashin will torture you all in the deepest pits of hell for mistreating his loyal emissary! You all will suffer through great pain and it will be my revenge and Jashin's pleasure…_

Anyway, point being, there was a very evil aura coming off of the head in the bag that now rested on Shikamaru's back. Of course, he didn't notice anything, nor did Sakura.

Maybe if Hidan could have felt how Sakura had touched his arm, he wouldn't have felt this way. Maybe he would have been a little calmer knowing that his body hadn 't been shredded like cheese. But the fact remained that he didn't know, therefore his mood didn't change.

About ten minutes late, they stood on Sakura's porch. Shikamaru extricated himself from the bag and handed it to Sakura, she grabbed it by the strap and held it at arms length from her body.

"Alright, I'm sure you can handle it from here. He won't be able to do anything. Besides, you're a capable shinobi, you've taken Akatsuki down before" Shikamaru said as he stepped back and stuck his hands in his pockets and walked away. Sakura turned around and waved to his back,

"Okay, goodnight Shikamaru! Thanks for everything", he lazily gave her a back-handed wave without looking back. She watched his figure disappear into the shadowed streets before she finally faced the inevitable.

The first official meeting with Hidan('s head).

Sakura still held the bag at arm's length as she entered her home, slipped off her sandals, and trudged up the stairs. Sighing hopelessly, she stared at the bag hanging in front of her.

_**Come on Sakura! This was your idea! You have to go through with it! **_

_Yeah, I know…but it's…he's…a head!_

_**It was your brilliant plan and it may just work.**_ _**He may know something that can help Naruto control his bijuu. Just take it slow. Stop hyperventilating! **_

_whoosh whoosh Okay…I'm okay. Let's do this. He can't do anything. Just take it slow. Be nice. Smile. You got him. _

_**Well…technically, you already do…**_

_ugh…_

By now, Sakura was in her room, sitting on the edge of her bed. The bag was sitting a foot away from her on the bed.

_Maybe I should go wash up first. Make myself presentable, you know? Maybe fix his broken nose__**-that you broke!**_

Sakura decided to follow her instincts and try to avoid the meeting as long as possible. She went to the bathroom and washed the dirt off her hands and face. She combed through he pink locks and examined each strand for split ends. Normally she wouldn't do that but today was special. Next, she brushed her teeth until they sparkled enough to blind her dentist's blindness could rival Uchiha Itachi's. She then went through her closet and picked out a new outfit that wasn't covered in dirt. She just didn't want to be seen in something so…so blasé.

_Maybe something girly? He's a guy right?_

_**He's a member of Akatsuki so it doesn't matter , besides it's getting late**_

_yeah, I see your point._

For the last two hours, Hidan had been lying in the bag on the bed. The bag was still closed and he was ineffectively trying to burn holes through the fabric with his glare. Finally, his headache got really bad and he decide to ease-up on the glaring and settle for a discontent look on his face. Though it didn't really matter since nobody could see him anyway.

_What the hell is going on?_ He thought to himself, _Why couldn't they just leave me in there for all eternity?_

Suddenly, the bed shifted under him and cause the flap to slip a bit and a crack of light formed. Hidan winced as the bedroom light flooded through. It was the brightest thing he'd seen in years so it took him a few moments to get used to the blinding light. Then it hit him. They were probably going to take him out of the bag now, _get ready…put your game face on, _Hidan began his everlasting glare once more and would have made eye-contact the next minute had he not winced in pain from the sudden brightness all around. _This is how they plan on making me suffer don't they? They're going to slowly, but surely, blind me_.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't realize the light was too strong!" The spots in front of Hidan's eyes slowly faded away and the view out of the bag became clear. The first thing he focused on was a mass of pink. He still couldn't think straight from the sudden blindness, so he wasn't sure what to make of all the pink. His brows furrowed and he stared harder at the mass of pink. He was sure that it was this mass of pink that had spoken to him a second ago. A moment later, all the blurriness vanished and he was staring into the face of a pink-haired girl. It was the same one that broke his nose.

_Jashin, why are you punishing me? Did I not serve you faithfully? I gave you plenty of sacrifices, right?_

Sakura was staring nervously back at the man's head. She wasn't sure what to make of his various facial expressions, but at least he wasn't glaring right now. He hadn't attempted to say anything yet, either.

_**Che! He probably forgot to glare…**_

_Shikamaru said his hair is silver…but this is just disgusting…_

_**And you're going to have to touch that**_

_Ewww…don't remind me_

_**You'd be better off washing his head then touching that mess every day. Just stick it under the faucet and roll it around in a towel. No problem, see?**_

Sakura decided to just take the head out of the bag first, then to think of what'd happen later. She tentatively reached her hands out to his head. As they got closer and closer, Hidan's eyes got wider and wider, then her hands reached under his jaw. He flinched when she touched him. He didn't know what to expect. And he certainly hadn't expected to have a small view of cleavage either. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he was slowly and carefully lifted out of the bag to stare at the kunoichi's chest. At least ten seconds had passed before he remembered that this was his enemy. _Enemy_. So he quickly lifted his gaze to meet hers. She hadn't noticed because she was too busy looking at how _dirty_ he was before she attempted to meet his gaze.

Sakura had watched his face curiously because she didn't think he'd flinch. She hadn't imagined Akatsuki to be the type to flinch.

_**Well, when you're at somebody else's mercy and can't do a thing about, you'd do a little more then 'flinch' wouldn't you?**_

_Yeah, more like try to scream my head off, by the way, he hasn't said anything yet, or…err…tried to._

"So you're Hidan, right? Well…I'm Sakura and I promise to take that gag out of your mouth if you promise not to scream at me, if you do, something bad will happen to you…" She then proceed to remove the gag, and as soon as she did, he proceeded to shout out his most recent concern,

"YOU BROKE MY NOSE YOU WITCH-" his shout was once more cut off when Sakura stuffed the gag back in place.

"-Like that, but I can fix it, so shut up." Sakura smiled slightly to show she meant no harm. Hidan broke into another muffled series of hisses and grunts when Sakura abruptly put his head down on the blanket and placed a glowing green hand over his nose. All of a sudden, his hissing stopped and he stared cross-eyed at his nose. The pain faded away but he couldn't see what had happened to his nose. She removed her hand and looked him.

"Mm-mmh"

"What? I'm not going to take that gag out if you're planning to shout again." Sakura said sternly.

"Mngh-mmm-nmm-m-ngnnn-mm-mmgh" Hidan wasn't shouting anymore but was actually trying to communicate like a sane person. He tried his best to make his grunts sound like a sentence. Sakura was a bit wary of him still but he really did sound like he was trying to say something rather then just shout.

"Okay…but no shouting, got it?" she said sharply before putting one hand behind his head and using the other to remove the gag. Hidan then exercised his jaw a bit before carefully articulating every syllable of his previous sentence.

"Take. Me. To. A. Mirror." Sakura was dumbstruck. She hadn't expected _that_ to be his first civil statement. Nor had she thought that his voice could be so smooth and crisp when he wasn't shouting.

"uhh…ok" So she got off the bed and leaned over him once more. Hidan watched her as much as he could from the corner of his eyes. Then, he felt his head shift around and he view changed from pink to more pink. Sakura picked him up and held him at arm's length once more and looked at him quizzically before walking around the bed to the bathroom.

Hidan couldn't see what direction they were going in because his head was facing her. Of her, he got a good look at her head and hair all the way to the base of her neck. He couldn't see anything lower, even if he tried. He also didn't know what to say. He didn't know why he had been dug up or what this pink-haired kunoichi wanted. He wanted to threaten her, but didn't want to be gagged again. Mentally sighing, he pleaded with his lord, _Jashin, forgive me_.

"Don't drop me." Sakura stopped in mid-step, and did a double-take.

_Did he just talk normally again?_

"Pardon?" She asked lamely. Hidan's face turned annoyed but settled back to an impassive one as he repeated himself.

"I said, don't drop me. I don't like being this high up."

"Oh, ok, well, we're almost to the mirror." She moved her arms closer to her body but then saw another predicament.

_The door is closed. I have to turn the handle._


	4. Chapter 4: Surface Area

**So...maybe...just maybe, I'll be able to get a chapter-a-day during these long boring school weeks. You know when it's Senior Year and you don't even have half the classes you normally do? And the ones you do have are total blow-off classes or total hard-core-must-study-my-life-away classes? Yeah, well, its like that for me.**

**Anyway, format is pretty much the same. **

**Please remember that this is my FIRST FAN-FIC let alone FIRST CRACK FIC, I proofread read it myself before I upload it, so there may be errors in wording or grammar, so disregard all those and give me a review and some constructive criticism if you think you can offer it.**

**Once more: I don't own these characters but the plot is all mine **

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_**Lack of applicable surface area**_

_**Well…that's a shame.**_

_Yeah…what do I do now?_

Sighing, Sakura took a step backward and looked at the door handle, determined to turn it using her nonexistent powers of psychokinesis. Absently, she rubbed one foot up and down her other leg and managed to balance herself one limb.

Hidan didn't know why she stopped but she had an interesting look on her face. He thought they were almost to the mirror so, seriously, what gives? He couldn't see behind him and would have asked what was wrong had she not abruptly lifted a pajama-clad leg to the door and began to teeter dangerously on her other leg. Her arms wildly swung around but her grip on him remained firm. Hidan was freaking out already and his face muscles strained but he stopped himself from screaming out loud as remembered the last time he screamed around her.

Sakura's foot was flat against the center of the door and she slowly scooted it towards the handle. Once her foot rested upon the handle itself, she flexed her toes to try and grip the handle but to no avail. She tried once more and finally got a grip. By now, she was breathing a little harder from the effort. Shifting on the ball of her other foot, she tried to get a better angle and managed to slowly twisted the handle with her foot.

Kkkk….kkkk….fwhoosh!

"Gyaah!" Sakura's foot slipped off the handle and the momentum caused her to swing around almost an entire 360 degrees before she planted both feet firmly on the floor and stopped herself from falling over.

By now, Hidan was actually fuming under his cool exterior.

"What. Are. You. Doing?!" He grit out while trying to control his temper. Sakura looked at him with an annoyed expression and brows furrowed as she huffed a little from the exertion. She was angry at the door for being closed and she didn't want to blow up at the guy she was trying to be nice to. If she let herself go, she could definitely ruin all chances of getting information out of him.

"Trying…to openthedamndoor" _ugh, I can't believe I have to do this…__**you could just put him down-**__NO! He'll get the floor dirty! I spent all day cleaning it yesterday!_

Hidan's eyebrow quirked at her use of language for a moment and he looked a little smug because he could completely tell that she was about to blow up as well, yet, he had managed not to curse while she let a little one slip.

_**Oh, forget propriety and open the stupid door!**_ With that determined thought, she gave Hidan a small warning of "Hang on" a split-second before sticking his head under her arm and opening the door with the other. Triumphant, she opened the door so forcefullyit banged against the wall.

Hidan was too surprised at being stuffed under the woman's arm to protest. His cheek was smashed against her abdomen and he could feel a rib rub against his brow harshly. A second later there was a loud Bang! and he was quickly whipped around in the air as Sakura turned him around in her hands to face the mirror.

It took about ten seconds before his vision finally settled down again after his rough 'woman-handling'. He stared absently at his reflection a moment until he realized why he was there in the first place. _My nose! Jashin! It's fixed…but wait…I look terrible…is that _dirt_ in my hair???_ As if she could somehow sense his self-disgust,

"Hey, I'm not going to keep you around as dirty as you are…your hair is filthy and your face is creased with dirt, look, here's an entire clot of dirt behind your ear," Sakura used one of her fingers to scratch something behind his ear and a few specks of brown flew down.

"So," she continued "do you want warm water or hot water?"

"Ehh?" Hidan looked quizzically at her reflection in the mirror before it dawned on him that she was going to wash his him, "Oh! Yeah...now that you mention it, I'm really starting to stink. Hot water, scalding hot if you can manage" How Hidan managed to smell himself when there was so little of him was a mystery to her but she complied anyway.

"Umm…sure…" Sakura was still a little nervous about being around the talking head of an Akatsuki member but the fact that he was acting normal about all of this was throwing her off. She carefully placed his head on the counter and twisted the tap on.

Water blasted out at full force and splashed up a little before she lessened the pressure and checked the temperature. While she waited for the water to come to the right temperature, she watched Hidan out of the corner of her eye. He was staring at the bottles of hair products lining the shelves of her shower.

"Alright…the water's fine now." She picked up his head up once more and laid it against the side of the sink. She watched him as the water slid over one side of his head and flowed away a muddy color. Hidan was looking at her face and wanted to say something badly but had no idea what. _Jashin…I'm accepting favors from a damned Konoha kunoichi! _Hidan wasn't exactly the brightest of shinobi, even his own partner had said so. Unfortunately, Hidan didn't know that he wasn't the brightest, therefore he thought he knew everything there was to know. Simply put, he hadn't caught on to the fact that the kunoichi was going to try and pry information out of him. He still thought that Konohagakure was just being nice to him and decided that he'd had enough of his private hell-hole-for-eternity. Maybe they wanted to keep his head as a pet?

Hidan snapped out of his confused thoughts when Sakura reached forward and titled his head to another side and water began trickling down the next coating of grime. From the new angle, he couldn't see her directly, but he saw her reflection. She was leaning back against the towel rack on the wall behind her and had her arms across her chest. She looked like she was brooding as she stared at the dirty water running down the drain. Busy in her own little world, she didn't catch him staring at her in the mirror.

_Hidan's thoughts: What's she doing just standing there? Is that her natural hair color? I wonder how old she is…_

At this point, Hidan's eyes started wandering a little over her figure but he couldn't see much. Her pajamas were too baggy.

Sakura watched the water slowly run clear again as she thought about how to approach Hidan without him getting too suspicious of what she wanted form him.

_Make it sound natural…maybe show some interest in his general life first…ask some generic questions…that'll get him to let down his guard and maybe trust me…yeah, that sounds about right._

Sakura stepped back to Hidan's head and this time ran his entire head under water until the liquid ran clear as crystal. She didn't touch any more of his head than she what she had to and Hidan's mouth shut into a tight line to keep the dirty water out of his mouth. Once his head was completely rinsed of the earlier grime, she removed him from the water and placed him on the counter so she could get a towel to dry him off.

"Hey! You can't leave me like this!" Hidan called to her as her hand grabbed the towel on the rack.

"I'm not leaving you anywhere." Sakura called over her shoulder. Hidan mentally cursed before replying again.

"No, that's not what I meant! You can't leave me here like _this_. I'm still dirty. Jashin doesn't appreciate those too lowly to be clean. Use some of that stuff in the bottles over there," Hidan rolled his eyes over to the line of hair products.

"W-What?" Sakura's brow twitched at the prospect of handling him even more. Especially since he was asking to use _her_ shampoo on _him_.

"Yeah, that green bottle on the far left. It looks promising."

"…but that's bodywash…" Hidan's brow twitched as he mentally slapped himself. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ After embarrassing himself for his lack of body the first time, he took a slightly humbled breath and tried again,

"ok, how about anything to really wash all this off my head? I've been like this for the last two years, I think, couldn't really tell time down there, you know."

Sakura frowned a little but had to admit that she would never have been able to spend two years or even two weeks without a proper scrub-down. Sighing, she put his head back in the sink and grabbed a pink bottle off the shelf.

"Fine. How's this, baka?" Sakura started the tap again, squeezed a pink concoction onto her palm, lathered up, and started scrubbing Hidan's hair. All the while she grimaced and Hidan watched her, wincing and groaning a little as she scrubbed a little too hard here and there.

"Oye! I'm not that gross so stop making faces. You're a shinobi, aren't you?"

"Well, you're not the one scrubbing your filthy hair."

"From what I can see, you're also a medic-nin, I'm sure you've seen worse filth than this-Hey! Ow!"

"Almost done!" Sakura practically sang with glee although she didn't know exactly why. She didn't have a personal vendetta against him and they hadn't even met until now because Shikamaru defeated him before her team came to back him up in that battle all those years ago. Perhaps she wanted to annoy him just a little because he thought he could use _her_ hair products. Or maybe it was because he wasn't doing anything specifically _evil_ except to just lie there and depend on her for everything.

"There!" Sakura finished rinsing the shampoo off and inspected her work. His hair shone a delicate silver and his complexion was the same as hers. His face glistened from the drops of water that still clung to his skin. She draped the towel over his head and lifted him out of the sink and onto the counter. Once there, she furiously began to rub the towel all over the mass hidden beneath while muffled cries of surprise erupted every few seconds.

Hidan was pretty disturbed by how harshly she was treating him. What happened to her being all nice and smiling?

All of a sudden, she pulled the towel off and examined the fruits of her labor. His silver hair was long and it stuck out in all directions. He was wearing a grim expression on his face as he seemed to be studying her carefully as well. That's when she noticed the color of his eyes. They were pink. Taking a step back she took in his entire face.

_Oh! Wow…he's actually quite attractive._

_**Who am I kidding? He's hawt.**_

Hidan noticed the change in her expression and smirked at her. It didn't take a genius to figure out when a lady liked what she saw. Maybe it was that muscle movement in his face or maybe some wind blew through the bathroom, but suddenly, he smelt strawberries everywhere. His smirk turned into a scowl and he took a big whiff,

"_What_ did you put on me?!" he demanded. Sakura looked back at him innocently.

"What? Oh this? You asked for shampoo so you got some. It's called 'Strawberry Paradise'. I really like it. Don't you?"

"Didn't you have anything _un_scented?"

"Well…that bodywash was but it seems that it couldn't be applied anywhere…" Hidan growled under his breath at the jibe.

"Maybe you should make you job in finding a place to apply it easier"

"Oh really? How so?"

"Get me the rest of my body."

"No. We're done here, so we're going back." And with that, Sakura picked up his head and began making her way back to the bedroom.

"Why not?"

"Because we can't trust you. You're an enemy shinobi and we don't know what you'll do next."

"But what if all I wanted to do was give you a hug?" Sakura stared at him skeptically before answering,

"We can't allow you to escape or harm anyone." By then, Sakura had made it into her room and carefully put Hidan down on her bed. Then she took a seat against some cushions on the bed as well. Hidan tried to see where she had gone but then felt Sakura shift his head around so that he could see her.

"So then, why am I here? You guys didn't have to dig me up." Hidan questioned. Sakura didn't want to give him the truth right away. She preferred to take it slow and stick to the plan. _**But that'll take too long!**__ But I can't just blow the plan! __**Maybe this way will be better! **__Fine…_

"Frankly speaking, you're a member of the Akatsuki and hold some valuable information." Hidan narrowed his eyes and scoffed at her.

"You come up with this brilliant plant how long after you've defeated me? Two years? Well, I won't be telling you anything, besides, they probably believe I'm dead by now." If Hidan had shoulders, he would have shrugged.


	5. Chapter 5: Moonlit Insomnia

**Many thankies to all my reviewers, I hope you like this chapter :D**

**I want to apologize for cutting the previous chapter off...but I was too tired to finish it. I actually type one chapter each day, which is an amazing feat btw, but this one is shorter then the last two chapters. **

**I think my idea bank has run dry...but I may just have a few tricks up my sleeve...lol**

**anyway, I don't own any of these characters but the plot remains mine.**

**-----Maahiyum------**

**P.S. I have no idea where I'm taking this story because the storyline just presents itself...but I'm trying to keep it as connected as possible, I guess I should start thinking these things through better, shouldn't I?**

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"So then, why am I here? You guys didn't have to dig me up." Hidan questioned. Sakura didn't want to give him the truth right away. She preferred to take it slow and stick to the plan. _**But that'll take too long!**__ But I can't just blow the plan! __**Maybe this way will be better! **__Fine…_

"Frankly speaking, you're a member of the Akatsuki and hold some valuable information." Hidan narrowed his eyes and scoffed at her.

"You come up with this brilliant plant how long after you've defeated me? Two years? Well, I won't be telling you anything, besides, they probably believe I'm dead by now." If Hidan had shoulders, he would have shrugged.

-------------------------------------------**_ The difference between Vampires and Immortals (like Hidan)_**-----------------------------------

"It doesn't matter when we decided to do this, the fact is that you are now here and I have to take care of you…" Sakura grumbled more mad at herself for getting herself in this situation in the first place. _Why didn't I suggest somebody else do it?!_

"You know…" Hidan looked at her slyly "I know a way to make your life a lot easier…" Sakura looked at him tiredly, somehow, she knew what would come out of his mouth next.

"Is that so? Then what is it?"

"You wouldn't have to touch me or anything anymore and I'd be nicer to you…Just give me my body back" Hidan grinned as innocently as he could.

"No."

"Please?"

"No." Hidan finally lost his sly façade because it had taken all his willpower to ask nicely.

"Dammit! I'm not even Akatsuki anymore! Those bastards left me in that hole to rot!" Sakura's eyes widened in surprise at his outburst. Not only was she surprised at his sudden mood swing, but also upon hearing that Akatsuki had let Hidan go so easily they hadn't even bothered to come back for his body. _But he could be lying._ _Don't let your guard down around him._ After a moment, she schooled her expression back to a blank slate and remained skeptical of the talking head.

"Maybe they thought you finally died since you couldn't move anymore"

"Eh? WHAT THE F GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!-"seeing Sakura's eyes narrow dangerously he lowered his voice again "I'm immortal, I can't die and nobody can kill me. This is Jashin-Sama's blessing to all those that follow him."

"From the information we've gathered, we know that those rings all you Akatsuki wear are very valuable. Doesn't your leader keep track of you with those things? He'd know if you moved, heck, he probably already knows where you are. So all I'm saying is, they could be coming to get you right now."

"Well, the information you got is wrong. Those rings are only meant to make contact with other members and require chakra to be activated. Leader isn't aware of what we do every damn second we're away from him." Sakura contemplated this news and tried to remember who had told her this little false fact. If they'd known from before, then they would have taken advantage of Hidan's ring sooner. Maybe they could have tried to lure the Akatsuki into a trap and taken them out one by one.

"So now what are you going to do? If you say that Akatsuki has abandoned you, where does your allegiance lie?"

Hidan looked are hard at Sakura before replying cryptically,

"You should know that by now" Sakura was about to reply but a huge yawn overtook her. The yawn reflected all of the physical fatigue and mental stress she had endured during that entire day, but for those few seconds of immense jaw-stretching, her mind went blissfully blank. Once it resided, she blinked and tried to remember what she was about to say but when nothing came to her, she gave up.

"Hey, Hidan…" She looked at him because not knowing this certain things about him was beginning to bug her now.

"…what?"

"Do you …I mean, Can you sleep?"

"What?! I'm not some stupid vampire! Of course I sleep!" Sakura touched her bottom lip with a finger and wondered out-loud.

"So then…were you asleep underground that entire time?"

"No. I was contemplating the meaning of life." Hidan bit out sarcastically.

"Oh…Oh! That reminds me…if you're immortal--Sakura yawned again---"You know what…never mind. I'm really tired and sleeping sounds like a really good hobby right now." Hidan's interest was already piqued by her query so when she changed the topic to bedtime, he was slightly miffed. For the first time, somebody was about to ask him about his immortality when they themselves weren't about to die, but then this somebody had to be too tired to ask any further questions. All of his life's luck had most likely run out all those years ago when he killed the last man…that shinobi from Konoha. Hidan was remembering the last time he had fought when his thoughts were cut off by Sakura's sleepy voice as she got off the bed and picked him up.

" So…I sort of have a bed for you, I hope it's comfortable enough…" Sakura had to rub her left eye but since both hands were occupied, she instinctively raised her left arm closer and tried to rub it with her arm. She managed to complete the task and muss her pink locks while Hidan's head was brought in close proximity to her own face. She had momentarily forgotten what she was holding in her hands while she rubbing her eye but when she brought her arms back, her mind registered just how close their faces had been but her body didn't jerk away. Her face kept the same sleepy expression. _Gosh…I have to watch out and not do that again. Now that he's not dirty, I forget that it's Hidan's head and not some book or something._

Hidan's head was abruptly brought next to her face. They were nearly cheek to cheek. He thought something was about to happen. Maybe a good-night kiss. So he braced himself and watched her from the corner of his eyes. Nothing happened. _Who are you kidding, Hidan? You're still enemies. _Hidan schooled his expression back to aloofness as he asked about the 'bed'.

"What sort of 'bed' for me is more comfortable then those rocks I spent my time with in that hell-hole for two years?" Sakura answered him by placing him on a fluffy, red cushion with the Haruno symbol (a white circle) embroidered on it.

"It's not much…but that's all I can do for you…"

"It's not bad, not bad at all kunoichi…but could you do me one last favor? Turn my head to this side" Hidan pointed towards the window with his eyes. Sakura reached a hand under his head and tilted him to one side so that he now faced the majority of the room as well as Sakura's bed. When Sakura removed her hand, her fingers grazed his jaw and her breath hitched for a second. Hidan didn't see her expression since he was looking at the window but he felt her warm fingers brush against the most sensitive of his skin. Immediately, all of his thoughts were focused on the touch because that light stroke caused a thousand fireworks of pleasure to go off in his brain. (**A/N: my psychology teacher has been using this phrase way too much, so just as quick bg knowledge, when the body perceives something pleasurable, it causes 'fireworks' to go off in the septum of the brain that can be so strong that they occupy the rest of your mind)** Hidan's throat constricted and he was about to say something but his voice would have come out hoarse so he stayed shut.

"….There…Goodnight" Sakura said as she moved away toward her bed.

"…" Hidan just lay there and watched her retreating figure as it entered the covers of her bed and deftly reached a hand over to switch off the lamp. The room went pitch black for a few minutes until Hidan's eyes slowly adjusted to the minute cracks of moonlight shining into the bedroom. He heard a soft sigh come from where Sakura lay as she shifted around under the covers. He couldn't see anything but a pile of fabric whose folds were highlighted by the pale moonlight.

There wasn't anything left to do but to go to sleep. Unfortunately, that's all he'd been doing for the last few years. So instead, he simply thought about where his immortality had gotten him and where Jashin had placed his destiny. Jashin was the god of pain and torture and he hadn't received any form of prayer from Hidan in two years unless having his hair pulled counted. Surely, this was Jashin's way of punishing Hidan for not performing his bloody, nocturnal ritual anymore. Since he was still alive, he was expected to keep pleasing his god. Since he'd be alive forever, he was expected to please his god eternally. Therefore, Hidan's logic dictated that if he displeased Jashin-Sama, then he'd be punished for it for all eternity as well. _Well this fing sucks. I've been damned to this place and I can't even scratch my own nose without having somebody else do it for me. Looks like my blessed immortality has turned into a curse._

Hidan was extremely pissed off about not having his body back. He didn't like feeling helpless. And what's worse, he'd be helpless forever unless someone decided to show him some mercy and attach him to his body. That's really all he wanted now. At least for now, that was all he wanted. Then maybe later, he'd ask his lord's forgiveness and go seek the Akatsuki out again and make them suffer for mistreating a man of his stature.

Suddenly another soft sigh was emitted from the pile of blankets ahead of him and he snapped out of his trance.

_That kunoichi! What's her name? It sounded like some sort of flower…Saa…Saa…Sakura! Yes, that was her name…She is…too nice for her own good. I could convince her to get me my body back. And then…and then…I don't know but she's my only chance for now, so I can't ruin it._

Hidan once again tried to focus on the dark mass under the covers and a small smirk flitted across his face as he recalled her attitude from earlier.

_She has quite the temper, too…maybe this'll be fun…_


	6. Chapter 6: Wonting and Wanting

**Heyyyyyoooo readers**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter :D it has a little bit of _everything_ in it**

**so find out what's going on and tell me what you think!**

**oh yeah, I do not own these characters but the plot is all mine**

**just as a side note:** _I finished this chapter earlier then I anticipated because I really had fun writing it...but question: does automatically edit out certain symbols or curse-words if I don't put this under the 'M' rating?_

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_**Of Wonting and Wanting**_

Contrary to what he'd told Sakura earlier, Hidan hadn't slept at all during the night. Instead, he was slowly assessing his situation. It was obvious to him what Konoha wanted, and it was obvious to them what he wanted. But the question remained: How was _he_ going to get what _he_ wanted?

When the first ray of pale sunshine peeked through the window, Hidan put a stop to all of his circular thoughts and decided to start the day.

"Sakura…" he called softly to the sleeping form. She didn't move.

"Sakura." He called out in a firmer, louder tone. The bed shifted slightly.

"Oye! Sakura! Rise and Shine!"

"nngh…not…now…Naruto…" Sakura curled up in her blankets even tighter in an effort to hide from the noise. If Hidan had hands, he would have slapped his forehead in annoyance, instead he settled for a groan.

"I'M NOT THE STUPID KYUUBI! SO GET UP!" Sakura shot out of bed and crouched on the wall wielding a glinting kunai that had come out of nowhere. Her eyes wildly darted around the room until the settled on the laughing head on her dresser. It took a moment for her to remember the event of the previous day and find the logic behind the curious site of a laughing, disembodied head on her dresser.

Grumbling under her breath, she jumped off the wall to sit in the middle of her bed. She scratched her head under her messy mop of pink. Hidan still hadn't stopped laughing so she scowled.

"What's so funny?"

"You! That kunai!" Sakura waited for further explanation.

"If I were you, I wouldn't have even gotten up! The enemy could stab me in my sleep all they want, I'd just get up and kill them later"

"Yeah, well, unlike you, I don't like having extra holes in my body", Sakura shot back grumpily as Hidan laughed again.

"What now?" She asked.

"If I was really trying to kill you just now, that kunai would have helped. Never in a million years-" He was cut short by Sakura's irritated response.

"If you were really trying to kill me, you'd need arms first!" and with that, Sakura got up and left for the bathroom. _Great. I haven't even had breakfast yet and already, my day is ruined. Thanks a lot, Hidan._

"Hey! Where are you going? That hurt, you know! You don't have to keep- Hidan's rant was cut off once more by Sakura's muffled scream,

"SHUTUP! OR THAT GAG IS COMING BACK!" BANG! The bathroom door slammed shut.

"Jashin! What happened to her?" Hidan muttered as the slamming door's vibrations minutely shook through the entire floor.

About ten minutes later, Sakura returned to her room somewhat calmer then before and went to her closet. Deftly sliding the door open, she quickly ran her hands across the hangers and pulled out a red shirt and some black capris.**(A/N: normally, I hate putting in tacky details about exact type of clothing or the color of the room or anything that isn't really helping the story but I have to make sure that there's something for everyone to visualize…right?)** Tossing those onto her bed, she turned around and came to the dresser where Hidan lay in his box.

"Hey, what's going-" Sakura held her hand up for silence and opened the drawer below him.

"I'll tell you in a minute", reaching into the various drawers she dug out fresh undergarments and bandages. Hidan tried to look at what she was pulling out but the drawers were directly under him. Once she had what she needed, she exited the room along with the clothes from her bed. By now, Hidan's brow was twitching furiously,

"Seriously! Stop telling me to shut up! I can't do anything BUT TALK and you're all trying to take that away from me, too! WHAT THE HELL! I don't even know anything! You're not telling me anything! AND WHEN THE HELL AM I GETTING MY BODY BACK? This is getting too old and annoying to last! HEY! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" as Hidan vented his anger at the empty bedroom, Sakura returned dressed in her new outfit for the day. His yelling didn't faze her in the slightest. She simply pretended that he wasn't shouting at the top of his freaking lungs.

"Calm down. We have a lot to do today. You'll find out everything in due time." Sakura breezed over to the dresser and reached for her hairbrush.

"Alright, but lift me up will you? I'm tired of being like this." It seemed like his venting had really calmed him down. Perhaps his entire night's epiphanies had built up too much stress. Perhaps it was something else. Sakura sure didn't know. She simply reached over to him and set him leaning upright against the wall. Hidan's hair was still a mess from being washed last night, but the left side it was flattened against his face at precarious angles. Sakura grabbed her hairbrush once again and with quick, tempered strokes, she minimized the bush of awry pink locks until they hung straight. She hadn't even bothered going to a mirror.

Hidan watched her morning hair ritual slightly envious. He knew he probably had a serious case of bed-head as well and to top it off, he still smelled like strawberries, but the worst thing was that he couldn't do anything about either of those problems. He'd even have to let someone else fix his hair for him. _Hell no. Nobody does my hair but me._

"So? How do I look?" Sakura grinned at his head.

_"Great!"_ He replied in his head while looking her up and down, but pushed the thought away.

"I thought you weren't a morning person?" Hidan asked with a small confused frown at her sudden shift in mood.

"I'm not. But I have to be a morning person later, so why not start pretending now?"

"What?"

"I'm the Hokage's apprentice and assistant. When I'm not on missions, I have to help her every morning in her office."

"…So?" Hidan didn't know where this conversation was going.

"She's not a morning person either, so one of has to be, right? Otherwise, the office would tear apart at its seams." Sakura put her brush down and went back to her closet, this time, pulling out a khaki-colored back-pack. She shuffled around and gathered a few more things which she then stuck in the smaller pockets before slinging it on one shoulder and coming back to Hidan.

"Especially now." She continued on from before. However, Hidan had been too busy watching Sakura move around the room to catch on again. He hadn't been around decent women in a while, and unlike her clothes last night, her clothes today were being a lot nicer to him.

"…huh?"

"The Hokage. She has a really bad temper, especially now that Master Jiraiyah has place a bet with her saying that she can't spend two weeks without sake. She's trying her hardest to prove him wrong but instead of draining a cup of sake, she's draining all of us that work in the tower." Hidan looked a little dumbly back at her before giving his lame reply.

"…oh. Heheh…" Sakura then scooped him up once again but this time, she nestled him against her side with one arm while walking down the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

Upon reaching the kitchen, she put Hidan's head on the counter and started raiding through her pantry for food. Pulling out a box of cereal, she grabbed a bowl and a carton of milk from the fridge and took a seat at the counter next to Hidan. She poured some of the frosted grains into her bowl and was about to add the milk when a loud knocking was heard at her front door along with a,

"Sakura-Chan! Sakura-Chaaannn! Are you in there? Wake up! It's me! Naruto!"

"ugh…I know its you, Naruto! I'm coming!" with a sigh, she put the milk carton down and got up to open the door without a second thought. As soon as she opened the door wide enough, Konoha's Famous Knuckle-headed Ninja bounced into her house and gave her a big hug. With the life being squeezed out of her by her favorite blonde, she barely managed out

"Na…ru…to…c-can't…breathe!" Naruto let go of her quickly and held her back at arms length. His incessant grin meant that something was up. And that something was never good. None the less, she smiled back at him lightly and asked what he was holding back.

"Tsunade-no-baachan says that there aren't any missions for me today."

"And….?" Sakura really didn't feel like waiting for all the details but he was her friend, so she had to put up with him.

"So…I'm free all day. Do you want to go training together?" Naruto blushed almost as if he thought of it as something more then just a practice session.

"I'm sorry Naruto, but I can't go…Tsunade-Shisou is keeping me busy in the office all morning…" Naruto's face fell but he tried again.

"Then ask her for a day off! We barely get to spend time together anymore! You, me, Sai, and Kakashi-Sensei are a team but we don't even act like it. Just ask her!"

"I can't Naruto." Sakura shook her head, "I can't let her get stuck with all those papers. She'll go crazy! Especially with that bet and everything happening…" Naruto looked at her with puppy-dog eyes.

"Please, Sakura-Chan. For me? Just ask her for me?" Sakura new she was in for it now. She was too soft-hearted to turn him down. Frowning slightly, she conceited with a huff and a nod.

"Fine. I'm heading over there after breakfast. Why don't you stick around and we'll go together?" Naruto let out a whoop and swung a fist through the air as Sakura turned around and went back to the kitchen. Naruto was following closely behind her when she suddenly realized something was wrong.

_**Oh Crap! I forgot! Hidan's in there! What do I tell Naruto?!**_

"Oomph! Sakura-Chan? What is it?" Naruto had walked straight into her back since he followed her closely down the narrow hall.

"Oh! N-Nothing Naruto! Do you want anything to eat?" Sakura tried to sound casual as she walked into the doorway and quickly jumped to stand in front of Hidan's head, therefore, efficiently blocking it from Naruto's view. She could hear Hidan about to start when she quickly clamped her hand down onto his mouth from behind her back.

"Sure, I'll have some ramen if you have any." Naruto grinned.

"Then help yourself, there's some behind that cabinet." She indicated with her chin. As Naruto walked over to the cabinet and looked for some ramen, Sakura turned around and whispered harshly to Hidan whose mouth she still hadn't uncovered.

"Don't say a word! He can't find out about you yet!"

"Mmh!"

"No!"

"Eh? Sakura-Chan? Did you say something?" Naruto had set a kettle to boil and was now coming towards the stool next to hers.

"What? Oh, no, I just haven't started my own breakfast yet." Sakura swiftly took a seat on her own stool and hastily poured some milk into her bowl of cereal. The movement caused her hair to swish over Hidan's head and causing him to sneeze. He was still hidden behind her back, but everyone heard the completely conspicuous sound. Naruto paused and Sakura stopped breathing. Hidan didn't say anything. He just wanted to see how this would turn out.

"…Sakura-Chan…What was that?" Naruto asked her slowly while finally taking his seat on the stool next to her. Naruto wasn't stupid even though he acted like it sometimes. Maybe it was because he had the tendency to get into everybody's business, but Sakura couldn't hide too much from him unless it was inside her own head.

"….a sneeze…" she answered in a small voice.

"…_ a sneeze_? Where did it come from?" Sakura didn't answer, instead, she shifted her eyes all over the kitchen, never settling on one thing for long.

"_Sakura-Chan_…I'll find out even if you don't tell me, so maybe, you should?" Sakura still didn't bothering her best friend. She had to treat this just like any other mission. If Naruto found out anything on his own, she wouldn't be held responsible for him knowing. _Hopefully Hidan keeps quiet…_


	7. Chapter 7: Proximities

**Woooot! Nearly 3K words!**

**I really hope you all like this chapter! I got to work on it a little more today since it was a snowday, but not as much as I had wanted originally cause I got stuck baking croissants and cinnamon rolls. From _scratch_. My arms are sore from kneading so much dough...**

**QUESTION: **Does the tone of the story shift a lot? If you compare the first two chapters to the latest, is there too much of a difference in writing style?

**So yeah, read, review, and if you feel like analyzing my writing skills, answer the question **

**as always, I don't own the characters but the plot does belong to me.**

Gosh...what a crazy crack-fic this Hidan X Sakura is turning out to be :P

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Proximities 

Suddenly, the kettle Naruto had put on the stove began whistling. Nobody got up. He stared at her. Sakura could see the gears in his mind clicking away. The kettle's whistling got shriller and shriller until…

"Would you get the kettle already!?! It's about to blow my ears off!" Hidan's shout nearly made Sakura fall off her stool as Naruto merely smirked at her smugly before getting up to get the kettle. Sakura was trembling but it was barely noticeable. Hidan probably wouldn't have known that she was shaking if he hadn't been right behind her. Naruto's back was still to her as poured the scalding water into his bowl of ramen.

"Sakura-Chan, you could have told me if you had another guy over, you know, I wouldn't have minded…"

"No! Naruto, it's not another guy! I'm sorry! But I can't tell you! You have to ask Shisou!" Sakura cried out in alarm.

"Sakura…I'm not that stupid. I know it's a guy. He's hiding somewhere in your kitchen. Who is he?" This was one of those rare occasions when Naruto left off the 'chan' at the end of her name. This meant that _he_ was _very_ serious. And if _he_ was _very _serious, that meant that things around there could _also_ get _very_ serious.

"Fine. Yes. It's a guy. B-but you don't know him. You've never even met him before." _**Oh, gosh…I can't believe this is happening!**_ Inner-Sakura was sitting in a corner biting her fingernails off with beads of sweat running down her forehead. Sighing, Naruto grabbed a hold of one her hands and patted it comfortingly.

"I know almost everybody in Konoha and they know me…unless you're dating some old geezer that I've been afraid to talk to-" He was quickly interrupted by Sakura's outburst,

"We're not dating! Why do you have to think it's a relationship anyway?!" Sakura pulled her hand away, outraged. _**The nerve of him! I can't believe he thinks I'd date an old guy! And **_**why does it**_** always have to be a 'date'? Why can't I just have a friend over just like he's over right now?**_

"So then it _is_ an old guy…" Naruto teased.

"NO!" Sakura was turning red at the indignity.

"Then who is it?" Sakura was about to reply and avoid the question of just exactly _who_ it is **(A/N: this may be a paradox, but politicians manage to reply and avoid questions all the time)** but was cut off by a clearing of someone's throat from behind her. Thinking that the mystery person was standing by the doorframe, Naruto peered over Sakura's shoulder to get a glimpse.

"First off, I'm not that old! Sure, I will be in a couple of centuries, but I've been like this for the last fifty years. Secondly, I'm still young." Naruto's eyes widened to the size of saucers when he realized that the speaker was _directly_ behind Sakura. In the blink of an eye, he'd lifted Sakura up by the shoulders and held her aside. Her face turned redder then usual as she dangled uselessly from Naruto's arms. Sakura was appalled at how calmly Hidan was taking the situation and how she had tried so hard to hide his presence and yet, he'd simply thrown all that away. _**Wait…he's been like this for **_**fifty**_** years!? He looks like he's in his freakin' twenties!**_

"Th-That's…That's a talking head!" Naruto stuttered. Sighing, Sakura let her head drop down defeatedly.

"Hai" she answered breathless.

"B-But how's that possible? Where's his body?"

"See…now that's something we'd both like to know, eh Kyuubi?" Hidan grinned up at Naruto then rolled his eyes towards the dangling Sakura, "Maybe you should put the lady down?" Naruto was stunned by the fact that the disembodied head was speaking to him. It took a moment for him to process just what the head was _saying_.

"oh! Yeah…of course…sorry Sakura-Chan." He glanced at her sheepishly before placing her standing right next to the stool.

"So…uhhh…Sakura-Chan…why do you have a talking head in your kitchen? Please don't tell me you're going out with _it_?" Sakura slapped her palm to her face,

"For the last time NARUTO! I'm not going out with a _talking head_! I'm not going out with _anybody_! This is part of a mission!"

"Mission?" Naruto and Hidan both looked at her with interest, although Hidan was mentally twiddling with the fact that Sakura wasn't going out with anybody. Meaning that she was single.

"Okay…you know what? Let's calmly finish breakfast first because _I_ am starving. Then, we can all go meet the Hokage. There…I'll explain everything." Closing her eyes, Sakura gulped. _Ohh nooo...this was NOT supposed to happen! Hidan wasn't supposed to know why we needed him and Naruto…Naruto wasn't a part of this at all! I'm doing this all for him! So that I can find a way to save him from turning into a monster! So that he can control his bijuu! Oh, no no noooo…_

"Alright…Sakura-Chan…" Naruto nodded uncertainly but took the seat next to her, once more. Sakura took a deep breath and sat on her own stool, this time, not bothering to hide Hidan who rested on the counter next to her elbow. Sakura reached up to grab a spoon and began sloshing the mixture in her bowl around. Naruto stared at Hidan a little suspiciously and Hidan stared right back with a toned-down-evil grin. Sakura could feel the tension building up between the two males in the room. The funny thing about the whole situation was that both of the men were Sakura's self-assigned responsibility.

When each flake of cereal was evenly coated with milk, she lifted the spoon to her mouth and took a bite. The completely normal action coupled along with the ominous crunching noise from Sakura's mouth seemed to snap the two men out of their unspoken staring contest. Naruto hastily grabbed his ramen and dug into it with chopsticks, all the while not taking his eyes off Sakura from over the rim of the bowl.

Hidan shot a quick glance at the pink haired kunoichi as well before returning his eyes back to the blond shinobi. Hidan didn't need to be told that Sakura's calm façade was all an act for the two others. He remembered the way she had trembled and how the pitch of her voice fluctuated ever so slightly right before her act began. Her mixture of fear and anxiety was an easy emotion for someone like him to read. He couldn't even remember how many times he'd been the cause of the same feelings when his victims realized that he was no ordinary opponent; that he'd be the one to bring forth their impending deaths.

Quickly finishing his ramen with a slurp of temporary contentment, Naruto put his bowl down and watched Sakura lift her bowl to drain the milk. He couldn't read her face. Her unbound hair fell forward from both sides and efficiently shadowed her face because of the way she tilted her head. Her body language was muted and deliberate.

After drinking the milk, Sakura stared into the empty bowl to buy time and collect her scattered thoughts. _Ok, let's just get on with this. My number one priority is to not let Hidan know why he's here. The next rule is to not let Naruto find out why this mission was even established. Looks like I'll have to make up something that works for both of them. Hopefully __**Hopefully**__ Shikamaru will be there to back me up in this._ Inwardly sighing, Sakura put her bowl down and combed through her hair with her fingers.

When Naruto saw her face again, she was smiling at him as she got up and reached for Hidan.

"Okay Naruto, let's go."

"But Sakura-Chan! You can't take him with you!" Naruto pointed exaggeratedly at Hidan's head. Hidan looked up at Sakura as she turned to answer Naruto.

"Yes, I can. This mission is all about him anyway." Hidan smiled smugly at Naruto who glared back. Sakura got her backpack and placed it next to Hidan's head and was about to pick him up when a thought suddenly entered Hidan's head.

"Hey! Hey, wait a minute! You said we're going to see the Hokage, right?"

"Yeah…" Sakura answered unsure of where this conversation was heading. She just hoped that another argument wouldn't come of it.

"Well…look at my hair. I need to look presentable for the Hokage!" and to emphasize his point, Hidan rolled his eyes around the room and blew at a strand of hair that had managed to flop over his eye.

"…What?" Sakura looked dumbfounded but looked at the silver mess of hair that crowned Hidan's head. He did have a point. Sakura was about to agree when Naruto cut her off with a rough snort,

"_Presentable_? He's not going to be _presentable_ no matter how well you fix up his hair, Sakura-Chan! He doesn't even have a body!" Hidan grit his teeth. This whole not-having-a-body thing was getting old really fast.

"Even without my body, I'm better looking then you, Blondie!" Naruto bristled and was about retort but Sakura yelled first.

"Both of you idiots, stop it! Neither of you have enough brains in your head with or without a body! So no more arguments!" With a huff, Sakura pulled out a comb from her backpack and attacked Hidan's head.

"Ah!"

"Ouch!"

"No! What are you doing?"

"Jashin! Nooo my hair doesn't part like that! Ah!"

"What did you do? Dammit! Ouch!" When Sakura moved back to survey her angry effort, Naruto saw the fruits of her hard work and burst into uncontrolled laughter. Hidan didn't need a mirror to see how his hair looked. His brow was twitching when he addressed the only other male in the room,

"It's parted down the middle isn't it? Dammit! Why do women always think that _this_ is the _proper_ hairstyle for men?" Naruto's laughter resided long enough to shrug his shoulders,

"Beats me!" Sakura looked back and forth between the two incredulously,

"What's wrong with it?" Naruto bent down next to Hidan's head, put a finger under his chin and waived a hand over his head with an air or presenting,

"Oh, come onnn Sakura-Chan! Don't you think this is just sexy?" Sakura turned an angry and indignant red. Stomping forward with an 'Urgh!' she grabbed Hidan's head and stuck it into her backpack, before swinging it onto her shoulders and stomping out the front door yelling,

"Let's go!" Silently, Sakura agreed that Hidan's hair looked hideous and he had a perfectly good excuse to grumble curses from within his dark compartment. A moment later, Naruto was bounding along beside her as they hopped the rooftops to the Hokage's Tower.

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"Tsunade-no-Bachaan! Look who's here!" Naruto burst through the window with Sakura and announced their presence to the entirety of the several-story-tall tower. The Hokage lifted her face off the desk and got rid of the papers that stuck to her forehead. Trying to rub off the just-woke-up expression, she hid a yawn behind a hand and stretched one arm back.

"Good morning, Shisou." Sakura greeted her mentor a little more tightly then she had planned because of the earlier incident of when her skills were mocked.

"O-Oh! S-Sakuraaa….gooodmornningg…" Tsunade slurred from the lack of sleep. At least she didn't have a headache this morning since she had managed to avoid sake for the last few days. Seeing Sakura's misshapen and _grumbling_ backpack, she snapped herself to come to attention and remembered her student's latest mission.

"Wait…Naruto, why are you here?" The older blonde inquired of the younger.

"Oh! It's okay! Sakura-Chan said she'd explain everything to me about the talking head!" at the reply, Tsunade's eyes widened and she looked at Sakura carefully, seeking confirmation.

"What? Everything, Sakura?" Sakura just barely shook her head to the side and Tsunade got the hint.

"Oh, okay, I understand. Just a moment then. SHIZUNE!" a disheveled Shizune abruptly burst into the room,

"H-Hai! Tsunade-sama?!"

"Get Shikamaru in here immediately, we're having a small meeting. A mid-mission report." The dark-haired woman jerked her head in confirmation and exited the room as quickly as she came. Tsunade smoothed her clothes out and straightened up in her chair. She eyed Sakura's backpack as she took it off and cradled it in both her arms.

"Is he with you?"

"Yes, right here." Sakura brought the backpack forward and carefully pulled the disembodied head out of her head and set Hidan down on Tsunade's desk. Tsunade's eyes widened once more and she shifted back in her seat to widen her view of the frowning head staring at her. Naruto had watched the entire exchange of words silently until he noticed Hidan's hair. Poking Sakura with his elbow, he nodded at the head with a grin,

"Sakura-Chan, I think all your effort went to waste. His hair _still_ isn't _presentable_."

"Shut up, baka!" Sakura gave him an annoyed glare. A second later, Shikamaru and Shizune poofed into the room with a burst of gray smoke. Shikamaru stepped forward to stand in line next to Sakura as the smoke quickly disintegrated behind him. Both hands in his pockets, the strategist studied the now-clean and quiet head sitting in the middle of the Hokage's desk. Shikamaru had already put behind him all the personal animosity towards the man who killed Asuma. His sensei himself had told him that some deaths were meant to gain greater things, perhaps this was one of them. This whole ordeal would eventually somehow tie in to protecting Konoha and its future.

"Ehhmm-mmmh," Tsunade cleared her throat and addressed the head on her desk,

"So, you are Hidan of the Akatsuki?"

"_Ex_-Akatsuki. Hidan the Immortal, Slave of Jashin, at your service."

"Ex-Akatsuki?"

"Yeah, Ex-Akatsuki. If you're wondering whether any of those bastards are coming back for me, don't worry. They left me here to rot in my hell hole, courtesy of that little guy over there." Hidan rolled his eyes to where Shikamaru stood. Shikamaru simply made a small, noncommittal noise. Tsunade considered this new piece of information. She bent forward on her elbows and laced her fingers together in between the head and herself. Hidan decided to use this moment to his advantage.

"If you have no use for me as a talking head, besides being the kunoichi's pet, I'd love it if you could reunite me with my body. You'd please not only myself but Lord Jashin as well." Tsunade had to smile at his forwardness. _He really has nothing to loose_, she thought.

"I'm flattered that you offer you services to us so openly, but I'm afraid you must be the kunoichi's pet a little longer until we figure out what to do with you. Regardless of your rift with the Akatsuki, you are still an S-Class missing-nin and you pose a threat to this village and our allies."

"You know…I can guarantee the safety of your village and your allies from myself. I'd be forever in your debt if you reattached me to my body." Hidan obviously didn't realize that the Hokage couldn't be bargained with so easily. He simply thought he could underestimate her because of her youthful face. He didn't know how far from the mark he'd struck.

"That is true, but we cannot take your word for it. Don't worry, I'm not letting you go this easily." Tsunade continued to smile sweetly as she relaxed back into her chair. Hidan looked at her aghast and ground his teeth.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU LEAF NINJA?!! TELL ME! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DIG ME UP IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME GO!!?" Hidan's outburst caused two jounins to run into the room with weapons withdrawn.

"Hokage-sama! What's wrong?!" one of them asked as the two tried to peer at the Hokage and her desk from behind the wall of Naruto, Sakura, and Shikamaru's bodies. Reacting just as fast, Sakura had jumped forward and pressed Hidan's head into her mid-section while keeping one hand firmly over his mouth. Tsunade held her head in one hand as she calmed them down and dismissed them. Once they left, Sakura glared down at Hidan who peered up at her just as angrily. Unfortunately, his anger dissipated as he realized where he was viewing her from, this caused his glare to fade and his cheeks turn slightest hint of pink before he shifted his eyes to meet the golden pair of the Hokage. No matter how long Hidan lived, he'd never be used to being in such close proximity to women. He mentally sighed in defeat and realized he didn't mind the 'pet' option as much as before. He broke out of his reverie when he heard the Hokage's voice answer his previous question just as vaguely as he had expected.

"In regards to your previous question, the answer is classified information. Now, I have a very big headache so I suggest you keep your voice down unless you're willing to loose anymore of yourself to a Konoha Nin."

"Wait! Baa-Chan! Can't you tell me?" Naruto bent forward and flattened his palms against her desk.

"Not now, Naruto, come back later…dismissed." Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose and called for Shizune to get her some tea. As Naruto looked at Tsunade incredulously, Shikamaru caught Sakura's eye and the silent message with it: _Naruto doesn't know. Don't tell him._

"…this is so troublesome…I'm going. Sakura. Naruto." With a nod to each of them, Shikamaru stepped back and poofed out with another quickly dissipating screen of gray smoke.

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**Hey...I've decided to answer your questions about this story. Anything regarding the characters and plot or if there is any information that seems to be confusing you... If you just put them in your reviews, I'll try to answer them all without giving away important bits.**

**meaning that I'm compiling a F.A.Q.s page for this now that I've got 7 chapters :D**


	8. Chapter 8: Neverending dilemmas

**so, this chapter explains some things but I'm coming to a writer's block and my writing style is really off towards the end, so just as a warning...**

**I already said that I don't know where I'm going with this story, and I can't just follow reviewers' orders.**

**as always, I don't own the characters but this ridiculous plot that is slowly forming into a story is mine**

**QUESTION: **What do you like best about this story? The humor, romance, general plot/idea, or something else?

**okays, please read, review, and answer the question if you can**

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One after another, a new dilemma 

"Well, _that_ was helpful, You didn't get to explain anything to me." Naruto complained as he put his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky.

"I'm sorry Naruto, but it can't be helped. It's not even your mission but the Hokage's going to tell you about it anyway, right? Can't you at least be grateful for that?"

"I guess…" Naruto conceded as the two walked down an empty street aimlessly trying to think of what to do next.

"Great. No I can't even go on my hospital rounds because I'm stuck with Hidan."

"Hey! I heard that! What the hell are you talking about?" came a muffled cry from Sakura's back. She swung her backpack around to clutch it in front of her. Unzipping the main compartment, Naruto and Sakura peered in at the wincing head.

"Would you warn me next time you do that? Seriously, I swear you people are blinding more than Itachi's Mangekyo does him." Hidan grumbled to himself.

"Sakura-Chan, what wrong with just taking him with you?" Sakura looked stricken at the question.

"Are you kidding? I can't walk into a hospital with a disembodied, talking head! He'd scare everyone there, even the children would have heart-attacks!"

"Hmph…maybe if I was more _whole_ and _appealing to the eye_…" Hidan said his two-bit with slightly bitter edge to his voice.

"Then why don't you leave him at home?" the blonde continued his incessant questioning.

"I can't leave him alone!"

"She can't leave me alone!" Hidan and Sakura disagreed with the prospect at the same time. Naruto pointedly ignored Hidan's outburst, instead, he looked at Sakura, trying to find the reasoning for her answer on her face.

"Why not? It's not like he can do anything. He doesn't even need to eat or drink." Upon hearing this, Hidan bristled. Enough was enough.

"Seriously, you two are talking about me like I'm not even here! Don't I get a say in this?"

"NO!" both shinobi turned to look at him like a pair of parents annoyed with their child before continuing their own bickering.

"You don't understand! It's my responsibility to watch him." Sakura was struggling to come up with decent answers.

"He doesn't even have a body. You can actually trust him not to do anything. If you left him on a shelf, all he'd do is count the pattern in the carpet."

"I can't, Naruto…it's my mission." This time, Naruto crossed his arms at her impatiently,

"You _can't_ or you _won't_?" by now, Hidan had been ignoring the squabbling between the two teens, but this question caused his ears to perk up interested. Sakura didn't want to say anything. There was no way she could answer the question. She herself wasn't sure of what the answer was, so she angrily gave him the only reply she could, not caring how lame it sounded, even to her own ears.

"J-Just go ask the Hokage, okay? I'm going . I have better things to do than talk about this!" then with a chakra-powered jump, Sakura landed on top of the highest building nearby. Without looking back at Naruto, she randomly hopped buildings to the edge of the village to keep Naruto from following her trail.

With a soft sigh, Sakura landed in the middle of her personal training area an hour later. It was a good distance into the uncharted wilderness that surrounded the Village. Only a shinobi who could follow her scent would be able to find her.

Sakura walked over to the edge of the little clearing and slumped down against a tree trunk while simultaneously pulling off her backpack and dropping it nest to her. It landed with a loud 'Oof!' and a string of curses that woke her out of her stupor.

"Oh no! Hidan, I'm sorry! I forgot that you were in there!" she amended as she reached in to pull the glaring head out and set it on the grass in front of her. In truth, she really had forgotten that she wasn't alone because throughout the duration of her little escapade, Hidan had remained absurdly quiet, he hadn't emitted a single sound. That was an amazing thing to happen on its own. Sakura furrowed her brow and looked at him perplexed.

"Hidan, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Hidan shot her an incredulous look,

"_What's wrong?_ You just dropped me and now my head freaking hurts!" Sakura put a glowing green hand on the red bump adorning his forehead as she clarified the meaning of her question.

"Look, I already said I'm sorry about that, but that's not what I mean…you've been awfully quiet this entire trip. You didn't say anything for at least an hour." Hidan grunted at her,

"Neither did you."

"Touché." Sakura pulled her hand away after he his bump healed to sit back on her haunches and observed Hidan. Scattered beams of light filtered through the leaves overhead and the sunlight causes Hidan's hair to glint in iridescence. Seeing the phenomenon, Sakura realized that her earlier conclusion of Hidan's hair being silver was wrong. Well…it was still silver, just not the same as before because, for thing, it was whiter then before, and for another, it was ridiculously shiny, even if it was a mess again.

Hidan on the other hand had been observing his surrogate baby-sitter with a critical eye. He noticed that she was calmer then before. He also noticed a look of…was it sheepishness? As she pulled out the same comb she had used on him that morning. He was about to give a vehement protest when her normally confident voice came out soft and demure,

"Hidan…how do you want me to do your hair?" Hidan inwardly groaned. He really didn't want himself and that comb to be within arm's reach of Sakura at the same time.

"It's fine, this is how its supposed to be!" He said in an effort to throw her off.

"Really? Is this how it is when you're fighting?" Sakura used her finger to slowly, teasingly, comb some of his locks back before continuing,

"No wonder you lost your last battle, you can't see anything with it covering your eyes so much." Hidan was too shocked by her touch to acknowledge the insult, instead, he corrected her assumption with a slight quiver in his voice.

"N-No, It's not like this in battle," Hidan took a sharp breath as Sakura smoothed more of his hair back and leaned closer to come to his eye level.

"Then how?" she breathed. _Women…_he thought to himself hopelessly as he gave in and told her _exactly_ how he kept his hair. He didn't even mind when that infernal comb connected with his head for the second time that day because he was too busy gazing at her face as she concentrated on his hair. Her hands flew over his head in rapid, delicate motions and Hidan let himself get stuck in a daze. _Seriously?_ He thought, _I'm an S-Calss Criminal, I shouldn't be enjoying this! I…I…Jashin-Sama…forgive me…but I think I've found another pleasure besides pain…_

As Sakura worked, she blanked her mind of all her responsibilities and decided that the best thing to do was to deal with problems as the came. Completing such a menial task as fixing Hidan's hair seemed to calm all the torrents of stress inside of her. Moving back, she viewed her work and chuckled quietly because Hidan had fallen asleep. His eyes were closed serenely and a soft smile graced his lips. Upon hearing her laugh, Hidan cracked an eye open and the smile turned into a small frown.

"What's so funny?" Sakura giggled slightly,

"You were _sleeping_."

"No, I wasn't."

"Then what _were_ you doing just now?"

"I was meditating" Sakura gave him a look that said 'yeah right, I believe you' before changing the subject to something more important.

"Hidan, if you're Ex-Akatsuki, you wouldn't mind giving us some information about them, would you?"

"I fucking would mind if there isn't anything in it for me." He replies smugly.

"You're not really one to be calling the shots in this deal here, Hidan, judging by your recently acquired handicap." She smiled at him sweetly.

"Well, I won't be answering your questions for nothing."

"Fine…then how about this: In return for each question you answer, I answer one of yours?" Hidan looked at Sakura cryptically,

"How can I trust you?"

"How can you not?" she replied in the same tone he used previously. Grumbling, Hidan thought the offer over and conceded,

"Fine. First question, ask away"

"Where are all of the Akatsuki bases?" Hidan scoffed at her but answered anyway.

"Well, I've only been to the on in Rain but there are others…" Hidan listed all the bases he knew as Sakura mentally ticked off the ones that Konoha had already found.

"now, my turn…what happened to my partner, Kakuzu?" Sakura thought back through the mission reports from the previous years.

"He was defeated by Naruto's latest jutsu at the time, then killed by Kakashi-sensei during the same battle you were defeated in."

"Hnh…so that was the end of 'ol Stitch-face, too…" Hidan thought back to his time with Kakuzu. They really weren't the worst of partners, sure they may have looked like it, but they got along great. They had a complicated relationship. Kakuzu would always count his money but when Hidan needed him to, he'd stitch him back up as well. He lowered his eyes to stare at the blades of grass in respect for his diseased partner. A moment later, he heard Sakura's next question,

"How old are you?"

"Technically, I'm over fifty but Jashin-Sama gave me the Gift when I was in my twenties, I seriously don't remember."

The two went back and forth like that for a while. Sometimes asking important questions, sometimes asking silly ones like "Is pink your natural hair color?" until finally, there were very few things left that Sakura still yearned to know. She had save her most important question for last.

"Do you know anything about Jinchuuriki and how they control their bijuu? Better yet, do you know how to control bijuu?"

"No. Leader was the only one who knew what would happen after we caught them all. That bastard was just using us for his own desires, I bet. I swear by Jashin, I'll make him have the most painful death imaginable, even if I end up suffering, too."

"Oh" Sakura was taken aback by Hidan's sudden ferocity, _but really, who can blame the guy? He was abandoned by the same people he'd been serving loyally for years._

"My turn, right? That was your last one? 'Cuz I really don't feel like answering anymore damn question. Anyway, my question is: Whose idea was all this? To dig me up?" Sakura didn't want to tell him, but there was no way she could avoid the question either.

"Mine…" Hidan quirked an eyebrow

"Seriously?"

"Yeah"

"Shit" Hidan had to give some props to the pink-haired kunoichi seated in front of him. He didn't think anybody would have the guts to dig up someone's remains, let alone the ninjas from Konoha since they were thought to be stay away from inhumane and immoral actions like playing with the dead (or believed-to-be-dead). He looked at the kunoichi with a newfound admiration.

"How the hell did you come up with that idea?" Sakura gave him the look that only her enemies saw before they died, so unless they were her allies they wouldn't have survived to tell the tale. **(A/N: now how Hidan knew this tale is beyond me, but oh well)** Sakura quirked an eyebrow and smirked at him.

"I'm a medic-nin, you could call it morbid curiosity" she said with a shrug. Hidan was surprised to say the least. His eyes widened and he started praying furiously in his mind: _Jashin-Sama! I swear, if I had my body, I would whisk her away from here and bring her to you! She's perfect. And damned sexy as well._

By the time Hidan was done with his thoughts, Sakura had moved away from him to lean back against the tree. She went through everything she had just learned from the enlightening experience. _Well…even though he doesn't know anything that could help Naruto, I think something good still came out of this. I learned a lot about him and about the Akatsuki. He didn't sound like he was hiding anything. Maybe…maybe we can trust him. He wants to go after the Akatsuki as well, ne? _

"Hey, I don't like being in the sun, dammit, it's not good for my skin." With a short sigh, Sakura picked him up and placed him beside her under the more heavily shaded area. Hidan however was immensely pleased to be closer to her.

"So what now? You wanted info on those Akatsuki-bastards, and I told everything."

"I don't know. First I have to tell Tsunade-sama everything you've told me. Then we'll see what she thinks." Sakura ran her fingers through her hair, trying to think of the next step since her plan turned out to be mostly fruitless. All they had left was to deal with the disembodied immortal's dilemma.

"But aren't you the one calling all the shots?" Hidan watched her profile as she stared up into the trees.

"It's not that simple. The Hokage still has to approve of everything that I do."

"Well aren't you the little goodie two-shoes…" Sakura cast him an annoyed look before standing up and stretching.

"Whatever, we should probably head back, they might get worried about us."

"Ok, but one more question." Hidan watched Sakura move her limbs around.

"I thought that was the last one?"

"No, this was the one of those questions that you didn't answer earlier, you can just leave me alone anywhere, so why won't you?" Sakura stopped her stretching and looked at him a little surprised.

"Do you want me to?"

"I asked first."

"hmph…" Sakura began walking around the clearing and went through a series of flips and rolls while speaking to him over her shoulder,

"To tell you the truth, I really don't know. So just forget about it or I'll leave you here like I left Naruto." _Why the hell is she avoiding the question?!_ Hidan thought. _Che. Women._ A moment later, Sakura bounded back and tucked him away in his little carrying-case. Swinging her backpack back on, she headed back to her house.

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**another reminder: I'm willing to put together a FAQs chapter so if you have questions, just stick them in a review and I'll try to answer them. It really really helps me to know what components of the story are missing so I can make the story better.**


	9. Chapter 9: Where Promises Lead

Thanks to Mokana-Chan for all the tips. You really helped me figure out what was missing in the story. Lots of love to you!

**This is** a short, intense chapter with some character developement that sets up the story a little more, I've created a story line and I know where I'm going with this now. I'm sorry if you don't like what I've done with some of the characters but it's part of the plot.

**I've also** upped the romance and tried to keep the humor in there as well :)

**You probably** want to kill me for including this bit of **drama** in my romantic comedy, but I assure you, there won't be so much after this.

...as always, I don't own the characters but the now 90 developed plot is mine.

**QUESTION:** will be posted at the end of the chapter so as not to spoil anything :)

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_**Where Promises Lead**_

Upon returning home, Sakura dumped Hidan on the sofa in her living room and told him that she was going to go take a shower, regardless of his protests to bring him with her.

"Please?? I can't stay alone in here! I'll be bored out of my mind and then Jashin will never forgive me for going insane!" Sakura was tired from the journey and of all the thinking she had been doing lately, it was really time for her to wind down by herself.

"_Hidan_, I am going to take a _shower_ I am not going to have you in the bathroom with me as I take one." Although he hadn't realized at first what exactly he was asking by begging to be not left alone, Hidan's pale face tinted a little just a little as he tried to amend himself.

"Hey! I'm a man of god, I'm not into those perverted things! I swear I won't look!" Sakura held her head and sighed.

"Listen…even if I _did_ believe you, I still wouldn't let you in. I really need to be alone right now. Ok?" Sakura's voice had taken an almost hysterical edge as she said the last word.

"Seriously! I'll go insane being in here all by myself! I can't even do anything! What if my nose itches or dust gets in my eye?"

"HIDAN YOU'VE BEEN IN A DARK HOLE IN THE GROUND FOR TWO YEARS AND YOU'RE STILL _ALIVE_, WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK THAT BEING ALONE IN HERE ON A _COUCH_ WILL DRIVE YOU TO ANYMORE INSANITY THAN BEING BURIED ALREADY DID NOT?" Sakura had gotten a wild look in here eyes and the veins on her forehead looked ready to explode. Hidan was much too afraid of the medic to tell her about the million other reasons that he shouldn't be left alone. Even as Sakura turned around and stomped up the stairs to take a shower, the room was still charged by her anger. Hidan simply sat there wide-eyed and speechless. Were he to have his body at that moment, he would most likely have wetted his pants. Now the question remained: Was Hidan was falling in love with Sakura because she could scare the shit out of him when nobody else in the world could or if it was because of all her other attributes which couldn't even compare to her ability to scare the shit out of him. _Jashin-Sama, I know that nobody can compare to your greatness, but I think that if she wanted to, she'd be able to kill me and your gift of immortality would be in vain. I pray that you forgive me for all my sins if she should happen to kill me anytime soon._

Hidan prayed silently for the next forty-five minutes when Sakura came back down clad in clothes similar to ones she wore before. The only way one could tell that she'd come out of the shower was that her hair hung in limp locks and a few drops of water flew around whenever she moved. A couple drops splashed onto Hidan's face, causing him to stop his muttering and open his eyes. What he saw would have given him a heart attack, but all he could do was widen his eyes and choke and sputter on all the words he was trying to say at the same time.

Sakura was bent over directly in front of him with her hands leaning on her knees and her face at the same level as his. Seeing him wake up from whatever he was doing, she gave him a huge grin and patted his head not noticing that his eyes had begun traveling lower and lower from her face to her shirt collar, which had slipped lower and lower as well. If his eyes could have widened any more, they would have, but he averted his gaze back to her face as a pink tint slowly crept up his stump of a neck and across his cheeks. So disheveled was Hidan by Sakura's sudden appearance, that he failed to hear whatever she had just said.

"…what?"

"I said, that we should go see Tsunade-sama again, now that you've told me everything you know. It's best if she gets this report as soon as possible." Hidan didn't really want to leave the house. For that would mean that he'd be stuck in that sack of a backpack on her back again. He'd already been inside of it enough to last him an eternity. Nor did he want to be around anyone else except Sakura for the moment since she seemed so relaxed and happy, it was mesmerizing enough for him to forget that arguing with her was a bad idea.

"Why? Can't you tell her tomorrow? One more day won't make that big of a difference." She remained unfazed by the annoyance in his voice.

"Because silly, the sooner she gets the report, the sooner we can figure out what to do with you. I thought you'd figured that out by now." _Silly?_, Hidan thought, _SILLY?!_ _Nobody calls a me silly and gets away with it!...wait…_then the second part of her statement clicked in his brain.

"…so does this mean that you'll put me back together with the rest of my body and let me go?" Sakura sighed at his denseness and stood up straight once more.

"No. Remember Hidan, the only thing we know about you is that you're not loyal to Akatsuki anymore. You're still an S-class missing-nin. You're still a potential threat to Konoha. We don't know where your loyalties lie." Hidan grimaced.

"My loyalties lie only with Lord Jashin. I will continue to follow his ways to the best of my abilities, until the end of time. There is no doubt in that. What I will do to follow his ways, I cannot say." Sakura gave him a scathing look as she put her hands on her hips and looked down at him.

"Oh really? And what, might I ask, are the ways of Lord Jashin?"

"To disbelievers such as yourself, his ways are always misunderstood. I'm not going to talk about my lord if you're not going to listen seriously. Besides, I don't think you're ready to know. " Hidan was really serious about this. He didn't want his lord's doctrine to be taken in vain. He'd always had bad experiences with people whenever he tried to explain his beliefs to them. He usually ended up killing them as sacrifices because of their stupidity and how they would always jump to conclusions.

Sakura gave Hidan a small pout because he was holding information back. But seeing his grim look, she gave a huff and collapsed on the couch next to him. Then, unexpectedly, she reached over and set Hidan on her lap. Hidan, who was caught off-guard by the sudden, intimate placement of himself dropped his stoic and serious air as his initial thoughts immediately scattered to be replaced with something that was not at all about his faith. But he battled with them and his initial thoughts came out to be victorious. _Shit! I can't tell her! She's going to try and make me! I can't! Jashin-Sama's rules are too much for her to understand right now! I...I... Oh…_ Sakura had begun twirling strands of his hair around one of her fingers while her other hand lazily traced circles at the nape of his neck.

"Ssakurraa…what… are you doing?" He ground out thick-voiced.

"Waiting for you to tell me about your religion, Hidan-kun." She went on innocently as if she didn't know exactly what she was doing to him. Hidan had never, in his life, felt as out of control as he did now. He had always decided what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it. Even if he followed Jashin's rules, it was because he _chose_ to follow them out of his own free will. He, unlike most people, was even in control of his pain because he inflicted it himself or _let_ someone hit him. This time, he couldn't help himself get out of his predicament. He couldn't control the desires that stirred in him. He couldn't make her _stop. I can't…tell…her…not…now!_

"I-I….already told you. You're…not r-ready." Abruptly, her fingers became motionless and the tingling sensations on his skin stopped. _Oh, thank you Jashin._

"What do you mean? I only want to know. Why can't you tell me?" Sakura stopped playing around and looked at him seriously. Hidan closed his eyes momentarily so he could stop himself from being engulfed in her great, green eyes as they shown with curiosity.

"Because, you won't understand it yet. You can't."

"Hidan, you and I both know that I'm one of the smartest shinobi in Konoha." Sakura crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him impatiently. Hidan tried to shake his head,

"No, you need a little more than book-smarts to get this, Pinky. I can't tell you because you don't trust me."

"But I do."

"Not really, this isn't called trust, I'm only a freaking head and I can't do anything. When you give me my body back, then I'll know you trust me, and when you do, I promise, I'll tell you because that's when you'll be able to understand." Sakura gazed at him intensely and her voice lost the perkiness she had a moment ago when she next in spoke in a dull whisper.

"You…a promise?" The words 'I promise' had brought an onslaught of unhappy memories from her past. The one thing that she desired the most, for Sasuke to return to her, to Konoha, was a promise, too. But it never happened. It was never fulfilled. That was the promise Naruto made to her when Sasuke left with Orochimaru. When Sasuke had abandoned them, their team, their _family_. She had squeezed her soul dry to shed as many tears as she did that day, and that was the very first promise that anyone had ever made to her. That was also the first promise to be broken when Team Seven ceased to exist and Team Kakashi returned empty-handed from their countless retrieval missions. When Naruto and Sakura found out that Sasuke killed Orochimaru and was now searching by himself, they simply gave up. They realized that he could return to them anytime but they would never be able to force him to come. If he wanted to throw his life away after his brother on a 'whim', then so be it. Naruto and Sakura had decided to lock that section of the past behind them and pretend that he didn't even exist anymore.

_Promise? What's a promise?_ _They're only meant to be broken_. Simply put, she didn't believe in the promises that others made her.

_**No! That's not true! It doesn't always have to be this way! You know better then that, Sakura! It's not even that big of a deal! He's promising to tell you something. It's not same as promising to bring back Sasuke!**_

Hidan looked at Sakura with concern etched into his face. Sakura hadn't said anything for a few minutes since she had whispered those words, nor had she blinked.

"Hey…Sakura? You okay? Snap out of it!"

"I-I'm fine, Hidan. I think we should get going…" Sakura gave a start and he eyed her uncertainly.

"Go where?" Sakura's lips slowly formed into a smile.

"To see the Hokage, of course! Maybe there's a way for you to get your body back!" Hidan still wasn't sure what was going on with the pink haired kunoichi. He couldn't trust her mood swings. He was simply thinking, _Wait…what just happened?

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_**QUESTION(S)**: So...was this peek into Sakura's emotional state a little too intense??? 

Did the added drama and character development ruin the light, humorousness of this story????

I hope not, I really do, but I think I needed to set up a way for Sakura to be free of certain burdens and confined by others. This way, the story has a reason to go on and it's not like, _oh, Sakura and Hidan fell in love and lived happily ever after_ cause, seriously, life is never like that because then its toooo boring. Sakura isn't a boring character. Niether is Hidan.

And does Hidan seem OOC or more in-character now????

**Please please please- REVIEW this chapter since its really important and answer the questions**


	10. Chapter 10: Oh the possiblities

**heheheh... so I've been fighting this hulking beast who calls himself Writer's Block. He's got giant claws and bloody fangs and advances on me as I write. But, lately, I'v managed to beat him back with some Mocha Brownies :D There are so many ff authors out there that are so much better then me and I admire them for their skills at taking a one-time character who has less then five details, and weaving an extraordinary story with them.**

**I'm sorry if there are errors, I don't have a Beta so I always proofread myself.**

**I'm also sorry if the tone/mood of this story and its characters change, but it can't be helped if my mood goes up and down. I also can't write consistently because I get bored of writing the same way over and over again. But I'm trying to control it.**

**no question this time because I know you've been waiting for this, so just read and gimme a review! (Please?)**

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Oh, the possibilities. 

Hidan was once again inside Sakura's backpack as she briskly walked through the streets of Konoha. She had decided to let Inner-Sakura take charge of things for the moment, even if Inner-Sakura might end up making a mess of everything. _**But hey, at least I'll spice things up around here! It's so boring!**__ Just because my life has a simple pattern in it doesn't mean that it's boring. __**Patterns are supposed to constantly change.**__ But that completely defeats the purpose! __**It's those ever-changing patterns that help you become unpredictable to the enemy. That's the best way to defeat them, too. **__I thought we were talking about my life? __**You have survive those enemies to have a life! Hah! I win!**_

Sakura was nearly humming with excitement at the prospect of unfolding a new future. She deftly walked past Ichiraku's Ramen but halted when Naruto suddenly burst out,

"Sakura-Chan! Where'd you run off to? And where's that talking head?" Sakura gave Naruto a huge smile before grabbing his arm and pulling him along with her towards the Hokage's Tower.

"No time to explain Naruto! Come on! I've got to tell Tsunade! You should be there, too!"

"Naruto! You didn't pay! Get back here!" shouted the owner of the Ichiraku's Ramen.

"I will! I promise-tebayo!" Naruto yelled back as he tried to squirm free from Sakura's vice-like grip.

"Tsunade-Shisou!" Sakura burst through the door as Shikamaru and Tsunade, who were both bent over something on her desk, turned around to look at her curiously.

"Oh! Good, you're here, too!" Sakura exhaled seeing Shikamaru.

"Sakura, what's all this about?" Tsunade asked, quickly getting to the point.

"Well, I wanted to report my findings to you as soon as I could so that we could consider all the possibilities."

"Possibilities?" Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow. Naruto still had no clue what was going on as he looked from one face to another, as he stood behind Sakura's shoulder.

"mhm, all the possibilities that open up, but first, you have to hear everything Hidan told me."

"_Hidan_?" Shikamaru and Naruto both asked at the same time, surprised to hear the kunoichi on a first-name basis with the Ex-Akatsuki.

"That's my name, isn't it?" Growled Hidan as Sakura swung her bag around to take out the hidden speaker. Once she had Hidan settled in her arms (**A/N: aww, like a baby)**, she began,

"So, we all know that Hidan is no longer a member of the Akatsuki. He says-"

"Wait, how do we know he's not loyal to them anymore?" Naruto interrupted.

"Because, he told me everything he knew about them."

"He did?"

"Yes, and most of what he told me, we already knew so the facts check in-"

"Wait, you _knew_ all that already? Why the hell did you keep asking me questions?" Hidan butted in and tried to look

"I didn't know _everything_, besides, now we're all on the same page."

"Not quite, so what new things did you learn?" Shikamaru finally asked.

"Well, he says there there's an emergency Akatsuki base in Fire Country but it was set to explode after only one use. Apparently, it hasn't been used yet, or we would've known already. He also told me that he knows nothing of the tailed beasts except that the Leader of the Akatsuki told them to capture them all. Hidan doesn't even know what the Leader planned to do with the bijuu once he had them all." Tsunade shot a cynical glance towards Hidan.

"You don't know anything?" Hidan snorted rudely,

"That's what she said, didn't she?"

"Then if you didn't know what you were doing it for, why did you even join the Akatsuki?" Shikamaru stared at the disembodied head in Sakura's arms. Hidan evenly stared back. There was a tense moment of animosity and mistrust between the two shinobi until Naruto cleared his throat,

"ah-h-m…uh…Sakura-Chan, I think you can put him down on the desk…heh heh…" Sakura looked down at herself and blushed before hastily agreeing and placing Hidan on the desk, she hadn't even realized that she had been holding him. Once on the desk, Hidan finally answered, but it wasn't what they wanted to hear.

"I joined those bastards because they offered me a way to better please my Lord Jashin."

"And just what exactly pleases Lord Jashin?" Tsunade asked, looking skeptical and wary with her arms crossed over her expansive bosom. The task itself was something difficult, that the ninja around her always wondered how she managed to do it so much.

"To relieve the world of those that cause pain to others."

"Really? So what were you doing in the Akatsuki since you weren't causing pain to others yourself?"

"Sacrifices must be made to reach the ultimate goal. Leader had convinced me to join them because he wanted to rid the world of pain as well. Or, at least, that is what the bastard told me." Hidan answered gravely. Everybody remained silent and lost in their own thoughts that had been provoked by the man's first statement. Many had lost their lives for Konoha. The great Memorial Stone that had all the diseased shinobis' names carved into was a constant reminder that they had died. Though few people understood why. They always became angry or aggrieved or overwhelmed by what the future could bring. They never understood that the purpose of Shinobi was to die protecting something they loved. To die protecting Konoha. To make Konoha safe. To let it have a future worth living for. That was the ultimate goal of Konoha and the Memorial Stone was the story of all the sacrifices that had been made for it.

Tsunade finally looked away from Hidan because of the truth of his words. With a deep sigh, she asked him the question that had been left unanswered from their previous meeting.

"So where _do_ your loyalties lie, Hidan?"

"To Jashin. My life is to be His devoted servant." Hidan rolled his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Shikamaru rapped lightly on the desk with a knuckle to get Hidan's attention as he spoke next.

"So, _Hidan_, hypothetically speaking, if you were to be freed from Konohagakure and had your body reassembled, what would you do? You can't go back to the Akatsuki."

"What is this? Some interrogation shit you're trying to pull on me?" Hidan looked at Shikamaru with an irritated face.

"That's the idea. That's why you're not in that hole of your's right now. So answer the question."

"Well, for starters, I'd go an take down the rest of those Akatsuki bastards who left me to rot. Then, I'd kill them again. After that…I don't know, I'd just do whatever Jashin-Sama requires of me. What's it to you, kid?" Shikamaru glanced at Tsunade, she gave a tip of the head. Sakura watched the silent messages between the two and realized what was about to come next.

"Naruto…" Tsunade began as she sat down in her chair.

"Take Hidan and yourself out into the hall until I call you both back in." Naruto stared at the Hokage, puzzled.

"Wait…you want _me_ to take _him_ out? I have to _hold_ him? Baa-chan…are you sure about this? " Naruto vehemently pointed from himself to the head on the desk that glared every time the accusatory finger indicated him.

"_Naruto…_" Tsunade growled.

"Okay! Okay…so how do I do this?" Naruto tried to placate the other blond with his hands before tentatively coming closer to the desk and placing his hands around the silver-haired man's head. _Oh Jashin… I swear…I though the kyuubi was supposed to be a lot smarter then this..._ Hidan thought as he felt fingers nervously settle under his jaw.

"Yeah, that's right Naruto. Hidan, is that fine?" Sakura encouraged the blond as she adjusted Hidan in Naruto's grasp.

"If 'not-being-choked-but-coming-close-enough is _fine_, then yeah, I'm perfectly fine." He muttered.

"Alright then, let's go." Naruto turned around stiffly, afraid of dropping the head. Once he exited the office, he heaved a deep sigh, then leaning back against the wall, he slid down on the floor and placed Hidan beside him.

"Tsunade-baa-Chan always kicks me out of the room during important meetings. What do you think they're talking about?" Hidan sent Naruto a sideways glance, he couldn't believe how dense this kid was.

"Seriously? Who do you think? They're obviously talking about me?"

"Oh. See…If I'm going to be Hokage one day, I should know what's going on. I should be in there, too. Why doesn't anybody understand that?" Naruto folded his arms behind his head and stared at the wall.

"pfft. Kid, you're planning to be Hokage?" Naruto gave Hidan a sharp glance.

"I'm not just planning. I am going to be the Hokage of this village, one day. And, I'll be great one, too. Just like all the Hokage's before me." Hidan scoffed up at him.

"You sure about that, Kyuubi? It takes a little more to be leader of anything." Naruto cast Hidan an annoyed look. He really hated it when people underestimated him.

"There's a special bond between a village and its shinobi. As long as that bond is there and the shinobi are willing to protect it, they can do anything. Believe it! That's what the Third told me a long time ago, but I guess you couldn't compare, could you?" Hidan crinkled his brow,

"Why the hell do you say that?"

"Well, you abandoned your village. You don't know anything about the bonds I'm talking about."

"That's because my village was full of idiots and none of them understood the ways of Jashin. Kind of like this one, here." Hidan smirked at the casually thrown in insult. Naruto decided that talking to this guy was useless, so he pointedly ignored him in order to listen in at the Hokage's office door.

…………

Sakura watched Naruto slowly leave with Hidan as apprehension clouded her eyes. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't trust either of the men to hold a decent conversation. She was afraid that Hidan's head might come crashing through the door any moment now with Naruto jumping in after to kick the head around like a soccer ball because of something that Hidan has said to him.

Holding in a sigh, Sakura turned to Tsunade and Shikamaru. Tsunade now had her hands steepled in front of her and she was thinking about what could be done. She knew Sakura already had ideas, but wasn't sure if she was ready to hear any of them.

"Alright, Sakura, I assume that you have a couple of options open. What do you think we should do with Hidan?" Sakura, who had been standing until now, decided to pull up a seat across from her mentor. Swallowing the saliva that had gathered in her mouth, she twiddled her fingers together.

"I-I…well…I don't really know. The only thing I have thought of is that, if the Akatsuki really don't expect Hidan to return but they do trust him because he has been loyal to them…ugh…hold on, what I mean is that perhaps Hidan can be used as a spy to infiltrate the Akatsuki and gather their information."

"That is a possibility. Sakura, but remember, Hidan is not regular shinobi, he has no ties to any village." Shikamaru said.

"And there is no way that we can trust him. If we let him go, he could turn back on us and endanger Konoha." Tsunade added.

"But isn't there a way that we could trust him?"

"Sakura, one again, you're forgetting, why would he help us?"

"Because, he has the same goal as us. We want to stop the Akatsuki from getting Naruto. I know, he doesn't care about Naruto, but he does want to stop those guys, too." Shikamaru's logic cut through her own, once more.

"Then, we only know who he _will_ attack, we don't know who he _won't_." Tsunade watched the argument unfold. Her eyes quietly darted back and forth between the two sides. _Trust Hidan_ or _Don't trust Hidan_.

"We'll just have to test him. If we want any plans to succeed, we need to know if we can trust him. Testing him is the only option." Shikamaru and Sakura both stared at the Hokage. She could see their minds whirring as they digested this new solution.

"I see…" Shikamaru most likely already devised a way to test Hidan in the few seconds it took for Tsunade to speak. Sakura spoke up,

"But how?"

"We'll just have to observe him for a while. He can have his body back but he'll live with one of us for a couple of weeks. We'll throw in a few extra temptations to see what he does to us and the villagers. Depending on how he reacts, we'll know what to think of him."

As Shikamaru, Tsunade, and Sakura discussed all the other aspects of the decision, Naruto and Hidan grew bored by just sitting around doing nothing. Naruto had tried to eaves-drop, but the wooden doors were too thick to let anything out but quiet murmurs. Huffing in defeat, Naruto slumped lower on the floor. Hidan, on the other hand was incessantly curious about a certain someone who'd been niggling away at his thoughts ever since he'd left her house. _Why the hell is she trying to help me?_

"Hey, Kyuubi, tell me a little about your pink-haired friend in there. What does she normally do when not babysitting me?" Naruto cocked his head to look at Hidan wearily.

"Why do you want to know anything about Sakura-Chan?"

"Because, idiot, I might end up as a talking ornament in her house for a long time, it helps to know who I'm dealing with." Naruto snickered,

"A 'Talking Ornament'? I wonder where she would put you. Probably by the shoe closet!"

"Just answer the fucking question!" Hidan tried to look as angry and threatening as he could, but without his scythe, and without his body, he didn't look as intimidating as he wanted.

"Ok, ok, cool down before your blow your head up. Sakura-Chan is a medic. She works shifts in the hospital to pay for the bills."

"Does she live all alone in her house? She wouldn't be able to afford it."

"Yeah, she wouldn't be able to, but it was her parent's house before they passed away. They left it to her in their will." _Oh._ Hidan thought, _that's why I didn't see anyone else around._

"So how long has she been alone?" Naruto looked at Hidan funny.

"Sakura-Chan has never been alone. She's always had the rest of us to keep her company."

"Not like that! I meant when did her parents die?"

"Oh. About a year ago. But that hasn't changed anything. She's still the same Sakura-Chan that we all know." Naruto gave a small smile as his gaze shifted back to the wall and he became lost in his own reminiscing. He didn't look like he'd be talking anymore so Hidan shut his eyes and tried to sleep. Before he even cleared his mind, the Hokage's door flew open and Sakura stepped out looking around.

"Oh! You two are right here!" Seeing the Naruto sprawled next to the talking head peacefully, she began to giggle.

"Aww…were you two _bonding_?" Naruto and Hidan gave a huff of indignation and looked at each other before refuting her beliefs.

"No! I just didn't feel like going anywhere! That's all!"

"And it's not like I can fucking go anywhere, myself." Sakura smiled at the two.

"Well, Hidan, looks like you'll be able to soon."

"Huh?! Sakura-Chan, what's going on? Will somebody pleeease tell me, already!" Naruto asked, getting to his feet. Hidan remained on the floor.

"So, I'm getting my body back?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah!" Sakura grinned, but Hidan narrowed his eyes.

"Then what's the catch?"

"Ah. You see, all you have to do-" Sakura bent down and picked him up to hold him at her eye-level. "is agree to help us. You said you wanted to get back at the Akatsuki, right?"

"So you want me to team up with Konoha? No fucking way." Sakura frowned at him. She had considered this to be a possible problem.

"Why not?"

"I'm loyal to only Jashin. If I help you, then my loyalty will diverge."

"But we have the same freaking goal!"

"So?" Hidan blurted out his answer but he instantly regretted it as he saw anger light up Sakura's eyes and she let out a strangled "Urgh!!!" and shoved him into her backpack.

"We'll talk about this LATER!"

"Mmph!" was the last thing Naruto, Tsunade, and Shikamaru heard of Hidan as Sakura stomped out of the Hokage's Tower.

"I knew this sort of thing would happen…man…this is so troublesome." Shikamaru stated before pulling his head back into the office. Naruto on the other hand looked a little more pleased than he should have. Smirking smugly,

"I think I almost feel sorry for him now, hee hee."

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**pwease pwease pwease review!**

**reviews help me fight writer's block and stay motivated.**

**The more reviews I get, the better I can fight the block, the faster I can write chapters.**

**ergo**

**more reviewsmore chapters yeah, I love linear logic.**


	11. Chapter 11: Time starts Now!

**Helloooo**

**I took into consideration what some of the reviewers said, and might I say, I was Wow-ed to have 16-and-counting reviews on the last chapter.**

**This one is my longest yet and I tried to make it good. There shouldn't be as many spelling mistakes, missing words, or awkward sentences in this one.**

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed, my artist's block is now in the Critical Care Center of Literary Hospitals, but that doesn't mean that I'll be uploading everyday like I did with the first 9 chapters. More like every few days, but my chapters will be longer and (hopefully) better developed.**

**I would have uploaded earlier but my stupid internet service provider is fing constipated and refuses to connect. I do have a question(s) for readers this time**

**QUESTION** is at the end so as not to spoil.

PLease please review D I love it when you do. And if you followed the linear logic from the last A/N, you'll understand that more reviews equal more motivation equal Faster chapters

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**_And your time starts...Now!_**

Sakura stormed into her room and tossed her backpack (with Hidan still in it) onto her bed. She had managed to stave off some of her anger during the trip and simply let out a frustrated sigh as she let herself drop on to the bed as well. She could hear Hidan muttering to himself from within the confines of her backpack. Sakura frowned to herself, thinking, _How could I have thought that this would be easy?! I mean, he's an S-Class criminal for god's sake! Criminals like him never do anything for others._ She shifted on the bed and the muttering stopped.

Hidan couldn't believe they were going to bribe him with his body for helping them. Of course, to Sakura, what she was doing didn't seem like bribery, but to Hidan, it was a whole other matter. _Jashin-Sama…I live to serve only you. For them to sink so low…I know we're all ninja…but I am a man of god, I don't want to have this on my conscience for all eternity. To live on, knowing that I agreed to split my loyalty to you with others, just so that they could give me something that I want._

"You can take me out now. I know you're there." Hidan's muffled voice exited through the folds of her khaki backpack. Sakura moved towards the bag at the foot of her bed but stopped herself, pulling back, she folded her arms across her chest and thought, _what am I going to do? The only card I have is 'returning his body' and he doesn't like the idea of working with us at all. Why? __**That idiot, he doesn't even realize that we could be doing him a huge favor. Our interests are the same. What the hell is wrong with him?!**_

The only reason Hidan could tell what was going on was because the entire bed moved when someone got on or off or shifted. _Wait…why isn't she taking me out?,_ Hidan wondered as he felt her body move away from his again. _Oh, fuck. She's mad at me. She must be pissed off as hell._

"Sakura? Seriously, take me out of here!" came a slightly strangled voice. Sakura let the silence seep in a little before answering curtly,

"No."

"What?!?!" Hidan's eyed widened in the dark. He couldn't believe she was doing this to him. Konoha ninja weren't like this, were they? But then again, she had proven his 'Konoha Ninja are…' theory wrong before. She_ had_ dug him up when nobody else would. And now, she was trying to get him to help them. Those same 'Konoha Ninja'. A bead of sweat formed as he realized how potentially hazardous this situation was to the only part of him left. His head.

"Not unless you think about what we're offering you." Sakura tinny voice entered his confines of darkness once more.

"I did think about it! And I already told you, no!"

"Hidannnn, you're being an idiot!" Her voice had become dangerously low and had somehow gotten a lot closer. _Whoa! When did she? How the hell did I not feel her come close? Shit. This is bad. Help. Me. Jashin._ Hidan then decided that the best thing for him was to give in to her so that he could serve Jashin another day. But, he couldn't be a sissy about it, he had to back down with his pride still in hand …er… his pride still about him.

"Fine…uh…can you repeat all parts of your offer?" Hidan bit his tongue after hearing his voice sound so timid to his own ears. But then, he was suddenly lifted out of the darkness. He winced and blinked a few times to clear all the spots he was seeing, immediately after, her face came into view right in front of him and Hidan had to do a double take.

Hidan could have sworn that Sakura's voice sounded like she was about to figure out how to kill him, but her face showed none of those same feelings. Instead, her brows were furrowed and she was frowning at him. Perhaps the anger was only in her voice, and it was only there because of her frustration with himself.

"Hidan. The choices you've been given now are as follows: Prove to us that we can trust you, then you'll get your body back permanently. Prove it to us by doing something for Konoha, in this case, help us in taking down the remaining members of Akatsuki. You'll be doing, not only yourself a favor, but the rest of the world as well. Now…Do you agree to this?" She spoke patiently, as if to a child.

"You already know my previous answer…but what are you going to do if I don't agree?" Hidan was testing his ground. He really didn't want to give in to Konoha. But what if he had to? Jashin really didn't care for useless martyrs. They simply died and their memories died with them.

"_I_ wouldn't _do_ anything if you don't agree. _I_ would just hand you over to Tsunade or Ibiki, our Interrogation Squad Captain. After that, I have no idea what _they_ would do to you. But if I had to guess…" Sakura's tone gradually changed from cryptic to conversational. As if the subject was not about Hidan's impending doom, but of how the weather was that day or how many copies of the latest Icha Icha book had sold. "I would say that Tsunade-Sama would just have you tossed back in that hole in Shikamaru's giant backyard, but Ibiki…I can't really say. He's an interrogations and torture specialist. He _likes_ his job. If he's really hell bent on torturing you, he'll say that your head isn't enough, he'll probably have you reattached to _certain_ sections of your body to better torture you with."

As Sakura went on explaining what the phrase '_certain_ sections of body' meant, Hidan's face got paler and paler, he tried to gulp down the lump in his throat, but considering that he didn't have much of a neck, all that swallowing did him no good and he only managed to emit an unusual clicking/gurgling noise from the bottom of his neck. Sakura tried to ignore the fact that Hidan, the helpless, disembodied head in her hands-Hidan, was nervous, and perhaps a little frightened by some of the unthinkable things she described. Until now, she had been holding Hidan by his temples because she wanted him to pay attention, but her own caring nature took over upon seeing his badly hidden distress, so she let up on the descriptions and considered the situation from his perspective, which was very difficult for her to do. It's not like she could… say 'Step in someone else's shoes for a change', could she? _Well…I guess, if _I_ were a bodiless head, I wouldn't be able to do anything but think for myself. I would have to depend on others for everything. Transport, Protection, Sanity…__**I'd be scared too**__To have to _trust_ the same people who defeated you. __**I bet it's because of his pride/dignity/whatever-men-have issue.**__ No. It has nothing to do with being a man or woman. __**Then what?**__ It's because having to choose sides…it's a big deal…and once you make a choice, it's a fucking big change. __**sigh I guess you win this round. Until next time.**_Sakura set Hidan down with one hand and pinched the bridge of her nose with the other, hoping to get rid of the budding headache.

"Ok, I understand that this is difficult for you…I guess…I'll give you three days to come to a decision now that you know all of the choices. Until then, I'll leave you alone to think." Sakura said looking down at Hidan. The hand resting on the side of his head shifted and she unconsciously wove her fingers through his hair while her thumb gently drifted over his temple, almost caressingly, before pulling her hand away, getting off the bed, and leaving the room with an expressionless face.

Hidan watched her leave, his expression frozen between shock, uncertainty, and pleasure. As soon as the bit of pink was out of sight, Hidan let out a breath that he hadn't even known he was holding. The kunoichi that took care of him confused him far more than his muddled mind could take, and to top it off, now he had to pick which path to take and seal his fate that way forever. Literally, forever, since he'd be around long enough. Then, that thought led him to thinking about her life. She wouldn't be around as long as he would. Then who would he talk to? Being stuck in that hole for two years had been a very lonely experience, and now that he was out of it, he craved attention from other people, especially her. Unlike any other people he'd met, she actually _talked_ to _him_ as a person, not as ninja or the man of god that he was. But, she was gone for now, she said she'd leave him alone to think. The problem was, he didn't want to be alone and he didn't want to _think_ right then either.

"Sakura…" he called out tentatively. He wasn't sure why he wanted her back with him. It's not like he'd come to a decision already. He waited a minute. No answer. He tried calling out once more. Still no answer. Hidan sighed down at the covers, discontented. He didn't know where she was. She hadn't told him when she left. He didn't know if she was still in the house or not. He wanted to send out his chakra and sense for her, but he couldn't because his chakra resided in his _body_. At a loss for what to do, Hidan frowned down at the swirling leaf patterns on the bedspread.

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Sakura kicked a rock as she walked around in the playground by her old academy. It was late afternoon and the air was still. She could see the sun getting closer and closer to setting behind the academy building. All the children had gone home to their families a few hours ago, now, all that was left of their presence were a few messy chalk drawings on the asphalt.

She didn't know why, but this is where she always came when she was worried. Waiting for the inevitable to pass. It was as if all the memories of her pre-shinobi days were still there. They were happy memories of the times when she was really carefree. When she had a family to go to at home. Had friends like Ino at school. The only worries she had was getting an A on her next test and finding a way to get Sasuke to notice her. Remembering her happier past calmed her down. As her brain slowed down, she realized that there was another presence nearby. Looking around, she saw its source sitting lazily on a swing, his face leaning against one of the chains.

Naruto lifted a hand and smiled slowly at her before extricating himself from his seat. It was a little bit harder now that his legs were longer and got caught in the swing a few more times before he was finally able to step away, almost tripping over his own feet in the process.

_So much for being a top shinobi_, she thought as a smile crept over her face at the comical sight.

"Sakura-Chan…" Naruto said as he straightened up and stood in front of her.

"Tsunade-Baachan explained everything to me."

"Really? So you know why we dug him up?"

"Yeah, so you could get information from him about the Akatsuki. But now that he already told you, she said you're trying to get him to help us. Oh…by the way.." Naruto looked around for the talking head, "what did he say?"

"You heard him already, he said 'no'." Sakura told him indifferently, Naruto got a mischievous glint in his eye,

"So what did you do? Throw him back in his hole? Do his hair again?"

"Naruto! Ok, I guess it looked like I was about to do throw him back in there when I left earlier, but no, I didn't, I've given him three days to choose." Sakura smiled a little.

"Then what are you going to do if he doesn't want to help us?" Sakura's smile faded,

"I don't really know. I mean, I threatened him a little. He thinks we're going to torture him, but not really. We, ourselves don't really have a choice. Him helping us is essential to our next move against the Akatsuki." Sakura sighed as Naruto walked next to her and put an arm around her shoulder comfortingly.

"If it's that important Sakura-Chan, then you're just going to have to convince him to help us. You're a kunoichi, you're Sakura-Chan! I know you'll figure it out."

"I guess you're right Naruto. This was all my idea, anyway. Thank you."

"No problem, anything for you Sakura-Chan!" Naruto grinned happily as they walked around in friendly silence towards Ichiraku's Ramen for dinner. Of course, Naruto wasn't buying, but still, it was nice.

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Four hours later, Hidan heard the front door click shut.

_Thank You, Jashin-Sama,_ Hidan prayed, rolling his eyes towards the heavens. When he looked towards the doorway, the hallway light had been switched on. He saw Sakura's shadow on the wall before he saw her enter the room. She was rubbing the back of her neck when she flicked the bedroom light on, when she saw Hidan lying right where she left him (at the foot of her bed), she smiled.

"Hey Hidan, thought about it yet?" Hidan watched as she walked to her dresser and started picking out her pajamas. The change in her demeanor was astounding, he judged that if he told her what he thought right now, nothing bad would happen to him.

"Not really, so my answer is still 'No'"

"Oh really? Not at all?" She asked turning around.

"Nope." He deadpanned.

"Well…that's too bad." She walked over with her pajamas thrown over one arm and bent down to his level and put a hand on his head, "But it's ok, you still have three days to reconsider." With that, she turned him around to face the blank wall.

"Uhhh…Sakura, what are you doing?" She was behind him, the light was behind her, and her shadow fell on the wall ahead. He had no idea what she was doing.

"I'm changing my clothes, idiot. I don't want you to see." Sakura raised her arms and began pulling off her shirt. Hidan was intently watching her shadow mimic her movements. However much he tried to stare at any other blank spot on the wall, however indecent this felt to him, he couldn't keep his eyes away, but managed to ask his next question. His voice came out slightly quivery, but he masked it with feigned anger.

"Then why the hell didn't you just go the bathroom to change?" Sakura pulled her shirt off, took a step towards the bed, and picked up the new one.

"Cuz it's easier to just turn you around then for me to go all the way to the bathroom." Hidan saw curves and his eyes widened exponentially. Hidan saw those curves move around and he shut his eyes. Tight. He could still hear her moving about behind him in the room. He could hear the rustle of fabric and the snap of something. He tried to push all thoughts of what exactly that _something_ could be. There were just so many possibilities.

It seemed like forever to Hidan when he saw Sakura bent over him, staring in confusion, and thankfully, 100 percent clothed.

"Hidan…what are you doing?"

"Oh, ahh, just thinking of something." Well, that wasn't a complete lie.

"Oh? What were you thinking of?" Sakura lifted him up, then getting comfortable against the wall and straightening her legs out in front of her, she set him on her naked knees. She was still wearing pants, but not much of any. They were a pair of loose sleeping boxers adorned with colorful stripes. They would have been long enough to cover her knees if she hadn't shifted against the bed.

As soon as Hidan felt her skin against his own, his mind froze and his eyes began to travel up her knees and into the shadows of the boxer fabric's folds, but he quickly snapped them up to her own eyes before his eyes got any closer to the shadows.

"Nothing important." Sakura urged him to explain good naturedly.

"Aww come on, there isn't much that you could be thinking about that _isn't_ important."

"No really, it's not that big of a fucking deal." Hidan tried to brush her question off and raced through things to say since he knew she would persist.

"It is a big deal, I've given you three days to think about helping Konoha. If you're thinking about anything else, it must be just as important. What is it?"

"Fine, if you really think it's important… I was…thinking about thepatternsinyourcarpet." Sakura's brows rose at the unexpected response.

"What?...the patterns…in my carpet?"

"Yes" Hidan looked at her in earnest, hoping that she wouldn't catch on to his actual thoughts.

"Why?" Hidan mentally sighed, he hoped the conversation would just end there, but no…

"Because…it's…out-of-date. I was around fifty years ago. That's the same one my mother picked for our house." Sakura was flummoxed. This wasn't what she expected Hidan to be thinking about at all, let alone have any thoughts on what the latest styles in interior decorating were. _She_ didn't even know what those were. That's why she had Ino.

"Oh…ok."

"Yeah, you should change it sometime." This would have been the worst lie that Hidan had ever pulled out of his proverbial ass, but the fact that she believed it at all, well…that really boosted his confidence at least.

"Well…I don't know much about interior design…but if you like that sort of thing, I should take you to meet my friend Ino, maybe you can give each other pointers or something. That is…if you stick around Konoha long enough." Sakura really didn't know how to hold a conversation with Hidan at this point. _Do S-Class ninja seriously care about this sort of thing? __**Well, you've never met one before, so who knows? Maybe they have other hobbies, too?**_

Hidan on the other hand was having a silent panic attack. He cursed himself several times for his stupidity and during those thoughts of self-hatred the following thoughts also popped up a few times: _Sakura expects me to stick around Konoha? Sakura wants me to meet her friends? What kind of name is 'Ino'?_

"So…do like anything else? Have any hobbies?" Sakura's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Umm…Not… Really. My only purpose is to serve Jashin-Sama. I like to collect rosaries…for him?" The first part of his reply was automatic, the second part, he filled in, unsure of what she expected to hear.

"…rosaries? Oh, sounds nice." Sakura was feeling a little awkward. She knew she had to convince Hidan. She was hoping to sway him a little by finding out a little more about him and then using that knowledge against him. But knowing things like 'he likes to collect rosaries' was a little beyond her.

"What about you? Any hobbies?" Hidan voice sounded strange since he was trying to have a normal conversation like any two people have, but the situation between these two was anything but normal. He used to be shinobi but was now a disembodied head resting on the nearly naked legs of a pink haired kunoichi who was trying to get him to help her village. She was sitting with the head of an S-Class criminal on her legs talking about interior design.

"umm…well…I like to read. A lot. I like helping people…I'm almost always at the hospital since I'm a medic-nin…"

"That's great. You help people." Hidan gave a crooked smile. Sakura smiled back but brought her hand forward to fake a yawn.

"mmmm….I'm really tired…It's been a long day. We'll talk more tomorrow."

"Ok" Hidan felt relief wash over him in waves. She picked him up and set him in his little 'bed' on her dresser then headed back to her bed with a

"Goodnight"

"Yeah…goodnight"

Then the lights flicked off and all he could hear was Sakura's light breathing.

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**Things are about to get pretty fast, there will be more action and a lot of time-skipped sequences, and of course: HUMOR**

**have you noticed that I tend to include the dry, cryptic humor? I hate the cheesy, up-front, in-your-face, laugh-at-me-now-because-I'm-a-joke deals**

**anyways **

**QUESTION **: Does everyone seem in-character as older versions of themselves? I know I had problems last time, but I tried to fix it without breaking the flow.

Do some of the characters' thoughts and actions not match? Or maybe their thoughts not flow? If so, does this disturb the story?

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWs **please** D D much love**


	12. Chapter 12: Day 1

**Well, this is going well. I'm getting a lot more reviews and holy sh, there's at least 200 people who've read this story all the way through.**

**Wow. I've also noticed that this is the longest running HidaSaku Crack fic on just hope I don't loose readers with the combined efforts of my slower writing pace and the story itself.**

**Anyway, I think I forgot to mention this last time, but I don't own the characters, only this crazy plot **

**no questions this time, just please REVIEW! Tell me what you think! **

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_

_Day 1_

Sakura opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. _**Boy, this is going to be one, long, day. **__Only if he doesn't crack soon. __**Don't you mean, if **_**we**_** don't crack before him? **__Yeah…that conversation last night…not good. Hope that never happens again._

Sakura removed her covers as quietly as she could before casting a quick peek at Hidan and running out the door to the bathroom. After washing up, Sakura emerged from the bathroom and headed to down to the kitchen for breakfast. She stuck a frozen pastry in her toaster and walked around her kitchen aimlessly to get some morning exercise and cause her blood to start pumping. Once the now-cooked pastry popped up, she poured herself some orange juice, leaned on the counter and began munching.

_What am I going to do all day? I can't go to the hospital and work. I'm supposed to be 'convincing' Hidan to help us, but I already told him everything. This is like a three day grace period now, besides, how much more 'convincing' can I do?_

When Sakura finished her breakfast, she wiped the crumbs off the counter and trudged back upstairs to her room. Pushing the door open wider, as quietly as she could, she peeked over at Hidan again. He didn't stir, so she walked up next to him to stare down at his peaceful face. _Looks like he's still asleep…and aww…he's sooo cute,_ she thought before turning around to her closet and selecting a new outfit for the day.

Hidan's brow twitched as he slowly came into consciousness on account of the shuffling noises his temporary roommate was making. _Sakura? What are you…_

Hidan opened his eyes and his mind froze mid-thought. There, across the room, was Sakura with her back to him in nothing but her pink underwear. Hidan's face immediately colored a deep crimson. From the tips of his ears to the ends of his neck. Sure, he was a good-looking guy, he could've had women, but Jashin's edict was for all of his followers to stay away from the opposite sex, lest they become infatuated, lose control, and end up forgetting their real purpose in life. Although those rules applied to all Jashinists and it was difficult for them to follow it, he followed them quite easily by joining the ranks of a powerful organization made up of mostly men and one woman, all who wore huge cloaks that hid everything worthwhile. Well, there were those cloaks……. and the fact that Hidan was just naturally a pansy.

So when certain thoughts entered his mind, he didn't know what to do with them. But since he couldn't turn his head away, he watched Sakura bend over to slip on black pants then twist her arms into a loose shirt. As soon as Sakura's pink head popped out of the neck hole, she turned around and saw a horribly crimson head with eyes shut tight. Gasping, she ran to it,

"Hidan! Are you okay? Hey, wake up!" She lightly slapped his cheeks as he grudgingly opened his eyes.

"I'm…fuckin'….fine. I-I just had a damn nightmare…"

"Really? Are you sure you're okay? You're all red!" Sakura looked worried as she began checking the nodes under his jaw and placed a cool palm to his forhead. To her as a medic, the disembodied head turning red was an interesting phenomenon, she wasn't sure if he could get sick.

"…I…am?" Hidan hadn't realized that his face had changed colors. _Oh shit! Jashin-Sama! Make it go away!_

"Do you have a fever? Hold on, let me go get you a cold towel…" Sakura left the room and returned within seconds with a cold cloth and pressed it against his forehead.

"No really, I'm fine! I don't have a freakin fever!" Hidan yelled as he saw a thermometer come his way from who knows where.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Sakura waved a couple fingers in front of his face while one hand held the thermometer in Hidan's mouth.

"ngImmm zellinguu NO FEBERR!"

"Fingers!" Hidan's resistance finally deflated.

"zthreea" he grumbled as Sakura finally pulled the thermometer out and frowned at the perfectly normal numbers.

"See! I told you!"

"Hmph. Some nightmare that must have been. You looked like you were about to choke." Sakura lifted him out of his make-shift bed and set him on her side table, the wet cloth sliding off and landing on the floor in a sloppy heap. Hidan took a breath and decided to let the subject drop. He watched as she gathered some scrolls, brushes, and ink into a bag.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah. Library. I have nothing better to do all day so I'm just going to get a few books. Do you want to stay here? I'll be back soon besides, you need some more time to _think_." Hidan grimaced. He knew she was trying to get him to reconsider his decision. He didn't _need_ time to think, he'd already reconsidered. He just didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that yet, but the fact that she kept jibing him about it was getting annoying. He'd already decided that he'd rather be around to serve Jashin another day, and in one piece. He figured that Jashin would prefer that better over him lying around in pieces, doing nothing.

"_No._ Take me with you. I can't stay cooked up in here like I did all day yesterday."

"Alright, but you're going back in the bag." She said as she put him next to her scrolls in the bag.

"Can't have anybody freak out by seeing you, now can we?" Sakura patted his head through the bag.

"Yeah…what ever." Hidan grumbled as he felt the bag lift and settle itself on Sakura's back. It was the same bag that he was carried in the first time, he could tell by the way it smelled like paper and ink, the only difference was that it now rested comfortably in the curve of her back since she had adjusted the straps. Then, before he knew it, she was out the window.

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Sakura entered her corner of the library with a stack of books. She set those down on the table that was left empty just for her. Her little cubby was surrounded by tall bookshelves that hid her from other library goers and had wonderful little window that let in the sun. Taking a deep breath, she pulled a chair out and set her bag in her lap as she removed Hidan and set him on a corner of the table. Sakura didn't spare him another glance as she pulled one of the books from her stack and grabbed a scroll and pen before beginning her reading.

Fifteen minutes passed before Hidan broke the stifling silence by softly clearing his throat. Sakura shifted her eyes over at him from the text.

"Something wrong?"

"No."

"Okay" Sakura went back to reading. Hidan really didn't like being ignored but there wasn't much her could do to get her to notice him. All he wanted was a little attention.

"…So what are you reading?" he asked casually.

"A history of Konoha's alliances" she cast him a meaningful glance.

"…really? Find anything interesting?"

"well…if you help us, then you'll be the first singular enemy-ninja that we ever ally with."

"Hah, don't bet on it. I only work for Jashin-Sama." Hidan gave her a small grin.

"Oh, you will…." Sakura snickered and dove back into her reading.

"Seriously. How the hell do you plan on doing that?"

"Aww, don't you remember those lovely interrogation strategies I told you about?" Hidan simply snorted, but the truth was, he _did_ remember, and his head gave an involuntary shiver.

"I'll just yell to your Hokage to throw me in a ditch."

"Uh huh…" Sakura gave him a skeptical look before continuing her reading. For the next hour or so, the two exchanged pleasantries of a similar sort. With a bored sigh, Sakura shut her book and then got up to stretch her legs. Walking over to the window, she let sunlight hit her face. The gentle warmth eased her latest mental tensions, when Hidan's voice caused her to glance over at him.

"hmm?"

"I said, are you done yet?" Sakura shrugged her shoulders, not bothering with a verbalized reply.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

"Well, its better then being stuck in my house all day."

"Not really." Sakura raised a brow,

"Are you saying that you find it entertaining to read the patterns in my 'outdated' carpet?" _Oh shit…not this again…_Hidan thought.

"No! Wait…don't tell me you're mad about that? Shit. Uhh… I don't really know what I'm talking about…the carpet's really nice, so forget I ever said any of that…about the carpet…" Hidan tried to amend but stopped when Sakura stared at him in confusion.

"I was only teasing you…" She shrugged and sat back down, this time reaching for a different book.

"…" Hidan looked like he wanted to strangle himself. He wasn't very good at reading emotions other then fear, surprise, and hate. Sakura on the other hand was thinking about how he bumbled into an unneeded apology because he thought he'd offended her about her carpet being old_. He thought I was mad about the carpet? __**Aww…that's so sweet, nobody cares to apologize. **__Yeah…but why? __**Who knows how this guy thinks…**_

"Look, here's another book. Maybe you'd find it interesting?" She said holding up a book with a red cover. Hidan eyed it,

"_The Legend of Sleepy Hollow_??? WTF kind of story is that?" Sakura just grinned smugly as she opened it to the first page and set it up in front of him.

"Just read it, ok? I think you'll be able to relate to one of the characters rather well…" She patted his head and grabbed another book of her own from the stack. Hidan grumbled and silently refused to read it because he didn't like reading. The last time he'd read anything was when he memorized the jutsus for his curse. And that was a LONG time ago. Hidan refused to even look at the book that was conveniently positioned in front of his face. It took him about fifteen minutes before the boredom finally got to him and he started reading the first line. Then the next, and the one after. All the way until he reached the end of the first page. Without thinking, he asked Sakura turned the page, and she looked up with a satisfied smile on her face,

"So you like it then?"

"No. I'm bored, now turn the freaking page."

"Uh huh" She turned the page and he continued to read, but not before giving her a hard glare. After covering more pages, he confirmed what he thought was happening in the story,

"Sakura…this book is about a head-less man who kills people"

"Yup."

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE THIS TO ME!??!"

"Shhh! Hidan! We're in a library! Stop yelling before the librarian comes over!" Hidan shut his eyes and tried to calm himself, successfully doing so by muttering some more swear words under his breath.

"ok..ok…WHY the HELL did you give this to ME?"

"Hidannn…." Sakura growled as she looked over he shoulder to see if the offending librarian was making her way over to them.

"Just answer the fucking question. Seriously, what makes you think I'd want to read this?"

"Well…I figure since the guy in the story doesn't have a head, and you don't have a body, maybe you'd be able to make up for each other's loss. If not that, then at least you'd like reading about him." Sakura answered sincerely. Hidan looked at her incredulously, because really, what was her supposed to say to that? He didn't even know where to start a reply.

"How…the hell…did you figure _that_?" His voice was low and he was trying to comprehend just how her mind worked to come to that conclusion. Sakura simply shrugged her shoulders as she read whatever she was reading.

"I don't know. It's logical to assume that you might have felt better if you read about someone in a similar predicament…" _Similar…predicament???_, Hidan's eye formed a tick,

"I don't know if you haven't realized this yet, but he's a _Headless Body_, _I_ am a _bodiless head_. Dammit, its' not the same thing."

"Yeah…I guess…" Sakura replied noncommittally, "I mean, even without a head, his body alone can do a lot more than your's can."

"What?! There's no way this guy is better then me!" Hidan's pride had just been stabbed and he tried to defend it any way he could.

"Hidan, you haven't even read the entire story, you don't know what he can do."

"Fine! I'll read the fucking story then I'll show you, I'm damn well better!"

And so, Hidan set himself to reading the entire novel. And Sakura let him. They stayed in the library, quietly reading and Hidan pointing out how he compared whenever he read something about the headless horsemen. After using up most of the morning and a little of the afternoon, Hidan finished reading the book and Sakura completed her research.

"-so you see, I'm much better then that headless twit, even without my body. AND, my body is a lot better looking then his." Hidan finished his rant of self-justice as Sakura picked up her things to put back in her bag.

"Hidan, whatever you say, you'll have to prove it. I can't just take your word for it." She told him mildly.

"Then give me back my body and I will prove it! That fucking headless asshole is nothing but a load of bull!" Hidan was getting really frustrated with Sakura's refusal to believe him, he didn't even realize that she had all this planned out. The conversation was supposed to end up like this.

"You know that you're not getting your body back unless you agree to help us."

"Fi-Waaaittt….no. Hah! You thought you could trick me into agreeing, didn't you?"

"No, not really. Why would I try to trick you when you can easily be convinced?" Sakura had cleaned up and was now waiting for him to finish talking so that she could finally leave the library for lunch. Hidan scoffed.

"If this is your idea of easy convincing, I wonder how long it would take to convince someone who makes it hard." Sakura hadn't expected such a retort and had enough of him by now,

"Yeah, yeah…" and with that, she stuck him back in her bag and left for some ramen at Ichiraku's.

Once there, she met Konoha's number one knuckle-headed ninja. If he wasn't there all the time, Ichiraku's would never be the same. She smiled at him in response to his happy greeting. Taking a seat next to him, she placed her bag on the counter and ordered her lunch. The two made some general small talk and Hidan thankfully stayed quiet. As they got up to leave, Naruto finally asked about the her progress in her latest mission.

"So, has he said anything yet, Sakura-Chan?" Sakura frowned slightly, not liking her own progress, if it could be called that.

"No. He's being stubborn." She said a little forcefully as she poked her bag with a finger before dropping the strap over head and shoulder. Immediately, and indignant "Ouch!" was heard from the supposedly inanimate object. Teuchi, the owner of the ramen stand looked over for the source of the third voice, but seeing that it came from two of the stranger ninjas of the village, he let it go with a shrug. Heck, like he could ever figure out what was going on with Team Kakashi's members, anything weird to him was probably a normal affair for them.

"So what are you going to do now?" Naruto asked as the two walked to her house.

"Nothing. This is only the first day. We'll see how long his stubbornness can last."

"Like hell, I'll give in to anything you say." Came a muffled retort from her back.

"…" Sakura rolled her eyes and didn't bother to reply, instead, she just sent a glance at Naruto, as if to say 'see what I mean?'. Naruto nodded in understanding.

----------

They reached her house and bid farewell to one another for the day. Naruto said he had to go prepare for a simple mission tomorrow morning. One of those where he had to escort an important person. He assured her that Sai, Yamato, and him would be enough before telling her that Kakashi was coming back from his solo mission tomorrow as well.

"You know Sakura-Chan, when Kakashi Sensei comes back, you should ask him for some help with _that_. Maybe he can do some sort of hypnotizing jutsu or just scare the crap out of him with his Sharingan."

"Naruto…" she laughed as she shut her door and proceeded to her room, opting to skip dinner after such a late lunch. She was about to begin the same routine that she had established the night before, by simply turning Hidan to face the wall, but this time, Hidan was fully prepared, he wasn't about to succumb to the part of his brain that screamed 'Beautiful Naked girl right behind you' because, well, he'd already seen a little more then a shadow that morning. He figured that he could handle it.

But oh, how was he wrong. Her shadow only prompted him to _remember_ what he'd seen that morning, and his male mind only made certain images more _vivid_, so much so that his cheeks blushed once more and he forced himself to cough as soon as Sakura neared him after becoming fully clothed.

"Hidan! Are you sick again?!"

"N-No! I-I'm-cough cough- fine! I-cough- just choked on some air…heheh" He cleared his throat a few more times and assure her whole-heartedly, that apart from his lack of body, he was perfectly fine, couldn't be better.

After the episode, they had a bit of idle talk and Sakura once again, reminded him of how well he would benefit if he helped them. He schooled his face to be impassive and remained unmoved on his decision. He knew it wouldn't be that bad to help them out, if he did it so he could better follow Lord Jashin, but some things had to have priority over others. For one thing, he was a human being, not some god-like saint. For another, he was a shinobi and he had higher expectations of himself. He couldn't give in to her just yet. It was a matter of pride. A test of his skill to withhold.

Sakura continued to present innumerable logical arguments to counter his stupid resolve for the next hour or two until she finally gave up and decided to go to sleep. Hidan slept well that night with a smug smile dancing on his lips throughout his sleep. He felt that he had won this round of willpower.

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**ohohohhh**

**where will this story go?**

**Please Please please REVIEW**

**I'm telling you, I get motivated when I read reviews, I write faster and you get chapters sooner.**

Random Trivia: 'Creep Meters' are wires that measure the horizontal movement of the ground. Not how much of a creep someone is...which is what I thought at first


	13. Chapter 13: Day 2, Part 1

**I really wanted to turn in all of DAY 2 in one chapter, but seriously, it was getting too long**

**so be ready to read for a while since it took me a while to write**

**and then tell me how you like it by leaving a REVIEW! **...please?

I'd love to know what parts you like the most

(p.s. I drew a picturz, link is on my profile)

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**Morbid Curiosity Ch. 13**

_**Day 2, Part 1: Ideas Past, Present, and Future**_

The next morning, Hidan woke up first. He still had remnants of his dream running through his mind as he opened his mouth and let out a loud satisfied yawn. In fact, he was still dreaming. He imagined that he had his body back, and that he was the Headless Horseman, just not so headless anymore. He could see himself riding on his horse and dragging away the evil people in the world to their dooms.

He saw one of the men he'd killed years ago, cowering before his steed's kicking legs as Hidan licked the blood off his blade and then, with his horse, pranced into his ritual circle, grinning with glee at the prospect of removing such a loathsome creature from earth. Then, he raised his sword above himself and prepared for the pain that was to come. He was willing to suffer to rid the world of such a fowl thing. Gritting his teeth, he brought the blade down into his chest.

Nothing.

He stabbed himself again and looked down to see the expanse of glinting metal sticking out of his body but there was no pain. He couldn't feel anything. He tried to lift his arm again to pull the sword out of himself, but it didn't work. His arms wouldn't move. _He couldn't move_. His surroundings began to shift and the forest he was in faded into blackness. His brain vehemently sent signals to his muscles to move, but there was no response. Hidan opened his eyes in panic, and realized once again, that he did not have a body. The sensations he felt were only a dream. Immediately, his subconscious elation died down and he stared at the sleeping Sakura who was still a lump under her covers.

He didn't want to wake her up just yet, he was still wary of being around her at this time of day because of the weird events that had happened every morning ever since he'd been with her. The first morning, she had jumped out of bed wielding a kunai. Then the next morning, she stuck a thermometer down his throat and asked him what was wrong right _after_ she _undressed_ in front of him (but of course, _she_ didn't know she'd done that). This was the third morning he'd be waking up to her. He didn't really know what to expect. Whether it be an assault on his physical being (mainly his hair like the morning prior), or on his mental stability after seeing parts of a woman that he'd never seen before.

So yeah, he concluded that waking Sakura up right away was not a good idea. He opted for just lying there quietly until she woke up by herself. It's not like he had much of a choice to do otherwise, anyway.

Two hours later.

Sunlight filtered brightly through the window curtains and Sakura still did not wake up. Hidan heard her mumble something incoherent, shift under the covers to pull them tighter, then go still again. _Jashin! Is she dead? I'm not going to stay like this the whole damn day!_

"…Hiiiiddannn…." Sakura softly sighed from under the covers and Hidan instantly perked up upon hearing his name, thinking that she had finally woken up. After a moment, when she didn't say anything more, Hidan realized that she was still asleep. _What. Was. That?! Jashin-Sama! Who in their right mind talks in their sleep?_ Hidan glanced at the angle of sunlight and realized how quickly the time was passing._ Is this normal? She shouldn't be asleep this long. Shinobi always wake up with the sun, dammit._ He was about to call out to her and wake her up but was cut off by a loud knock at the front door. _Oh, thank you Jashin. You've sent somebody else to wake her up._ He heard another pair of knocks a little louder. Hidan realized that the door was probably locked so whoever was there probably wouldn't be able to come in to wake Sakura up unless Sakura was already awake to begin with, in which case she wouldn't need the person outside her door to wake her up. Yup. Hidan's logic was faultless. The person knocked a third time and then the knocking finally ceased. _Nooo! Now what am I going do?!_Hidan helplessly cried in his mind. If he could just somehow miraculously grow arms and legs from his little stub of a neck, that's all he'd need to let somebody in to wake up Sakura.

Fortunately, he was saved when Sakura's window clicked open and a figure slid in through the curtains. Hidan looked at the darkened figure to see just who his savior was, but couldn't because the person was still standing in front of the window with the sunlight behind him. Hidan furrowed his brow and squinted to get a better look, but to no avail.

The mysterious person who had their hands stuffed into their pockets tilted their head towards Sakura, then noticing her still form, emitted a long, low sigh along with a

"how troublesome…"

_Oh great. It's him again._ Hidan grimaced as Shikamaru moved out of the light and stepped by Sakura's bed. Shikamaru sent a languid glance all around the room and when he noticed the disembodied head on Sakura's dresser as it lay there and glared at him, Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow.

"So… this is where she keeps you?"

Hidan didn't bother with a reply. The answer was fairly obvious and he was sure that the shinobi just wanted to annoy him.

"You seem more comfortable here then at my place."

Again, Hidan refused to respond.

"Have you thought about any of the terms in the agreement?"

"I still have two days to decide. Until then, I'm not telling you a single, damn, thing." Hidan growled. For some reason, he was hoping it would be the Kyuubi-kid and not this guy. He thought that he'd dropped all animosity towards him, but when finally talking to him one-on-one, he was reminded of just how he ended up in this delicate situation.

"…" Shikamaru ignored the sudden animosity and looked at Sakura again "what's wrong with her?"

"She's asleep……..I wouldn't do that if I were you" Hidan's reply changed when he saw Shikamaru reach over to shake her shoulder. Shikamaru paused,

"Why?"

Hidan contemplated answering with the truth, that Sakura would probably try to stab the one closest to her with a kunai, and then decided against it. He'd like to see what happened. Mentally grinning,

"…actually, go ahead. Wake her up, it's about time…"

Shikamaru watched Hidan's face carefully, trying to find signs of what might happen, but Hidan kept his face placid, fighting the smile that was trying to take over. After a moment, Shikamaru directed his gaze back at Sakura and reached over to tap her shoulder.

"mmngh…" the lump under the covers shifted but she didn't wake up. Hidan's glee immediately faded. Why wasn't she jumping out of bed and stabbing the guy? Suddenly, he became concerned as he frowned at Shikamaru,

"she should be up already, dammit, see if she's sick" Hidan had no idea why he was suddenly so concerned for his proxy captor. Was it because he enjoyed being with her? The random things they talked about? The way she would look at him? A gaze not full of hate or disgust, but of good-natured curiosity. Or was it because of other things that he had missed over the last few years? The soft smiles and silly jibes that bordered on friendship. The infectious geniality that only content people had. **(A/N: Ok, so I don't like reading/writing stuff like this because it gets really cheesy, but its not all romantic…yet; but if you want cheesy, fluffy goodness while you wait for the next chapter, read my silly little DeiSaku :D)**

Hidan watched Shikamaru lean over to find her head amid the piles of blanket, as soon as he lifted a corner, Sakura wound herself tighter with another mindless mumble. Shikamaru sighed and removed his hand.

"What time did she go to sleep last night?"

"Why are you asking me? I don't know when she went to sleep."

"Because she's kept you with her constantly, you idiot."

"…She was in bed pretty early, I don't know when she actually fell asleep." Hidan didn't like cooperating with this guy, but he felt that he could give in a little, just for her.

"hmmm…well" Shikamaru rubbed his chin before reaching over to grab Sakura's blanket with both hands, "there's nothing wrong with her, she just went to sleep later then usual." And with that, Shikamaru ripped the blanket off the sleeping kunoichi.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Sakura's shrill shriek emanated through the house as she jumped up and blindly attacked Shikamaru with her pillow. Her eyes were still closed as she swung the pillow around with enough force to knock someone's head off. Shikamaru ducked and dodged each swing. Shouting at her to wake up. Hidan found this all very funny, although he was disappointed to see her use a pillow instead of a kunai this time. He laughed at Shikamaru who was barely able to save himself from getting knocked in the head, nevertheless Hidan kept his eyes wide open to watch her every move, in case she came after him in her blind fury for being awakened.

When she didn't open her eyes or stop her pillow barrage, Shikamaru took matters into his own hands by jumping to the ceiling and used his Shadow Possession jutsu to hold her still. That finally did it. Sakura couldn't move.

"…uhhh…" Sakura opened her eyes and stared down at herself in confusion. She was gripping her pillow with both hands. Her arms were positioned to land a chakra powered attack. Her legs were splayed so that she could get the best leverage to jump after an opponent. She was half on her bed and half on the floor (one leg up, one leg down). Slowly, she regained control of her limbs as Shikamaru cautiously let his jutsu go.

Bewildered, she furrowed her brow and stared up at him on her ceiling. Then she honed in on another noise and turned her gaze to the laughing head on her dresser. Looking back and forth between the two men and the pillow she held herself, all she could conclude was that she had just been in a pillow fight. A big one at that. But, no… wait… wasn't she sleeping? And what the heck was Shikamaru doing hanging on her ceiling?

"…uhh…g-guys…what's going on?" Sakura moved to sit down on the edge of her bed and placed her 'weapon' back where it belonged. With her hands empty, she simply let them sit loosely in her lap as she watched Shikamaru land in front of her. As he straightened up, he studied her confusedly as he scratched the back of his head, not sure of how to tell her what was going on. Because, well, _he_ didn't even know.

"so…you attacked me with a pillow while you slept?" The words sounded strange to Shikamaru since he never said things that he wasn't sure about. Nor did he ever use 'pillow' and 'attack' in the same sentence. Hidan snorted as he tried to speak while laughing..

"Sakura! Wh-What happened to the kunai you had last time?" He finally managed to subdue his raucous laughter enough to ask her. Shikamaru turned to him bemused before pulling out the kunai she kept under her pillow, out of his back pocket.

"You mean this? Yeah, I figured she shouldn't have it nearby when I woke her up." Sakura stared at the kunai in Shikamaru's hands. It was the one she normally kept under her pillow. She didn't want to think about what may have happened while she was semi-conscious, and judging by everyone else in the room, she figured it'd be better to believe that she had just woken up and Shikamaru had walked into her room, told a funny joke, then Hidan joined in, laughing.

"…Ookay…What are you doing here, Shikamaru?" Immediately, Shikamaru got back to business, pulling out a scroll and handing it to Sakura.

"The Hokage wanted me to give you her message."

"Ok…" Sakura unwrapped the simple, green scroll and read through it's contents before addressing Shikamaru again.

"I don't see why I have to go see her every day while we're simply waiting for the three days to be up. It's going to be a waste of time. She _does_ know that I've given him three days to decide, yes?"

"She probably does, Naruto stopped by yesterday saying something about a 'talking head'." Shikamaru shrugged and looked at her bored.

"Then why does she still want to see him everyday?"

"I don't think she wants to talk to him about _that_…it's probably something else." Sakura quirked and eyebrow just at what the second part of the statement meant. Shikamaru sighed,

"…she's a medic, he's a talking head that doesn't need to eat to be alive, haven't you ever wondered why that's possible?" Sakura flushed slightly in embarrassment because he was right. She _did_ wonder. He was a medical miracle. She always wanted to ask Hidan how that was possible. She wanted to study his neck. Trace the blood flow into his brain. Check for abnormalities other then his being alive. But she didn't. She was afraid that, while he didn't have his body, her curious prodding of whatever was left of him would be a taboo.

Hidan who was following along with the conversation listened eagerly for her answer.

"…yeah, I did…but why can't she wait until later?"

"I don't know, but I suggest you stop by sometime today. -sigh-…troublesome…I have to get back soon….she's having me do your paperwork again while she tries to make a drinkable blend of tea and sake." And before Sakura could give an apology, he slipped out her window and disappeared into the winding streets of Konoha. For a moment, Sakura watched her curtains whisper with his passing. Hidan gazed at her calmly. With Shikamaru, his hysterical amusement at her situation had also left.

Sighing, Sakura glanced at him and got up looking bedraggled. She let out a tired yawn and scratched her wild, pink hair and left for the bathroom, but not before grabbing her clothes for the day. Hidan watched her go with her clothes and heaved a sigh of relief, and was that…a little bit of…disappointment? **(A/N: Silly Hidan, I'm turning him into the epitome of your average, God-fearing, young man)**

Sakura returned soon enough and realized how late it actually was.

"Ohhh… I don't have time for breakfast...we're going to have leave right now."

"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you taking me today?" Hidan asked as she packed a bag and approached him.

"To see a friend" She replied distractedly as she stared at him carefully. She was too busy wondering about his 'medical miracle'-ness, for the last few days, she had managed to suppress those thoughts because she didn't want to offend him or anything like that, but now that Shikamaru had brought it up again, and Tsunade pondering the same thing, no less, Sakura couldn't help it anymore. Hidan was too puzzled by her vague reply to notice the way she looked at him.

"Sakura, I'm sure, that in this village of yours, you have A LOT of friends, so mind saying, who the hell it is this time?"

"My Sensei." Hidan didn't get a chance to ask who because she'd already put him in her bag and was out the window.

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"Sakura, you've been looking for this guy for the last hour. It's getting pretty nasty in here, let me out!" Came Hidan's muffled voice.

"No! I know we'll find him soon. Besides, that bag is clean, you're fine."

"It smells like freakin ink and soggy paper, I'm getting sick of it. And this pen is poking me in the wrong place!"

"You can't get sick, Hidan. Now be quiet before others hear you!"

"I still have a fuckin' nose! Ouch! Pen!" Sakura rolled her eyes and moved to the side of the street to fix him. While she resituated his head in the bag, she thought of all the places she had already checked. _I've already asked the guards at the gate. I've checked the Hokage's tower but he wasn't there…or at the Memorial Stone…__**Oh!**_ Sakura gasped at the pen she held.

"What?" Hidan asked, as he was still looking at her from within the bag. Sakura dropped the pen next to him again and slapped her forehead.

"How could I have been so stupid!?!" She didn't even hear Hidan complain loudly about the pen.

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Five minutes later, Sakura landed in front of a small, profusely decorated store that had a 'SALE!' sign in the window and a large, orange billboard above that displayed a pictures of men, women, and love hearts. Her eyes focused in on the lone figure leaning casually against the storefront with a book in front of his.

"Kakashi Sensei!" The silver-haired jounin looked up from his reading. His right eye crinkled in a smile as his pupil approached. He raised a hand in greeting.

"Sakura. What brings you here?"

"Naruto told me you'd be back today so I wanted to know how your mission went."

"It went fine. Although I guess I finished early because the Hokage told me to finish it last week. Is that all?" Sakura laughed. She and Tsunade had figured out how to make the perpetually late nin on time by telling him to do things, hours, days, even _weeks_ in advance.

"No. Have you heard about my latest mission?"

Kakashi shook his head,

"Nope, haven't reported to the Hokage, yet."

"Oh, well, there's someone I want you to meet. He's supposed to help us, but he refuses." Kakashi thought through all the village shinobi. He knew many that were stubborn and would throw a tantrum for whatever reason, but they would all still end up helping in the end. He didn't know anyone that utterly refused. Who could it be?

"Who?"

"Not here. Maybe somewhere more inconspicuous." She nodded up at the Icha Icha billboard with a disapproving grimace.

"Alright, lead the way." He said, noticing the oddly shaped bag that rested on Sakura's back.

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The two shinobi made their way to Team Seven's very first training area where they had passed the bell test all those years ago. Sakura walked to one of the wooden posts and leaned back against it to observe her Sensei.

"Are we going to wait for this person to come here?" Kakashi asked.

"It'd be good to make you wait, but no. He's already here." Kakashi's visible brow raised a little as he turned his head to glance at the surrounding trees. Sakura waited for him to finish before pulling the bag over head and removing a travel-worn Hidan setting him on top of the post. Kakashi's eye widened as stepped closer and bent down to peer at the head. Hidan scowled in response.

"What the hell are you looking at?!" Kakashi was unfazed by Hidan's anger as he directed his question at Sakura,

"So this is who you're trying to get to help? I remember him from the bingo books…Shikamaru took him down years ago."

"Yeah…" Sakura replied, she wasn't sure why she wanted Kakashi to meet the guy. He may not be able to help her with her mission since he wasn't the sort that dealt with people (and he was a really bad liar), but he had years of experience, so whatever he thought about the situation counted for something.

Kakashi lifted his headband to uncover his left eye and clasped his chin with one hand. A look of curious fascination on his face.

"Where's the rest of him?"

"Bastard." Hidan was not amused and his hair was in a disarray.

"…still on the Nara family's land." Sakura answered.

Hidan was staring intensely back, daring to meet Kakashi's Sharingan. Sakura wasn't worried. Kakashi was pulling it out to have fun with Hidan. Intimidate him on the first meeting. So she watched amused as the staring contest between the two, one glaring, one indifferent, drew out to a whopping one minute before Kakashi got bored and stood up and Hidan was left flabbergasted at his sudden departure. Leaning on an elbow on top of the next wooden post, Kakashi asked,

"So he's your mission?" Sakura nodded.

"I see…"

"I'm telling him that it's best if he agree to help us, but he's being stupid and stubborn…kind of like some people we all know…" She mumbled the last part under her breath, referring to her old team mates. Kakashi once again put his book in front of his face. Hidan looked between the two, unable make up his mind about what to think of the masked man. He had no idea why he was meeting the Copy-Nin. Nor, did he know that he was Sakura's Sensei. Sakura was, by far, one of the most…different…girls he'd come to meet, because seriously, who would have the guts to dig up a living corpse?. And Naruto, the Kyuubi-brat, he was an interesting case, too, from what little conversation he'd held with him. If you called him or his friends your enemy, he put you on his hit-list, but if you did anything less, he'd be willing to fight _for_ you . Sakura had told him a little about the others on her team as well, such as Sai and Yamato with their 'special issues'. Hidan assumed that all these unusual personal quirks simply ran in the team, their Sensei included.

"So…what did you do, yesterday?" Kakashi asked casually, his head inclined to the disembodied one. His question and his gesture were completely different therefore Sakura wasn't sure if he was asking her or Hidan. Hidan, was just as confused,

"Are you asking me?" Hidan asked incredulously.

"mhm" Kakashi shook his head and gave a friendly smile, which, to Hidan, only looked like Kakashi was squinting at him, since Kakashi had slipped his headband back in place.

"uh…well…nothing much..." Hidan was seriously caught off guard, he forgot to scatter his colorful curses among his replies. Sakura, though used to her Sensei's oddities, was unsure of what to make of this friendly acceptance.

"We…well, I took him to the library with me. And…yeah…we read…that's it."

"Ah, so you read. Do you have any specific literary genre?" Kakashi was still reading as he asked. Sakura decided that it'd be best for her to step back from this pseudo-initiation type conversation that Kakashi was having with Hidan. Hidan wanted to do the same thing, but since the conversation was directed at him, and because he didn't have the legs to step back with, he decided to just go with it, wherever it may lead.

"Uh…no, not much of a reader."

"Ah." Kakashi flipped a page in his book, "but have you read any of the Icha Icha series? They're classics."

"W-what?! That's freakin' nasty. Nobody but a perv would read that shit!" Hidan may not have ever read those books, but they HAD made a reputation for themselves, and it was a reputation that Hidan did not like. Sure, he understood that men and women needed each other and there could be attraction (Heck, he had a problem keeping his attraction at bay), but whatever these attracted couples felt for each other and what they did was not something that others needed to know or read about, however _fictional_ the couples may be. In Hidan's opinion, if some guy was really desperate for that sort of thing, he should just and find himself a nice girl to settle down with and create his own story not read about another's. That was a waste of time and Jashin-Sama did not condone it.

Kakashi was unfazed by Hidan's sudden anger, in fact, he gestured to Sakura to come nearer so he could tell her something. They began a whispered conversation behind Kakashi's book so Hidan couldn't make out any of what they were saying, however, some things that her Sensei said must have surprised Sakura because her eyes changed sizes dramatically from widening to her eyebrows to narrowing into slits.

Conversation behind the book:

"Well, Sakura, he is a man with some sort of morals that he follows, even if they are crazy enough to make him say that _this_ (pointing to book) is bad. I don't know what he's thinking, but _this_ is _real_ literature." Sakura rolled her eyes at her teacher and chose to ignore the latter statement,

"So what does him having morals have to do?"

"Those morals are like our nindos (Ninja way), it's the way he lives and thinks. If you want to convince him to help us, you have to know _why_ he disagrees. In most cases, people don't do certain things because their morals are stopping them. Do you have any idea what those could be?" Kakashi's tone was mildly serious and he really was trying to help his student out.

"Oh, that's easy, he says he follows his _Jashin-Sama's_ rules."

"Oh, good. Do you know what those are?"

"….no. He won't tell me."

"…why?" Well, that was rather unusual, Kakashi though that most religious zealots would brag to everyone about their religion to gain followers.

"He say's he won't tell me because I don't trust him right now because he doesn't have his body, but then I can't trust him until he proves that he won't hurt Konoha, and he can't prove that until he agrees to help us which he won't. You see?! There's no end!"

Indeed, that was a problem. It seems that one of the two cynics would simply have to give in so the other could come to terms. Unfortunately, neither was willing to do that. Kakashi's eye drifted away from Sakura's face as he thought about the problem. A moment later, his eye settled back onto the open page of the Icha Icha book. Kakashi had an idea.

"…Hmm…I guess that just leads us back to my very first statement. Just forget the second part and focus on the first." His eye crinkled in a small smile.

"What?..." Sakura gave him a confused look as she mentally ran through the entire conversation in her head. _The first statement?...minus the …second part?_

"…'he is a man'?" She asked uncertain as to what he was getting at.

"mhm. So treat him like one. And don't forget that you're a kunoichi as well." Then the idea hit home and Sakura's eyes widened before they narrowed as her voice came out in a low growl,

"Are you suggesting that I-I _seduce_ him?!"

Kakashi backed away grinning as he put the book in his hand back into his pouch to pull out red book whose title read _Icha Icha Make-Out Tactics._

"If you don't know how, maybe you want to borrow this?"

Sakura's brow twitched and before she knew it, she shot forward with a fist raised yelling,

"SENSEI! I k33L j00!" **(A/N: Lol, sorry, I just felt like putting that in XP, it says "I'LL KILL YOU!")**

"Maybe another time!" and with those words and a parting wave, her Sensei poofed out of the training area and Sakura's punch landed on the wooden post he'd been leaning on. The impact caused the post to burst into splinters that rained down around the still fuming Sakura. Hidan watched awed at the terrifying site. His brain was tingling from all the effort it put into trying to get Hidan to move away from the girl to a safer place, unfortunately, it had forgotten that the rest of his body that was responsible for getting him out of tight situations like these, wasn't attached.

Hidan's brain continued to spark as he watched the pink haired kunoichi calm down. She stopped breathing through her mouth. She slowly straightened up and patted her hair even though it needed no patting. Smoothed down her shirt, and taking a deep breath, turned to look at Hidan. Hidan stopped breathing.

He hadn't heard any of the conversation. He had no idea why Sakura suddenly flipped out. All he knew was that she was now looking at _him_. She was now walking towards _him. Oh, shit, Jashin-Sama…I'll go to Hell, I'll do whatever, just smite me now! I'll-_

Hidan didn't get to complete his thought because Sakura spoke,

"So, how did you like Kakashi Sensei?" her voice was calm, almost pleasant. Her quick metamorphosis in demeanor shocked Hidan so much that he almost forgot to answer her question. _Get a hold of yourself! Look! She's calm isn't she?!_ Hidan mentally kicked himself, _yeah, but what the hell do I do if she snaps again?_

"uh…he w-was nice…yeah, nice"

"Really? You two barely spoke." Sakura's brow furrowed slightly.

"No-No…I…really got to know him! I'm good at reading people and stuff…" Hidan noticed the slight change in her face and tried to keep it from happening again by telling her only positive things. Sakura looked at him funny. She obviously didn't believe him, but she let it go anyway because she figured that he was a little terrified of her after seeing the fit a few moments ago.

"Okayy… I'd like to go see the Hokage sometime later today, but do you want to stay out here longer? You said the bag was stuffy…"

"Oh, no, heh, I got plenty of fresh air out here! You can put me in the bag and we can go right now!" Hidan preferred to hide in his bag rather then have to talk to the now spontaneously combustible kunoichi.

"Alright…" Sakura nodded and reached forward to pick him up. As her hands came forward, Hidan sweated so much that his forehead glistened, her hands paused and she made a face,

"Eww…you're all sweaty, Hidan. Is it too hot for you out here?"

"Uhh…yeah. Very hot. I'm burning up."

"Yeah, hold on then, I'm not touching you like that…" Sakura turned around to grab a small hand towel from her bag and then she proceeded to wad it up and pat it against Hidan's face and neck. To Hidan, she was surprisingly gentle. Too bad he had his eyes closed when her face was so close to his, otherwise he would have seen it in her eyes that she was feeling absolutely fine; she wouldn't have hurt him.

"There, that should do." She said, putting the towel back in her bag. Then she came back and picked him up with her hands. As she lifted him carefully, Hidan could feel her hands under his jaw and behind his neck. They were soft. They were cool. They were dry. And, they gripped him securely. The tension in his neck eased away as he told himself over and over that he was okay and nothing would happen to him. Sakura was fine. She wasn't mad at him.

Then, she positioned him in her bag and he felt her fingers poke around the sides of his head. When she removed them, they brushed across his cheeks and her thumb swished below his lip. There was no ill intent in her handling of him.

"Nothing's poking you, right? All comfy?" She asked, her eyes showed her sincerity. Hidan finally calmed down. The edge that he'd taken faded away. _I'll be alive for a long time…as long as I don't make her angry if I can't run away._

"…yeah…" He gave a half-hearted smile to reassure her. She smiled back before flipping over the cover and leaving the training area with him securely placed in the bag.

* * *

**so, you like? Wondering what Sakura was dreaming of? What she's thinking of doing next? **

**if you have any specualtions, feel free to tell me :) I wonder how many can guess right**

**This chapter was 19 pages in MS and had more than 5300 words. Took me FOUR days to write...HOMG**

**I know a lot of you want more of Sakura's thoughts but those will come in the next chapter. I'm REALLY looking forward to writing THOSE -grins-**


	14. PREVIEW: Kunoichi's Guide to Seduction

**Chapter 14 Preview**

**Since** I haven't updated in about **4 days** and I'm **not finished** with **Chapter 14** of Morbid Curiosity because I want it to be good

I've decided to upload a small section of it which shouldn't spoil anything too much

**I hope you all find it funny and don't take it too seriously**

and I don't own any of the characters, only the plot, or in this case, the 'guidelines'

BTW I still like seeing reveiws! Review! REVIEW! REVIEW!

**

* * *

**

**How the hell am I supposed to _seduce_ him!**

_Think back! What have I been taught?_

---------------The following is the pamphlet that Sakura was forced to memorize (unlike Ino to whom this came naturally to)---------------------

**The Kunoichi's Guide to Seduction **

_**When seducing the enemy is the way to success**_

**Now with tips from the first female Hokage, Godaime Tsunade!**

The First Level of seduction is to play with words, or to **Flirt**. Flirting with a man can cause him to do one of a number of things that can lead to YOUR mission's success:

1) He gets flustered and then slips up some information or agrees to anything

2) He flirts right back (this is usually fun if the enemy is cute) and plays hard to get

3) He gets suspicious and things go downhill from there (means the Seduction plan was a failure, time for a full-out attack)

**Tsunade Says: Don't say anything suggestive yet, he may be a pervert who just wants to write a dirty book and you're his inspiration. He'll end up taking this the wrong way and stalk you.**

If 1 or 2 happen but are taking too long, then the kunoichi must move on to Level Two, use **emphasized body language**: Pouted lips, sultry glances, bared shoulders, light caresses on sensitive skin, gentle nudges on the arm or shoulder, casual pats on the back, closer quarters, swivel of hips, tilt of the head….yes, the list is endless as long as it doesn't cross the line into level three. Level two is used to do any combination of the following:

1) Build up a sense of trust so that the enemy reveals information

2) Play innocent so that enemy lets his guard down and leaks information

3) Make another part of his body, other then his brain, do the thinking. This can either make him let his guard down or get flustered enough to reveal information.

**Tsunade Says: Big Boobs are a huge advantage! If you have 'em, use 'em!**

Level Three is your last resort. It consists of drugging the enemy's drink or inconspicuously spraying aphrodisiac into the atmosphere while using a combination of **Highly Suggestive Words and Actions** that lead to the Kunoichi and the enemy to become isolated together. This can have various results that the kunoichi can take advantage of:

1) When finally alone and together, the kunoichi can pull a fast one and lay a blade to his throat to make demands.

2) Have a wild make out session with the enemy and fluster him enough to reveal information.

3) Hypnotize him

4) Make demands by holding _certain_ _favors_ over him. Ask your instructors for details.

**Tsunade Says: Use plenty of secret jutsus and protect yourself but try not to take it that far. If you feel that you won't get information out of the him during any of the levels, leave immediately.**

The makers of this brochure hope that you find these guidelines helpful in making your next mission A SUCCESS!

**Tsunade Says: I will never assign missions that require the use of this knowledge, the council members require that all Kunoichi have read and understood this part of their 'work ethic'. I'll bet you anything that those old geezers just wish they were your enemy. Stupid Perverts.**

**----------------------**Sakura just adored how the last 'Tsunade Says' section was messily scribbled in by hand since the elders wouldn't let _that_ get printed-----------------

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**Sakura's Dream:** I know you're all wondering what the hell she dreamed about and how Hidan was involved in it but I'm sad to say that I won't include it in the next chapter or in this story. I do have an idea for it, but I'm going to post it as a one-shot sometime soon. Sound good? 

Please PLease give me reveiws, I don't care if its positive, negative, or just some sort of statement, just tell me SOMETHING! IT really REALLY helps :D


	15. Chapter 14: Seduction?

-tear- -cry-

I'm sorry I haven't updated in sooo long :( but I get busy with school and not to mention, I get severe bouts of writer's block...I think it's some sort of condition that I have to get checked out

This chapter was supposed to be longer and have other things in it, but I got tired of holding it back from you guys...I guess those things will just have to wait

as always, I don't own the characters, only the plot

**Please leave a review :)**

**they urge me to write more **

* * *

**Morbid Curiosity Chapter 14**

**Seduction? **

During her walk back to the village, Sakura was constantly trying to make up her mind. She didn't know what to do or what there was left for her to do.

If she nicely asked Hidan why he wasn't agreeing, he would just give her that stupid cryptic answer of his: "you don't trust me, you can't understand."

She absolutely hated Kakashi's idea so she was thinking hard and trying to come up with a better solution, unfortunately, Kakashi was right. There were no other solutions to this problem but his.

To Sakura, it was unethical to seduce others. Even though she was willing to do it for missions, it was only because it was her duty to help the mission become a success. If she must flirt with the enemy to pry information out of him, so be it, but this…this was another matter. She didn't know why, but it had somehow gotten more personal.

Hidan wasn't her enemy. In fact, he was a possible ally. But that wasn't the only reason it felt wrong. To her , he was a little more than that. He was funny, sarcastic, sane (as far as she could tell, she'd met people crazier then him), mysterious, and simply put, an interesting person to be around (or carry around). His constant presence in her life for the last few days was almost as if she had a friend over. She couldn't compare him to Naruto or Shikamaru or any of the others. He was too different from them, and not just because he was a disembodied head.

He had a different past. He had lead a different life. And she badly wanted to know more about him. She wanted to know his secrets. She wanted to know how it was possible for him to be alive.

But that was all a different matter because, for now, all Sakura had to do was convince him by seducing him.

That's where the problem lay.

**How the hell am I supposed to **_**seduce**_** him!**

_Think back! What have I been taught?_

* * *

The following is the pamphlet that Sakura was forced to memorize (unlike Ino to whom this came naturally to)

**The Kunoichi's Guide to Seduction **

_**When seducing the enemy is the way to success**_

**Now with tips from the first female Hokage, Godaime Tsunade!**

The First Level of seduction is to play with words, or to **Flirt**. Flirting with a man can cause him to do one of a number of things that can lead to YOUR mission's success:

He gets flustered and then slips up some information or agrees to anything

He flirts right back (this is usually fun if the enemy is cute) and plays hard to get

He gets suspicious and things go downhill from there (means the Seduction plan was a failure, time for a full-out attack)

**Tsunade Says: Don't say anything suggestive yet, he may be a pervert who wants to write a dirty book and you're his inspiration. He'll end up taking this the wrong way and stalk you.**

If 1 or 2 happen but are taking too long, then the kunoichi must move on to Level Two, use **emphasized body language**: Pouted lips, sultry glances, bared shoulders, light caresses on sensitive skin, gentle nudges on the arm or shoulder, casual pats on the back, closer quarters, swivel of hips, tilt of the head….yes, the list is endless as long as it doesn't cross the line into level three. Level two is used to do any combination of the following:

Build up a sense of trust so that the enemy reveals information

Play innocent so that enemy lets his guard down and leaks information

Make another part of his body, other then his brain, do the thinking. This can either make him let his guard down or get flustered enough to reveal information.

**Tsunade Says: Big Boobs are a huge advantage! If you have 'em, use 'em!**

Level Three is your last resort. It consists of drugging the enemy's drink or inconspicuously spraying aphrodisiac into the atmosphere while using a combination of **Highly Suggestive Words and Actions** that lead to the Kunoichi and the enemy to become isolated together. This can have various results that the kunoichi can take advantage of:

When finally alone and together, the kunoichi can pull a fast one and lay a blade to his throat to make demands.

Have a wild make out session with the enemy and fluster him enough to reveal information.

Hypnotize him

Make demands by holding _certain_ _favors_ over him. Ask your instructors for details.

**Tsunade Says: Use plenty of secret jutsus and protect yourself but try not to take it that far. If you feel that you won't get information out of the him at during any of the levels, leave immediately.**

The makers of this brochure hope that you find these guidelines helpful in making your next mission A SUCCESS!

**Tsunade Says: I will never assign missions that require the use of this knowledge, the council members require that all Kunoichi have read and understood this part of their 'work ethic'. I'll bet you anything that those old geezers just wish they were your enemy. Stupid Perverts.**

Sakura just adored how the last 'Tsunade Says' section was messily scribbled in by hand since the elders wouldn't let _that_ get printed

* * *

Great. Sakura knew what she had to do. Now, she just didn't know _how_ to do it. She could just follow the 'Kunoichi's Guidelines to Seduction Success' but the problem was that they only worked when the enemy or target was _whole_. Kunoichi know that a man's mind is strong, but his urges are stronger, and it was those _urges_ that seduction depended on. **(A/N: coughSexcoughDrivecough)**

**How the hell is he supposed to get 'urges' if he doesn't even have the glands that supply them?**

_I have no idea, but hey, if he's ALIVE as only a HEAD, who needs hormones._

**Eww.**

_Stop thinking so hard and just go do it the best you can._

**Come to think of it, I don't think I want to talk to Tsunade Shisou anymore.**

_Yeah…who knows what she'll say._

**If she found out that I've sunk this low, I'd never hear the end of it.**

Sakura was in the middle of her village's main street and the Hokage's Tower was right in front of her. She stopped walking and moved to the side of the street to give the tower a sigh. Then she looked down at the bag that hung behind her hip. The thought of having to flirt with Hidan caused a blush to rise on her face and she scooted into a corner of the nearest stall to hide her face from the passing citizens.

_Oh! Gosh…I can't believe I'm going to have to flirt with Hidan! I mean, I don't even look at him as an enemy! What's going to happen afterwards if this is successful?_

**It's just not right. He'll never trust you again.**

_But this is _Hidan_ we're talking about. He'll get over it…right?_

**You barely know him, you don't know how he'll take it…Whatever…we'll just see what happens next. We don't have a choice.**

_Urgh! Stop thinking so much and do your mission!_

**Right! I'm a kunoichi!**

And with that thought running through her mind, she forced her blush off of her face. She stepped out of her corner and looked at the stall she had ended up at. In her hurry to hide her blush from the public eye, she had unwittingly stepped into

**What the??? Is this…NO WAYYY**

Sakura's eyes widened in disgusted bewilderment as her eyes scanned the shelves and the little knick-knacks that hung from the ceiling. She really couldn't believe her luck. Of all the places she had to go blushing into, she had to pick this.

A romance shop.

Full of trinkets and presents and chocolates and other stuff that people who are madly in love, give to each other.

"Ah! So the lady is looking for a present for her lover?" , as if out of thin air, a salesman suddenly appeared behind her shoulder. Sakura whirled around to face him. She didn't even hear him coming.

**How did he **_**do**_** that?!!**

Sakura began to stutter something along the lines of 'No' with some excuse piled on but the man exhumed contentedly,

"You are?! Then we have something grand in the back! For special customers only! Come! Follow me!" The man was practically an ape. He had a belly, he was balding with the worst comb-over in the world, and to top it off, he had a gigantic moustache that which combined with his heavy accent, made it hard to understand what he was saying. Sakura could only watch in badly hidden horror as the man grabbed a hold of her arm and nearly dragged her to the another section of the small store.

"We have the b'erfect presents for your husband! Boyfriend! Lover! Or the one you secretly admire! You have one, yes?" Sakura was too busy trying to stand up straight and too shocked by the question to give a proper reply, but even then, the man cut her off and shooed her to a shelf lined with colorful bottles.

"These," he picked a lavishly decorated red bottle from the rest and his voice became a lot more hush-hush then before, "are special scents. B'erfumes, you people call them, but they are much more alluring then any common b'erfume." He rubbed a finger lovingly over the bottle's filigree, "Whoever you desire, will come to you, become infatuated with you.-"

Sakura finally managed to come to her senses and cut him off,

"B-But sir, I don't need any of that-" The man's boisterous voice took over once more,

"Oh! So you already have him wrapped around you finger? Then maybe you will find these…" the man turned to a shelf behind him and scooped up a handful of shiny-wrapped candies "to be more helpful? The two of you can eat these together and you will have spent the most wonnderrrful times in each other's company!"

Every time she protested, he cut her off and went on about another product.

Sakura really didn't know how to handle this man. He was dragging her from shelf to shelf and she couldn't stop him without flinging him around and destroying half his store as well. When he started hinting at the intimates section and held a rather lacy piece of fabric in front of her, Sakura's eye twitched.

**That's it! I can't take it anymore!**

_Just buy something and get out of here!_

"SIR! I'll buy a few of those!" Sakura cut him off in the middle of his vehement product description of the lacy pieces and pointed her finger to a random shelf. The man's face lit up as he went over and picked out a couple of the candies that he'd shown her earlier,

"Ah! You like?! You buy two, I give you two free! Yes?"

"Yes, yes, I'll take them!" Sakura very much didn't care anymore, she just wanted to get out. She was acutely aware that Hidan was probably listening to everything right now. Every single product description. Even the last one. The thought caused a blush to rise to her face again, and unfortunately, the man took this the wrong way.

"Oh! Perhaps you need a confident boost! Tell you what, I give you 50 b'ercent discount on the lovely b'erfumes, yes? You buy?"

"Yes! Yes! I'll take it!" Sakura nodded her head as she desperately attempted to strangle herself from the inside. The man grabbed a bottle of perfume from the first shelf.

"Anything else for you or your love? We have-"

"No! Nothing else! My _love_ and I will be fine with just these! How much?!"

"Ah, ok…let's see…" As the man proceeded to the register and rung up the items, she breathed a sigh of relief. A moment later she paid him and he handed her a neatly wrapped bundle of pink and red.

"I hope you two enjoy! Come again!"

Sakura left the store without looking back, lest he pull her in again. After a couple minutes of walking, she realized that she was carrying a rather 'amorous' looking package in her hands in a the middle of a public street. It was red and pink after all. And tied with a golden ribbon. Instinctively, she tried to hide it by holding it closer to her, but that only made it look more conspicuous.

So, she moved to the side of the street again, this time checking to see if the store she was in front of was the sort to run away from.

_Oh good. A deli._

Then she shifted her bag and balanced it on her knee. Flipping it open, the bag revealed a rather tired looking Hidan. Or maybe that was just the light because he had enough energy to see her face and start laughing before Sakura covered his mouth and hissed at him.

"Shut up! We're not home yet!" Sakura lifted her hand when he didn't sound like he was laughing any longer.

"Oh, Jashin! What the hell was that guy trying to sell to you? Something for your _lover_ mmmph!"

"Yeah, this! I told you to shut up!" Sakura had stuffed the wrapped package into the bag, making sure to shove it into Hidan's face. Quickly glancing around to see if any of the deli-goers had heard the obnoxious male voice emitted from her bag, she left the scene and decided that enough was enough, no more walking like the normal villagers. Sakura jumped onto the nearest roof and began her building-hopping.

-----------

When Hidan felt the sweetly fragranced package lifted from his face, he saw a pair of viridian eyes hiding _some_ sort of emotion. He just couldn't fathom what it was. Whatever Sakura was thinking of wasn't happy, but it wasn't anger either. It seemed to him that she was slightly confused.

Sakura was hiding all of her emotions (and not very well) because, she didn't know exactly _how_ to feel at this point. All her thoughts and feelings were fighting for dominance over her features.

Anger at Kakashi for suggesting this plan of action.

Frustration at Hidan for being so foolishly stubborn that such action was needed.

Annoyance at herself for not realizing that something like this would happen sooner or later.

Bewilderment at what to do next and how to go about the plan.

And finally, just a little bit of excitement and glee at the prospect of flirting. But of course, that was only Inner Sakura.

Sakura was about to heave out a sigh but she quickly covered it with a small smile in response to the angry stare Hidan was giving her.

"What the hell was that for?! You didn't have to do that! I swear to Jashin! If you ever stuff anything in my face like that again I'll freakin' rip it to shreds with my teeth! I'll-"

"Hidan!" Sakura's sharp reply startled him into silence. He still remembered her little tantrum with Kakashi. Hidan's angry comments made her decision for her. Sakura had to do something or carrying him around any longer would become more of an annoyance than it already was. And with him being so mad half the time, her patience was beginning to ebb. Soon, she might just loose it all and Hidan may only have a head-less body left. But no good would come out of it for Konoha. All her efforts would be wasted. No. That would not do at all.

_For Konoha_

"Hidan. I'm going to ask you once more, and I'm going to ask you nicely: Will you, or will you not, accept the terms that Konoha has set forth for you?" It was so prim, proper, and haughty. The tone of voice that Sakura had taken with him annoyed him to no end. Nobody spoke to Jashin's messenger like that. It didn't matter anymore if she would get angry with him. He didn't care. Heck, he'd survive it all. He was immortal. Therefore, he did what no mortal (or sane) man would ever do. He defied Sakura's last request and he defied it in an unusually arrogant and polite manner to counter her own.

"No. I will not accept."

He patiently awaited the storm that would now come. He was a man. He was a servant of Jashin! He didn't even flinch this time when Sakura's hands shot into the bag and lifted him out.

Unfortunately, he did flinch, just a little, when nothing happened and the pink haired kunoichi simply stared back at him through hard eyes. After a long moment of pregnant silence, her gaze lightened and she gave him a nonchalant, one worded reply.

"Fine." It sounded almost childish. And perhaps it was. It almost reminded Hidan of when a child accepts his/her punishment for the day, only to commit the same misdeed the day after. Maybe she had begun a little game.

"Good." Hidan adopted her uncaring demeanor.

"So be it. I'm just glad that you're being so polite today, Hidan-kun." Sakura gave him a small smile and her voice had turned hideously innocent. Oh, and she had added that infernal suffix to his name, too.

"Oh, and why is that, Sakura-_Chan_?" the stark politeness he used was bitingly sarcastic. Especially when he emphasized the suffix for her name.

She didn't react to the new addition to her name as far as he could see, but inwardly, she grimaced. It just sounded so …_weird_ coming from him.

"Because…" She brought him closer to her face. So close in fact, that he could easily count her delicately curling eyelashes. "today…you're at my mercy."

Hidan gave an undaunted snort. Sakura's eyes widened a fraction because this wasn't how he was supposed to react.

"I've been _at your mercy_ for the last few days and as far as I can see, there's not much to fear."

Sakura forced herself to swallow her own snide remark about how he had only seen the tip of the iceberg. But she couldn't blow her cover. Giving in to him with a tired sigh, she tried to sound demure as she brought him down and tucked him into one of her arms,

"…I guess you're right…I can't really hurt you….but still, it couldn't hurt to try to scare you, right?" Sakura walked over and sat on the couch in the middle of her living room.

"There's not much that scares an immortal man." Hidan deadpanned. Sakura smirked as she sat and held him before her once more.

"Yeah, I agree with you there Hidan-kun, you were more than just _scared_ this morning."

Hidan furrowed his brows but kept his expression blank while inwardly, he was panicking that she knew that he _had_ been just a tiny bit frightened of her and her anger. _Shit! Jashin-Sama! What do I do? What the hell do I tell her?!_ Hidan gave a very manly snort of indignation,

"No, I wasn't scared. I was just surprised." _Just great. I'm a fuckin' Immortal out to stop all heathens. I'm one of Jashin's gifted messengers. People fear me. I'm the last thing they remember before they die.… and I'm scared of a girl. 'I was surprised'? Couldn't I think of a better excuse? Great. There goes the last of my dignity._

"Surprise by _what_, Hidan-kun?"

_NO! I'm not scared of her!_ Hidan vehemently told himself. He was in denial all right.

"Your Sensei!" he blurted. Sakura quirked an eyebrow, her voice came lathered in disbelief.

"My…Sensei?...you were surprised by my Sensei?"

"Yeah, your Sensei…he…uh…I was just shocked that he read those stupid Icha Icha books." Hidan preferred to not stare directly into her eyes as he told lies. It was too easy to stumble in those intense emeralds. Instead, he focused on her other facial features. He didn't want to look at her face as he told her all the B.S, but if he looked away and spoke to her, he was afraid she would either get angry at the disrespect the disembodied head was showing her, or she would catch on to his lies. But seriously, who was he kidding?

"I can't believe that your Sensei…he's the guy the that taught you how to be a shinobi, right? _(of course, you idiot, that's what 'Sensei' means)_ No wonder you're so screwed up-No! I mean, you know what I mean, right? Seriously, what kind of girl thinks about digging up graves….." Hidan's gaze flickered her lips. They weren't very emotive but depending on what he said, they would move. They didn't keep still the way her eyes did, which was quite unnerving by the way. If she was slightly amused as she listened, they would lift up a little in one corner. If she was listening intently and something perturbed her, they would round together into a very slight pout.

"…anyway…I was only surprised because your teacher was a freakin' pervert. I wasn't scared." Hidan ended his round of bullshitting and he finally allowed himself to look back at her …were they _amused_?... eyes, in earnest seriousness.

**He was staring at our lips like he was going to eat them!**

_Why are you so pleased? I thought you didn't want to do this?_

**I'm pleased because this is working…**

_Tch. I thought he'd be a little more coherent then that._

**Whatever. Just let it go.**

And so, Sakura moved on to a new subject of discussion and let Hidan hold on the last few shreds of his pride and manliness. Giving him a small smile,

"…okay, Hidan-kun. I understand. I'm just glad you're not afraid of me, 'cuz that would be very silly of you. You haven't even seen what I can do." She said off-handedly. Hidan's eyes widened just a fraction before he collected himself.

"Even if I _did_ know, it doesn't matter. I'm immortal, what do I have to be afraid of?" He said, haughtily. Sakura tilted her head childishly and grinned,

"Yeah, you're right." At her comment, Hidan seemed to outwardly calm down and a smug look settled on his features. He didn't have to say it because his face said it all for him "Yeah, I know I'm right."

Sakura let a small giggle slip out as she watched his face before placing him in her lap and facing him forward at the empty wall and television set. Then she leaned over and grabbed the remote from the side table and pressed a button. The television flickered to life with a dull noise before the sound of violins took over and the image of a man and woman embracing formed on the screen.

Hidan looked at the screen confused. What had just happened? He had been facing a giggling Sakura at about arms length and now he was in her lap, with a fairly _intimate_ picture before him. Sakura hmmed and stared at the screen a few seconds longer before flipping to the next channel. A bunch of penguins dived into artic waters.

"uhh…" Hidan was about to ask what she was doing, but she changed channels again. This time she rapidly flipped through countless channels, pausing only long enough to see what was playing, on some that held her interest she paused a little longer but went to the next a few seconds later.

"There really isn't anything I can do right now…so this is just one of those 'relaxation' times that I rarely get…" Sakura answered his unsaid question.

"So this is how you relax?" Hidan asked slightly incredulous because to him, his idea of relaxation was sitting around counting on his rosary. Or taking a shower. Yeah, being clean always felt good.

Sakura shrugged, her other arm fell into her lap right next to Hidan. Her eyes remained glued to a scene from some angsty teen drama where a hot guy whispered frantically to an innocent looking girl. Then she realized that Hidan probably hadn't seen her shrug so she voiced it for him.

"Pretty much. Yeah. Hey, you know, it's funny, but… I only have this free time because of you….heh…"Her hand moved closer to him and she brushed her fingers against his hair. Immediately, Hidan's attention from the screen shifted. All five of his senses were focusing on where Sakura's fingers were as she continued, "Maybe you deserve my thanks for saving me from piles of paperwork at the office or hospital…"

Both of their eyes stayed on the screen where an ice cream commercial played. Sakura looked at the close-up of brownies swirled in the frozen cream, as she mentally put it on her grocery list for things to buy next time she went out, her index finger haphazardly traced the top of Hidan's ear. Hidan tried to ignore it. He knew that if he acknowledged it, he wouldn't be able to stop acknowledging it….and he didn't want to start thinking of what could happen from there.

Instead he focused on the ice cream and wondered why the girl settled down to watch an ice cream commercial over a high-speed chase, which was much more mesmerizing to him. Sakura's finger traced patterns in the antihelix of his ear. Hidan grit his teeth. The commercial ended and he tried to sound as if nothing was wrong, but his voice came out slightly tight,

"…yeah, I do."

Sakura smiled as she flipped the channel.

"Then what do you suggest for thanks?"

"…uhh…well…"_For starters, you can thank me by kindly removing your finger from my ear so that I can think clearly. _"oh yeah…give me my body back." Sakura moved from his ear to his hair, unconsciously fingering a pale, silvery strand.

"Not gonna happen if you don't agree to help us-Oh!" Sakura had flipped to the next channel to find the one and only: Battle of the Brains-Shinobi Edition "Yes! Yes! Yes! This is my favorite show, Hidan!"

Hidan felt nauseous because the hand that was fingering him had suddenly pumped a fist several times into the air, therefore, efficiently rocking him, the couch, and Sakura. Sakura settled down to dive for the remote that she had tossed away during her bout of appreciation for the show. Quickly, she turned the volume up until it was only a few digits away from full.

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**Please Please leave a review! I like to know what my readers think!**

**also, just as an expectation of sorts...**I'm not going to write smut...it's hard enough for me to write the word 'sex' ...so its just not going to happen...I will try to work on my 'fluff' skills since I suck at them...I'm better at comedy or maybe drama (I D K)...or when both parties have bodies or whatever...I just don't think fluffy romance or anything works when one of the parties is only a head, especially when there's so much 'body language' needed to portray thoughts and feelings better then spoken words

I'm rambling like a blithering idiot, aren't I? Ok, fine, just ignore it and leave a reveiw


	16. Chapter 15: Sakura's Failure

**A**nyone else hyperventilating at the latest Naruto Manga??? They're both bad but one is much more evil and selfish and hot then the other and I can't decide who to root for. Argh!

**ok**, back to the task at hand. Yeah! Wooot! The latest chapter! I did this one quick because I held off on the last one for way too long and actually had it beta-ed by Neonn so props to her for helping me make it better :D

Btw, I don't own the characters, only the plot! So let me know what you think about it by leaving a **REVIEW!**  
**And...I made a picture for this one! The link is on my profile. It's called Candy**

**Oh, and I also put a poll up, so please answer it! I want to know what paring I should cover in my next fan-fic!**

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**IMPORTANT  
**

**In this chapter, Sakura does not have any thoughts…**_**so all the italics are actually Hidan's thoughts**_** since he's the only one able to think….get it? Got it? Good.**

**And another thing…whatever I say about his religion, I'm making up for the sake of the story based on the few things we do know about Jashinism. So don't go around arguing with me about what's authentic and crap. Tis merely _fiction_. **

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**_Morbid Curiosity Chapter 15_**

**Candy, 'Kuns', and Sakura's Failure_ (Aka: Day 2, part 3) _  
**

"And now its time for a commercial from our sponsors, ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned to see who makes it to the next round!" Said the Battle of the Brains host. Sakura had been spazzing out over Team Konoha as they answered ten questions in a row while Team Iwa was left in the dust. Hidan, too, caught on to the excitement when questions like the following were asked:

-What weapons do Jashinists primarily use?

-If a kunai stabs you in the left femoral artery, how long do you have before all the blood drains from your body?

-How many tailed-beasts are there?

-Why is Kirigakure famous for it's fish?

-If it's 2 am in Rain country and all the sake has been sold out, why does a raging rainstorm hit?

Hidan knew this one so he told Sakura the _real_ answer, and when she asked him how he was so sure of himself, he said it was because Pein got pissed off easy when he didn't get his sake.

"Who's 'Pain'?"

"..._My_ pain….he's the bastard Akatsuki leader."

"Well…the host says you're wrong."

"That's 'cuz the host doesn't know shit."

As they continued watching, Hidan forgot about his earlier animosity and Sakura forgot about _trying_ to seduce him; she was never any good at it anyway. Both of them shouted random answers, and as Sakura jumped around, Hidan did too. There was even an incident when Sakura threw both her fists into the air and Hidan went flying at the ceiling before she jumped up to grab him again. That's when Hidan finally got over Sakura's fingers being all over him. He'd rather stay in them then in the air.

"Fire! Fire, I'm telling you!"

"No! It's Earth! Any Jashinist would know, dammit!"

"And the correct answer is _Lightning_! Team Iwa gets this one, folks."

"Hah! Sakura! You were wrong!"

"Whatever Hidan, you were wrong too! Konoha'll get the next one, just watch." she stuck her tongue out childishly and blew a raspberry for his benefit.

"Don't get your hopes up …that Iwa guy looks like he's praying."

"pfft…I wonder why? They're losing so bad!"

"But that's not all folks! This was a 'Mission' question, so now both Teams must race to complete the following mission! Team Konoha! Team Iwa! Are you ready? This is worth 300 points!"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. What is it?"

"To hell with you for keeping a Jashinist waiting!"

"You must…."

"Come onnnn!" Sakura slapped her forehead impatiently.

"Fuckin' Heathen!"

"Complete the following obstacle course and do the following jutsu! Whoever finishes the jutsu and summons the Golden Scroll for their team first gets to keep it! Go!"

"-gasp- Team Konoha's so fast! It's like they vanished!"

"No way! You see that stone nin? He must've done a jutsu to them!"

"Hidan….he's just standing there-gasp!- I see them! There almost at the top!" Sakura's fingers dug into Hidan's cheeks in her excitement.

"Sa-ku-ra!"

"Oh! Sorry! But they're winning!"

"No they aren't, dammit! Hah! Bastards!...Oh wait…those are leaf nin…damn."

"And Team Konoha wins by a longshot! Looks like they paralyzed one of the stone nin with a jutsu before running off and used a henge to look like him! That was some clever planning, I must say! Leaf gets the Golden Scroll and gains 300 points!"

"Hah, Hidan! Nobody beats Konoha!"

"…big whoop. The game's not over yet, Sakura."

"Next question, Team Iwa: Name 3 of the 7 Shinobi Swordsmen of Hidden Mist"

"Zabuza! Raiga!...and the blue fish guy from Akatsuki!" She shouted as if the shinobi on TV could hear.

"Kisame? Really? I never knew he was part of them. Shit. See, those bastards! They never told me these things."

It was the final round, Team Iwa was down by two hundred points but they still had a chance if they wagered all of their current points, and took a chance to double them by winning the next question. Both teams had been given the questions already and now had a minute to write down their final answer.

Sakura's stomach gurgled, and to Hidan, this sounded much more threatening since he was pressed against her midsection. She hadn't eaten anything for lunch either. He tried to look up at her, but only saw another _part_ of her body blocking his view. He pushed any further thoughts to the back of his mind and quickly looked at Team Iwa again, cursing himself inwardly because he had just recently gotten over the overlapping body space issue by not paying attention to it. And here he was again…paying attention to it.

Sakura grimaced. She was hungry, but she didn't want to go to the kitchen and miss the final round. So with her eyes still on the screen, she shifted Hidan to her side and reached for her discarded bag in one corner of the couch. Distractedly, she searched for something to eat and her hand found the package from the romance shop. Remembering that she had bought those candies from there, she slid the package out and rustled among the paper to find them. Hidan didn't pay any attention to her because he was focusing on the screen. They were brainstorming. He was sure Iwa would win because that one guy from their team kept praying, and Hidan supported the idea very much.

Sakura finally managed to unwrap one and plop it into her mouth, just as the host began to read each team's final answer. She chewed it quickly and swallowed because her body was in need of some quick sugar. She was barely noticing the strange, sweet flavor, that seemed familiar from somewhere… but not really so.

Team Konoha won. Hidan sighed and angrily grumbled something about Team Iwa asking Jashin for help and not some other deity. She reached for the next wrapped confectionery treat and plopped that in as well. That's when Hidan finally noticed that she was eating something.

"Hey, what is that?" he asked, mildly curious.

"I don't know, some of that candy that guy at the store made me buy." She moved the hard candy around in her mouth, it's sweet flavor taking over her tongue. "It's good, though. Do you want some?"

"uh…no. I can't exactly eat anything while I'm like this, you know." Hidan looked at her like she'd grown another limb.

Sakura's brow furrowed a little as she sucked on the candy. There was something really weird about it, but she just couldn't place her finger on it (or should she say tongue?). Regardless of that, she didn't remove the sweet from her mouth, because quite frankly, it tasted good. Reaching for the remote, she turned the volume down and shifted around on the couch to face Hidan, who she had set on the other end.

Hidan looked at her quizzically.

_What's she up to now?_

Sakura slowly blinked and crawled towards him. Hidan blinked back and forced himself not to look at her chest as she settled across from him. The candy had melted into nothing, all of it was now one hundred percent absorbed by her body.

Sakura poked Hidan's head with a finger.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Ignoring his question, Sakura tapped her lower lip,

"Hidan…I think there's something wrong with you."

"What?!" There were, in fact, many things wrong with him, mainly that he should be dead since he was only a disembodied head, but that was beside the point.

"Shh! You don't have to be so loud…anyway…I don't know what it is exactly, but there's something wrong with you." Sakura leaned closer so that she was almost nose to nose with him as she observed him carefully. Hidan wasn't phased by this too much.

"Oh really? Then please enlighten me."

Sakura's brought her hand forward and slowly raked her fingers through his hair. Hidan's eyed widened in shock and pleasure, but just as he was about to protest, she shouted in triumph,

"That's it! Your eyes are the same color as my hair!" He face broke out into a grin as she rubbed his head. She never did that. Nor did she ever state the obvious like some idiot. _What the hell?_

"Hey, Hidan-kunnnn….why do you have girly colored eyes? I thought men didn't do pink?" She purred. That's when Hidan noticed what was so off about her. Her pupils were dilated a bit more then normal and her face was flushed. What could that mean? Then Hidan saw the colorful candy wrappers scattered about.

_Oh……OH! Dammit! She's been drugged, hasn't she? I knew that fucking salesman couldn't be trusted! I could tell by his voice! He was a pervert-bastard too! I heard him trying to sell her that fancy underwear! No man EVER tries to do that! Jashin! I swear I'll fucking kill him for doing that once I get out of this!_

Hidan stopped his rant when he felt a curious sensation on his face. Sakura had just trailed her finger down his nose, and now it rested lightly on his lips. _That_ had _never_ happened to him before. Not by Sakura, not by anyone else. He wasn't sure if he should talk and move his lips or stay still until she removed them. She definitely wasn't acting like herself anymore._Damned drugs_. So he couldn't expect anything normal to happen next.

And there was nothing he could do about it either.

"Hidan-kun…if this is bothering you, you tell me right away, okay?"

Now, of course Hidan would have loved to say that it was bothering him but how could he say it without offending her? She was frightening enough on her own, but now, in the drug-induced hormonal high that she was in at the moment, there was no doubt that she was more dangerous then before. Hidan mentally sighed and weakly spoke, somewhat ignoring the finger on his lip. _And besides_, he thought, _she was calling him 'kun', wasn't she?_

"N-No, it's…uh…it's fine." He managed a tight smile and her finger trailed off his lip. He mentally sighed in relief. "…So…Sakura…how are you feeling?" he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"Great! I haven't felt this good in weeks!" Sakura beamed and shifted around. She didn't realize it but her loose shirt's collar dipped even further then before. Hidan gulped and tried not to follow the shifting fabric because as a Shinobi, he was trained to notice even the smallest of changes. Oops…too late. He painfully shifted his gaze to look at her face which had gotten right next to his. Her eyes were closed so she was blissfully unaware of where he had been looking, in fact, and she was busy doing …_something_. Then her nose wrinkled.

She opened her eyes and frowned.

"Hidan-kun… That strawberry shampoo must have faded, or something because you don't smell nice anymore."

"Eh?" Hidan couldn't help it, he tried to sniff himself and found that she was right. He smelled like wet paper and ink. He didn't like it either but of course he couldn't tell her that. "…yeah…I do, but it's ok."

Sakura's eyes widened in shock.

"What?! No! It's not ok! I don't like the way you smell right now!" She grabbed him and held him up in front of her. Hidan resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Seriously, it's not important. What are you going to do about it?" _Jashin. I should NOT have said that._

"hmm…I don't know…oh wait! I remember there's this spray…that ugly fat man from the store gave it to me..." She put him down and Hidan's eyes widened in alarm and he sputtered,

"W-What! No-"

Fwshh! Fwshhh!

He was being consumed by an intoxicating mist. He sputtered and coughed some more as Sakura picked him up and leaned back against the couch with her feet up in front of her. Then she squeezed him to her chest and took a deep, deep breath, letting it out with an "Ahhhh!" before she held him before her again. Hidan couldn't believe that he had just been shoved into a woman's chest. And without warning, too (not that it would have helped him much). He was blushing furiously but Sakura didn't seem to notice as she smiled at him. That was when he saw that her cheeks were blotchily flushed.

"That's better Hidan-kun! Now you smell sooooo much nicer! I love it!" Then she proceeded to hug him to her once more before placing him in her lap and fiddling with his hair.

"S-Sakura! What are you doing?" Hidan squeaked.

"What do you mean?" She gave him a clueless look and a pout to match. Oh, she would have looked just so cute and innocent if it wasn't for her eyes which shone with sharp, calculating intelligence. Now intelligence does not necessarily mean that she knew what she was doing…no, she had no idea in he drug induced stupor…she just knew what she was doing by blindly following her instincts to get what she wanted. And that's what scared Hidan most. He knew she wasn't going to hurt him physically, but if he gave in to whatever she asked now…he'd have nothing left to hurt. His manliness and his pride would be shattered. What would Jashin-Sama think of a man who had no dignity left?

Well, Hidan didn't think he'd be able to fight her off anymore. He wanted to at least end the 3-day grace period with some dignity, but he wasn't so sure that it was going to happen anymore, what with the way that she was tracing designs on the back of his neck again and giggling softly right next to his ear ...wait…What!?

His skills as a shinobi were definitely wearing down. He didn't even know when she'd brought him so teasingly close to her face and began blowing in his ear as she whispered things that he didn't quite hear. _Jashin-Sama! Help me! How do girls _do_ that?!_

"Hmmm?" He was too lost in the sensations he was experiencing to realize that he'd just been asked something.

"Hidann-kunnn…I asked you…what you would do if you had your body back? It's no fun when you're just a head."_ Fun?...Oh…the question…_

"I-I…well…"

"Would you just run away from me and worship Jashinnn?" She turned him around and pressed her forehead against his, looking straight into his eyes. Her own were no longer as calculating as before…now they just seemed …curious. Hidan blushed at the super close contact before he blinked to break eye contact and sighed.

"…no…I would tell you about him, first."

"So you would run away from me?"

"But I would tell you about him, first."

"Why can't you tell me noww?"

"…I…well…" Sakura pouted, so he sighed. "…what do you want to know?" Sakura giggled again, brushing her nose with his. Hidan went cross-eyed for a second before focusing on her mirthful eyes again.

"Welllll….I want to know why you follow Jashin." Hidan remained quiet for a moment before he began,

"…it's kind of hard for me to explain to you right now, Pinky."

"Just try to, Hidan-kun."

"okay… I…I follow him because I like what he says…I understand the meaning of what he says…", Hidan was no longer so self-aware of having a beautiful girl up in his face like that. He was talking about what he loved most, and nothing could stop him from that.

"Oh…then what does Jashin say? Why do you like it?" Sakura pressed.

"Well…what can I say? He…uh…He says the world should be rid of bad people." _Well, ok, so that was putting it lightly_, he thought. Sakura quirked a brow and he could feel it against his own.

"That's all? What kind of 'bad' people? Is that the _only_ reason you like him?"

"…no…there's more to it…Jashin says that all these bad people in the world deserve to die. Be _sacrificed_ to him. The ones that cause others pain…the ones that make others hurt and cry…they shouldn't exist. And…I feel that way, too."

"So then what do _you_ do as his follower, Hidannn?" Sakura's finger's began moving against the sides of his head, again.

"I-I…just do what he says and help spread his message and get rid of those bastards that cause people pain…yeah…that's it."

"Then…what do you get in return?"

"Immortality." He said simply. Sakura looked at him quietly contemplating. So he explained further.

"Everlasting life. I can never die no matter what happens….so that I can help rid the world of evil bastards like the Akatsuki bunch, forever." Sakura let out a soft sigh and let a small smile grace her features.

"That's very noble of you, Hidan-kun."

Hidan lowered his gaze in humbleness. It was in that split second that Sakura gave him a light kiss on the cheek and told him,

"If you told more people, then they'd understand…and you wouldn't be so alone, Hidan-kun…I wish you had your body back so that I could give you a hug." She said it so sincerely, that right then, something finally clicked in Hidan's mind. He no longer blushed, he no longer felt ashamed, he no longer felt that he was loosing his dignity. He felt like he'd gained some part of him that he'd never had before. And it didn't even matter to him that Sakura may have been saying all this while high.

"Yeah, me too." He smiled. _I want that hug._

Perhaps the drugs had faded by now. Perhaps Sakura's medic chakra finally kicked in and got rid of it. But whatever the reason, she somehow made a connection with what he'd just said and she heard a **Shannaro!** Somewhere in the back of her mind.

She got off the couch and, tucking him in the nook of her arm, began her way to her room for the night.

"So does this mean that you'll help Konoha, Hidan-kun?" she sounded a little smug.

"…yeah…So I'll get my body back?"

"Of course." She smirked. She really had _no_ idea what she had just done, but for whatever reason, it had worked and Hidan had agreed. _Finally!_

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**Now leave a reveiew please -pouts-**

**I know you were all waiting for a kiss -winks-**

**sadly, this story will come to an end soon, and I want to know who my next fan-fic should be about. There's a poll with choices on my profile. Go answer it :D and check out the crappy art that I messed up. **_  
_


	17. Chapter 16: Gut feelings

Salutations my dear readers!

I'm terribly sorry this took so long to put up. But it is one of the chapters you've been waiting to get to as you read through this entire story. I've had a lot of school work to do since there's only a few weeks left. And to top it off, senioritis is kicking me really hard in the guts.

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**So there's a place I've marked with (n), read this part when you get there**

**(n): Reality is only what you perceive. Any pain, any euphoria, and type of emotion or sensation you are feeling is all in your head. Ever head of 'Phantom Pain'? It happens when an amputee feels pain or itching where his/her amputated limb used to be. Even though there is no body part, the amputee's brain still believes that there is and tries to send signals to the nerves over there.**

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**Morbid Curiosity Chapter 16  
**

** A feeling in your guts? Do you even have any?**

Sakura woke up before dawn the next morning and made her way to see the Hokage alone. As expected, upon entering her office that early in the day, Tsunade was nearly sprawled over her desk in a deep slumber.

"Tsunade-shisou…" Sakura gently prodded the Hokage awake.

"Mmmph….mm.." Tsunade didn't wake up.

"Tsunade Shisou!" Sakura called out more urgently this time and Tsunade's head shot up in alarm.

"What!? What!? What is it?"

Sakura held up her hands and took a step back looking guilty.

"It's only me, Shisou…sorry, I shouldn't have done that…"

"…oh? Uhh….oh yes, yes…" Tsunade looked outside and her eyes widened as she snapped at her apprentice, "Sakura, do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I know it's early but it's important."

"It better be…" Tsunade grumbled as she settled in her seat to listen to what had to come next.

"He's agreed." She didn't have to say who this person was or what the agreement pertained to. Tsunade understood immediately and slammed a palm on her desk in incredulity.

"WHAT? Really? How do you know? What happened? Are you sure? Why did he agree?" On the desk, an empty sake bottle that shouldn't have been there fell over and rolled off the table with a chink.

"H-Hai. He did. I don't know why he agreed but I did give him time to think about it…I guess he did. He told me last night that he was willing to assist us." Sakura stared directly into Tsunade's eyes to emphasize her words. Tsunade narrowed her own.

"How do you know that he's not playing us for fools?"

"I've talked to him. He's told me a bit about himself. I-I trust him….he's not really a bad person…"

Tsunade heaved a deep sigh and didn't speak for a very long and drawn out minute.

"I guess we'll have to send somebody to dig up the rest of his body. I want you to bring him in unconscious so that we can reattach him. During the surgery, you will be in charge of making observations on his chakra levels and pathways...this is something entirely new to me…I don't know how successful it will be."

Sakura smiled.

"Don't worry, it's not as difficult as it sounds, I don't know why it works, but Hidan's told me that his last partner would reattach him all the time with just a few stitches, so I think we'll be alright."

"…we'll see….I'll send for you later…now go. I need to slee-err…prepare."

Sakura nodded and left. Tsunade looked out her window to see hints of purple and pink on the horizon. Sighing, she called in Shizune from her adjacent room to alert Shikamaru and find some chuunin to dig up the rest of Hidan's body. This would be one of those rare days in her entire medical career where she'd be doing something without knowing what exactly it was that she was doing. What an interesting day, this would be.

--

Sakura carried Hidan into the surgery room and walked around the tables covered in shiny, metallic tools. She noticed that there were various other tables covered in sheets that took the form of the odd arm, leg or torso.

"Is he knocked out?" Tsunade asked, drying her hands with a towel as she brushed by Sakura's shoulder. Sakura hugged Hidan's sleeping head closer in her arms as she cast a worried glance to the tables holding the rest of his body.

"He never woke up. He's still asleep from last night."

"Rough night then, huh, Sakura?" Tsunade grinned suggestively. She loved bugging her apprentice about this sort of thing. Sakura blushed at the innuendo and played dumb.

"Sh-Shisou! What are you talking about?"

"Kakashi gave me a report on his mission and then some…" she shrugged.

"I never needed his 'advice'-have you even thought about how it could be used in a situation like…like…_this_?" she helplessly accentuated the still sleeping Hidan in her arms.

"Okay…okay…fine…so what happened?" Tsunade walked over to a wall void of machines and equipment so that she could casually lean against it, and wait for her blushing and stuttering student to report.

"Nothing!"

Tsunade crossed her arms and gave her a withering look.

"It couldn't have been 'nothing' if you finally made him agree."

If possible, Sakura's blush deepened and she hugged Hidan's head for comfort. She didn't want to even _think_ about how when she _tried_ to seduce men, it never worked. She didn't want to even _begin_ to explain how pathetic of a kunoichi she was that she had to be _drugged_ (by candies that _she_ had bought and _should_ have checked for poisons or drugs before eating) just so that she could successfully seduce a man. Nor did she want to admit that she had followed Kakashi's crude advice, of course.

"Look, he agreed didn't he? So why does it matter how it happened?" She forced out. Tsunade eyed the disembodied head.

"For future reference….if you hug him anymore, he'll wake up. Put him on that table." She gestured as Sakura looked down surprised at how much she had been treating a severed human head like a comfort blanket or a teddy bear. Nodding and looking meek, she didn't mention that nobody would need 'future reference' for seducing disembodied heads as she placed the silver-haired one on the operating table.

"Alright…let's start. SHIZUNE!" The Hokage yelled for her assistant who stumbled in looking a little pale. She had avoided entering the room since finding out what was going to happen, and now as she did her duty as a medic and methodically uncovered each of the various limbs and body parts on the other tables, her face turned a sickly green. Shizune could handle a lot of things, even the Hokage during a hangover, but seeing living, detached body parts, and then having to touch them, to actually reattach them…well, that was a whole other matter to her. It danced dangerously on the edges of the natural order of things and that just didn't sit right with her. Being a medic was all about knowing the nature of the human body, so this wasn't possible. And yet, here she was, staring at a detached foot. That was still, apparently _alive_. It was all Shizune could do to hold her breakfast.

"Well" Tsunade grinned and placed her hands on her hips with determination "This is almost like a jig-saw puzzle, right Sakura?"

"H-Hai…" Sakura was unsure and a little intimidated. Before regarding Hidan the way she did now, she would be grinning just like Tsunade at the prospect of working in an entirely new field of medicine: that of immortals.

But this time, she was working with a friend's body, and the idea just didn't hold the same things it had for her before. If you asked her before she met Hidan, she would have been even more curious then her teacher and actually very excited at the prospect of working with such a …_unique_ individual. Instead, she was worried. How would the procedure go? Did he need anesthetics? Would he be able to move after this? Would everything work the same? _Would he be alright?_

--

Hidan came back to consciousness but didn't open his eyes. Something was strange. His brow furrowed. He was feeling really, really tired. Weak, all of a sudden. He hadn't felt that way in a while. Not since…not since he stopped feeling his body all that long ago.

And then the pain hit him like a ton of bricks. It was a lot of pain and it was coming from all over so he couldn't figure out where it was exactly. He knew he was feeling it all in his head…right? Because he couldn't possibly have his body back. He grimaced and his mouth formed a thin line. Colors, shapes, and figured formed in his mind's eye. All sorts of random scenes played out in his mind. Memories of painful encounters from his past vividly surfaced. He tried to connect the pain he felt in places with the corresponding actions that caused them.**(n)** If he felt pain where his chest would be, there was probably a blade sticking out of it. If the place his arm would be was stinging, it was probably because it was covered in senbon needles. Right?

Right.

Because he didn't have a body. He was just imagining things. This pain was all part of a dream…a dream without pictures…or sounds…well there were sounds…but they were quiet. He heard the soft murmur of women's voices nearby as well as a series of obnoxious beeps.

"He's coming to!"

"Yeah, I know! Move out of my way!" there was a commotion and a shuffle of feet, then suddenly, Hidan felt a familiar hand glide down the side of his face and a soft voice say his name. He still felt a lot pain but if he focused all his feeling on the cool fingers running across his forehead, maybe he could forget about it. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with an anxious pair of green ones.

"Sa-Sakura…?" His voice came out in a hoarse whisper and he frowned as he watched his friend's face relax in relief.

"Oh good. You're finally awake! I was really worried there. So how are you feeling? Tell me everything." Sakura pulled up a chair and sat next to him. Her face moved out of his view and his eyes followed her until they no longer could and then he somehow managed to keep her in his field of vision. _Wait. Jashin, I can turn my head?_

He turned his head back to the ceiling. His neck hurt at the base of his skull and the sides were really sore. He turned his head away from Sakura and stared at a blinking wall of machines. He closed his eyes turned back at the ceiling.

It couldn't be? Could it?

Everything he was feeling. All of the odd pressures. The faint sensations. The small breeze every time someone walked past him quickly. Did he have his body back? Did he _really_ have his body back?

He looked at Sakura again and she genuinely smiled, waiting for him to finally start talking. _No, I'm not dreaming am I?_

He closed his eyes and tried to sort out all the sensations he was experiencing. Starting from the base of his neck, one by one, little by little, the sensations started to make sense and the pain lessened to a dull ache. His muscles were cramped and there was an uncomfortable, tingly sensation everywhere. He tried to move his fingers, but he couldn't tell if they were moving or not. He took a deep breath and felt his lungs fill up with air. His chest expanded rather painfully, but he could feel that (the pain of inhaling) at least and was sure that yes, he had his body back and it was working the way it was supposed to.

"I'm sore…fff…Sakura, I have a huge headache…" Hidan tried to use his arms to levy himself up but couldn't and opted for groaning from the effort.

"Here, let me help you…." Sakura moved forward and helped him up.

"…that's all you've been doing…don't you think its time for me carry my own weight around? Ouch! Jashin, how long is this going to last?" Hidan gave her a pained grin and supported himself on his arms.

"Does it hurt a lot? Do you want me to give you something?"

"Relax…I've done worse…my body's used to the pain…just my head that isn't used to feeling my body…Jashin dammit!" Hidan cracked something in his back and hunched over panting. The sheet covering his body slid down to his waist. Hidan clutched the edges and fought off the pain accompanying his movement. That's when he realized that he was wearing nothing beneath the sheet. His eyes shot open and he gripped the sheet tighter and closer to his body. It had been a LONG time since he'd felt shame, heck, it'd been a long time since he'd felt the need to cover up. He carefully looked over at Sakura, his face gone absurdly white. Sakura didn't look phased in the slightest. Perhaps she didn't know of his current, unclothed state?

Before he knew it, Sakura's hand shot forward and pushed his hair back out of his face, since it had flopped onto his face when he'd doubled over. She got closer and observed his face with both hands. Hidan went completely still. His brow was covered in a sheen of sweat from the effort of moving around, but his face was as pale as his hair.

"Hidan? Are you feeling feverish or nauseous, maybe? You look really pale." Sakura's hands started to glow green as she assessed him. She furrowed her brows and pursed her lips. Hidan saw this and panicked.

"Fuck! What's wrong with me? I'm not going to be like this forever am I?!"

"No! Calm down, Hidan. Nothing's wrong…your body doesn't have any chakra yet…and all your muscles are stiff…they haven't been used in a while…"

"oh…ok…Jashin knows I've been through worse shit than this…" Hidan visibly calmed down and his breathing became steadier with each breath.

"You'll be good as new in a few days…you just need to move around a bit … you know what? I just figured out something!" Sakura grinned smugly.

"What?" Hidan looked at her suspiciously.

"You can eat now." Hidan didn't know if he should feel threatened because of the look on her face or be relieved that he could eat.

--

As Hidan slept as part of the after-effects of getting his body reattached together, Sakura and Tsunade sat in the Hokage's office and discussed what to do next. Tsunade sipped a cup of tea (that smelled suspiciously like sake) and looked at Sakura over the brim with a critical eye. Sakura was fidgeting around. She seemed a little to eager to go back and sit patiently by the slumbering ex-Akatsuki in the other room.

"Sakura, I know we've discussed this before, but I really have to be sure about him. Since he doesn't have any chakra yet, if there's any problems, we can still stop him. So tell me again, and tell me the in all honesty: Do you trust him?"

"Yes." Sakura answered without a second thought.

"How much? Enough to let him be in charge of your life? Or of Konoha's?"

"..." Sakura remained quiet and looked at the floor. She hadn't thought about it like that. Trusting Konoha to Hidan, just like any other leaf shinobi?

"Sakura, answer me." Demanded sternly.

"…I just…I don't know. I trust him because he's really not a bad person…and I think…if he's agreed to help Konoha, then we can-no, we _should_ trust him, right? He doesn't have any reason to betray us anymore…he has his own vendetta to fulfill." Sakura's reasoned slowly, not only with the Hokage, but also with herself. As she thought about what she had just said some more, the fog in her mind dissipated and her gaze drifted to meet the Hokage's own.

"Actually Shisou, I think I would trust him. He's as much a human as you or I. And he's not what some people call 'evil'…he has his reasons for doing certain things in his life…and I understand him and why he had to do them. If he says he'll help us, then I trust not only my life to him, but that of Konoha as well."

Tsunade simply stared at her apprentice with a mix of pride and frustration. She was the one that had taught Sakura how to think these things through. She was the one that had trained Sakura and turned her into the respected and powerful kunoichi she was today. Unfortunately, Sakura was now using all her logical methods against Tsunade. The Hokage gave a weak smile.

"Sakura, I can't take a chance with him. You may say that you would entrust Konoha to an outsider, but since Konoha is not directly your responsibility, I, as the Hokage, need to make the decision. As long as this great tree called the Hidden Leaf is entrusted to me…no matter what crisis may befall the village, the duty of protecting and raising the little leaves falls on me (Kishimoto 238.13)."

Sakura nodded her head.

"I understand Shisou-"

Tsunade cut her off,

"But since Hidan's helping Konoha is in our best interests….all I want is a little proof, Sakura."

"W-What do you mean?"

"I don't doubt his ability as a Shinobi nor his knowledge of Akatsuki, that is why we asked him to help….but I do doubt his ability to be trusted since he's already turned his back on one organization…. If he stays with you for a little while, we can test him. He has his body back now, he can do anything. I'll send other shinobi over regularly to see how he's doing, how he reacts with them. If he hurts you or anyone else, then…..you know what will happen."

"Yes, Shisou. And I believe he'll prove his trust to you. Don't worry." Sakura grinned as she got up to leave. Tsunade watched her apprentice pass through the double doors and took a sip of her 'tea'.

"I'm not worried, Sakura…but we'll see."

--

A few days later.

"Hidan! Get down here! Come try this!" Sakura called from the kitchen amid a flurry of pots and pans and smoke. Hidan loped in, taking his sweet time as he sniffed the peculiar smell in the air. Sakura hurried him along.

"I know you can walk faster then that, so get moving! Your body is recovering faster then I thought and I'm pretty sure it's because of all the healthy food you've been eating."

"Seriously? I think those foods are slowing me down, how about something else? Say… something dipped in batter and deep fried?" Hidan grumbled as he sat down heavily at the kitchen table and rubbed his joints. Sakura came over and set in front of him a bowl of something that looked like it had been chewed already. Hidan eyed it warily before the cook shoved a spoon in his hand and took a seat across from him.

"Hidan, how are you feeling today?"

Frowning, he looked up from his 'meal'.

"Like an old man. A geezer way past his prime."

"But aren't you an old man anyway?" Sakura teased.

"Dammit! I'm _immortal_. It's not the same thing as _old_." Hidan slammed his spoon feebly on the table, some of the concoction in the bowl sloshed out. Sakura's cheery demeanor vanished and she gave Hidan a sharp look. Hidan sighed and dipped the tip of his spoon in, scooped some out, sniffed it, and shoved it in his mouth. Hidan made a face as he chewed and swallowed and grabbed the tall glass of water that Sakura forced him to take with every meal 'for hydration' which resulted in too many unnecessary trips to the little boys' room.

"What the hell is this?" Hidan asked after he finally gulped enough water to rinse the bad combination of flavors from his mouth.

"It's oatmeal with tofu and leek." Sakura's brows furrowed and she shifted into the chair next to his as she sniffed the stuff. Hidan gave her a long hard look before asking,

"…_why_? Why all that? Even Jashin wouldn't use it to punish the damned." Sakura gave an annoyed sigh.

"Because. Oatmeal gives you the carbs; tofu, the protein; and leek as a safe antioxidant (and flavoring)….does this mean you won't eat it?" Hidan gave her another hard look until she gave up. With a huff she stood and went to the pantry.

"Ramen it is then."

"That's the 34th time you've tried to poison me with those cursed recipes." Hidan said as he reached for the sliver of paper he kept hidden under the table and marked another line off. Sakura whirled around.

"I haven't been trying to POISON you! It's all healthy and it's supposed to help you get better! IF YOU CAN'T - you've been keeping count?"

"Yup." By now, Hidan was used to Sakura's mood swings.

* * *

**Yay!**

**Another chapter completed. I threw in some fluff at the end because it's awesome.**

**I hope that the psychology stuff I put in didn't confuse you. **

**Did you like it?**

**Was it worth the wait?**

**Don't worry, I know there's some questions that haven't been answered, but all that fluff'n'stuff comes in the next one, as well as some real action (no, not the that kind, you pervert!)**

**So please PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 17: Sleep, Sheep, and what?

* * *

**See, **I told you I was working on the next chapter! And summer is nearly here. And guess what! Today's my Birfdayyy, I'm officially old enough to get tattoos and extra piercings...not that I'd really want any of that :P I'm happy the way I am.

**This Chapter** was a bit difficult to write. Mostly because the time line was giving me issues. The part where Hidan is forced to eat Sakura's cooking should be somewhere in this chapter, but I just wanted to put it in, anyway. Because I'm stupid, duh.

There's a bit on the end if you'll stick around for it, please:D also, check out my **deviantart** cuz theres a bit of **hidasaku stuff** from the **oekaki** board that i put up even though its **not related to this fic**

* * *

**Morbid Curiosity Chapter 17**

**Count the sheep and go to sleep...unless they're zombie sheep, of course.**

FLASHBACK!

The night that Hidan was brought to Sakura's house from the hospital was a weird one, to say the least. When the medics that carried him in (since he was still asleep and couldn't very well carry his own weight yet) asked her where to put him, Sakura immediately told them her room, with an image of the tiny shoebox with it's cushion in her head. So when the medics came down and told her that he'd been tucked in and was still asleep, she told them 'Ok, that's fine. I'll check up on him soon.' and continued brewing her tea. About five minutes later, when she arrived at her bedroom door, stepped in, and flicked on the lights, she heard a masculine groan and spilt her tea all over herself because the image of seeing a half-naked man lying in her bed was... quite shocking.

She had to backtrack and remember that Hidan had just gotten his body back … and that's when she felt the burning wetness all over her shirt front from the scalding tea she had unknowingly bathed in. Cursing under her breath, she held the soaked fabric away from her skin and made her way to her dresser to pull a clean shirt out. With Sakura's hubbub, Hidan stirred awake and cracked open one eye and saw to his despair that her shirt lay in a soggy pile on the floor next to her dresser as she struggled to pull on a clean one. Mentally groaning, Hidan shut his eye and brought a hand up to cover his face. The small noise from the movement cause Sakura to pause.

…Oh crap!

**You forgot he was there, didn't you?**

…again…

Then with the speed and agility of a tempered shinobi, she turned around in a split second and managed to pull her shirt on all the way at the same time. What she saw when she turned around forced her to get a warm, fuzzy feeling in her stomach because what Hidan was doing was so chivalrous, so genuine, and so uncommon- any girl would have melted. He was covering his eyes with his hand to keep from looking at her.

I guess chivalry was still around when he was growing up, huh?

**Or maybe he's just peeking at you between his fingers.**

But of course, Sakura didn't listen to the more logical side of her brain, she was too lost in the sweetness of the act. After a moment, she finally got over it and brusquely asked him if he was awake.

"Yeah, I'm just so freakin' sore every way I turn….are you done?"

"Done with what?" Sakura didn't want to bring it up, so she played dumb.

"Changing."

Sakura nearly choked before she stuttered out a lame, "y-yeah, I'm done."

Sighing, Hidan brought his hand down from his face and tilted his head forward to look at her,

"Seriously, you have stop doing that. Warn me next time, why don't you?"

This statement from him brought on an entire series of thoughts from her, confirming some of her suspicions and negating others:

_If he was looking, he wouldn't have needed to ask._

**What if he's just playing you? He could be a great actor.**

_Aww, he's asking me to warn him?_

**…Wait…he's asking me to warn him? He didn't enjoy the view?**

But of course, her next exclamation was one that had Hidan sweating straight away, and it wasn't because of his sore muscles.

"This has happened **before?**" It didn't even sound like a question, the way she worded it. It was more of a statement that was daring him to prove it wrong with the little question mark tacked on at the end. This time, it was Hidan's turn to choke a little before all the blood in his body began rushing to his face, as if that would turn him invisible.

And that's when it dawned on her. Her mouth hung open just a little. Seeing Hidan turn pink for the first time, she realized that every other time she'd seen him blush, there had always been an awkward conversation coming from him afterwards.

_Oh God…He didn't…I mean…_

**Yes. Yes he did.**

_Every time I…he …Oh... God…I can't believe it…_

**How could you be so naïve?**

_I-I…it just…Ohhh…_

"I spilled some tea on myself, it was hot…" Sakura said lamely as her skin began it's journey to match Hidan's own.

"Oh." Hidan sat up and the covers slid down to his waist. He ran his hand through his hair then stared at his hands in his lap. His shirt was unbuttoned most of the way and hung loose on his frame. She could clearly see his chest. And it clearly signified that he was in fact, a shinobi. "It feels good to be back. Seriously, really good. I can finally get to that itch on the back of my neck."

Sakura had to force herself not to gape at the fine male specimen in her bed. _In her bed. Oh…that's right._

**Nooo! Don't do it!**

_I have to! It's not right!_

**We can **_**make**_** it right!**

_No!_

"Umm…Hidan?" Sakura hid her hands behind her back because she was starting to do that thing with her fingers that Hinata always did around Naruto.

"What?" He looked up at her.

"You can't sleep in my room anymore…you see…there's only one bed and you… don't….fit in the shoebox …."

**He definitely does not fit in that shoebox anymore. **

_Quiet! _

"Oh"

"Yeah….there's a spare bed in the room over, you can sleep there."

Hidan didn't have any qualms about it, especially considering that when he realized what Sakura was talking about, he got a bit more pink in the face. Although, a small part of him was wondering what would have happened if he didn't agree, there was a bigger part of him that just wanted to rest without want to deal with any problems that would keep him from it, i.e. Arguing with Sakura.

Eventually, Sakura had helped Hidan get up and go to the next room and finally go to sleep. When she got back to her own, she shut the door and leaned against it, breathing somewhat heavier due to something other then physical effort of having Hidan lean against her as she helped him get into bed. Really, how could she not have noticed how really-really-ridiculously-good-looking Hidan was, until now? Well, ok. It was pretty obvious to her that he was hot just by looking at his head. She had found that out on that first night, so long ago. But seriously? Even during the re-attachment operation, she hadn't noticed. How was it possible not to? Easy. Sakura had simply been monitoring his condition, not actually observing the rest of his body. If she had, well, then she would have felt this uncomfortable even before the medics brought a reassembled Hidan into her home. Unfortunately, it wasn't a bad feeling of discomfort…it was the type she got whenever she had been around Sasuke in her genin years.

Sighing, she slid down against the door and raked her fingers through her hair. It had been a really rough day for her and Hidan both. It was better to just go to sleep.

--

The following day, Hidan basically slept unless he had to eat or drink. It was a few hours after his first meal that he realized he had to go to the bathroom, and that he would have to start going regularly. At first, Hidan tried to hold it and hid his discomfort well, but eventually Sakura noticed and prodded him with awkward questions until he finally told her what was wrong. When she offered to help, he shouted at the indecency of the idea and forced himself out of sheer stubbornness and willpower to get out of bed and creep towards the bathroom all on his own. He was offended that she even suggested it, and embarrassed that she had had to, but amazingly, he proved to her that he was a lot stronger when he needed to be.

END OF FLASHBACK!

That's when she realized that perhaps idly resting his body would not help him recover as fast as real training and proper diet would. Hidan of course, grumbled at the idea, but he really had no choice but to give in and do as the medic told him.

And that was how he found himself a week later, in a field, running away from Naruto's attacks. Since Sakura said that she wouldn't heal him if he got hurt during training because his body was his responsibility and not hers, he was forced to protect his body and avoid getting run through with kunai. He didn't need any extra holes in his body. They just got annoying and made it hard to sleep with all the bleeding and festering. Besides, he didn't want to ruin Sakura's bed sheets.

Hidan wasn't allowed to fight with weapons yet. All he had was a wooden staff that he wasn't wielding very well. And then Naruto started chasing him with a glowing, blue ball of spinning chakra.

"Ahhh! Jashin help me!" Hidan yelled as he ran away like a pansy from Naruto and his Rasengan. He used his staff to catapult around, but that was all he could do. He hated running away like a pansy. It was a very unmanly and undignified thing to do.

"Make it bigger, Naruto! He's too slow!" Sakura pumped her fist in the air from the sidelines as she watched their training progress. Hidan spared a second to send an incredulous look her way.

"Do you WANT him to freakin' kill me?!"

"Don't worry Naruto! You won't hurt him too bad! He'll survive!"

"Raaaseng-"

"SAKURAA!!"

There was a loud crack similar to thunder except, rather then coming from above, it came from where Sakura had last seen Hidan and Naruto. Suddenly the trees in that area violently shook and the biggest of them came crashing down in a pile of splintered wood and leaves. Naruto jumped out of the fray but she couldn't see Hidan. Sakura gasped as she shot towards the mess.

"Naruto! Did you hit him? Where is he?!" her voice carried thick tones of worry this time rather then the cheering optimism from before. Before Naruto could tell her anything, she started lifting the bigger pieces of the tree and tossing them every which way as she searched for Hidan.

"Hidan?! Can you hear me? Are you okay? Hidan!"

"What?" His nonchalant voice came from behind her. She spun around and lo and behold, there he was, panting mildly. A few scratches on his face and a long gash along his forearm, but thankfully, in one piece. And then, when he saw her panicked face he took a step forward with a smug smile playing on his lips, "Aw were you worried about me? Seriously, Jashin-sama takes care of me pretty well when I need it."

Immediately, Sakura's expression changed as she stalked towards him and gave him a good knock on the head, "No! I just don't want to see your guts spilling everywhere and have to sew you back up!"

"Ow! What was that for?!" Hidan rubbed his head where a large bump was beginning to form.

"I though Jashin-sama takes care of you?"

"That was uncalled for!"

"You should have been faster!" and with that, Sakura 'hmphed' and walked away.

"But Sakura-chan , he's getting better." Naruto pointed out after having a good laugh at Hidan's expense. Unfortunately, that earned him a knock on the head as well.

"Unless you two can avoid _that_ the next time it happens, neither of you are improving. I'm going home." Sakura said over her shoulder as she headed out of the training field.

"But Sakura-chan why would we avoid you?"

"I can think of a few good reasons." Hidan smirked, wiping blood from his arm onto his shirt as he stood next to Naruto and watched Sakura retreat. Naruto gave him a wary look before bounding off,

"Well, I'm starving, I'm going to Ichiraku's. Best ramen ever! See you later."

"Wait…what?!" Hidan looked around aghast as he was left alone in the middle of a semi-destroyed training field.

"Jashin! Everyone just up and left me here! The Kyuubi brat didn't even invite me to go eat. Dammit! Just because I wasn't chasing him with giant balls of chakra doesn't mean I'm not tired and hungry! It takes more energy to run away from those things then it does making them!" And so, Hidan complained and whined all to his lonesome self as he picked himself up, bracing against his staff, and made his way into town. Although it may have looked like he was oblivious to everything but himself as he stalked into town, he knew that the entire way, ANBU had been watching him from the shadows of surrounding trees; testing him to see if he would run away from Konoha if left alone and unguarded.

As soon as he stepped onto the main street, Shikamaru appeared from around the corner and casually strolled next to him.

"What are you doing here?" Hidan asked, turning a sour expression to the dark haired shinobi.

"Nothing. Just walking. You?"

"I just came back from training. Seriously, shouldn't you know that already? What with you guys keeping tabs on me and all."

Shikamaru simply shrugged. Hidan used his staff as a walking stick. Shikamaru eyed it.

"You don't really need that anymore, do you? Your health is improving pretty fast."

"It brings back memories." Hidan didn't look at him as they turned a corner to the next street.

"Fond ones, I'm sure." Shikamaru stated dryly. Hidan grimaced.

"Not really. All you freakin' heathens think the same. That I actually enjoy hurting people. That I enjoy pain." Hidan shook his head as he looked Shikamaru. "Can't you at least try to understand what my faith is about?"

"Not if it requires killing people."

Hidan sighed and continued looking ahead, his voice changed tenor to something softer but more magnetic to the ears,

"My faith is my way of living. Religion is a way of life. I live trying to follow all of its rules and principles. For you, for everybody here, being a shinobi is a way of life, right? Aren't you required to kill people, too?"

"It's always for the better. The people we kill are trying to hurt the innocent."

"That's what I do." At this, Shikamaru stiffened as memories of Asuma and his death came flooding back.

"You killed my sensei when he tried to kill you. How do you justify that? Are you saying that you were 'innocent'?" The last word dripped like poison from Shikamaru's mouth.

"I kill those that bring others unjustified pain." Hidan stopped walking and leaned his forehead against his staff, letting the wooden grain massage into his skin as he closed his eyes. "And no, I'm not saying I'm innocent. I'm a shinobi. Shinobi are never innocent. We're the dirtiest as people can get."

Shikamaru's anger appeared a little sated after this.

"So why don't you just kill yourself?"

Hidan continued walking once more and after a moment, he simply said,

"I couldn't even if I tried. And believe me, I've tried." Shikamaru paused and stared after Hidan. His back was covered by a long cloak that flowed behind him as he walked, that is until a little boy ran out from between the nearby fruit stands and began tugging on it.

"Hey mister! Hey mister! Do you have any sheep?" Hidan paused and cocked an eyebrow at the child as he bent down to examine him.

"Eh?...Sheep? Why would I have sheep?" The boy pointed a finger at his staff,

"Well, you're a shepherd, aren't you? All shepherds have sheep!"

Hidan looked at his staff and his brow twitched, "I'm not some freakin' shepherd kid, I'm a shinobi. Now beat it." The child seemed to be contemplating what he said, so Hidan stood back up and began walking away before he felt another pull on his cloak.

"Then do you have any nin-sheep?"

"Argh!"

--

Later, in the Hokage's office.

"So what do you have for me today? I heard Hidan did something to a civilian child, why haven't you brought him in?" It seemed that Tsunade was just hunting for a reason not to trust Hidan. The quicker the decision on what to do with the ex-Akatsuki was made, the sooner she could get done worrying about him and Sakura.

Shikamaru stepped out of the shadows with a neutral face,

"…well…actually, I just wanted to let you that he hasn't done anything. On the contrary, he stayed fairly calm. He didn't try escaping when he was deliberately left alone in the training fields."

"Did he do anything to the civilian?"

"…nothing I wouldn't have done myself…"

"What did he do?" Tsunade demanded.

"He put the child on the roof of a building and told him to count sheep in the clouds." Tsunade 'hmphed' at this,

"I'm sure you'll approve of anything that has to do with your favorite past time."

"Actually, I did join the kid on the roof for a few minutes before bringing him back down to his parents."

"Typical."

"What do you expect? It's getting boring keeping an eye on him all the time." Shikamaru shrugged.

"So are you suggesting we lessen the security on him?" Tsunade asked over steepled hands.

"I'm saying that he hasn't shown any signs of trying to escape from Konoha. He doesn't even seem to be thinking about breaking our deal."

"hmmm….he's only stayed within Konoha so far, we haven't let him out yet, have we? And Sakura's said that he's fully healed and competent as a shinobi." Tsunade tapped her rouged lip with a finger.

"A bigger test this time?" Shikamaru didn't like the idea of doing anything more then watching from the shadows. He was just plain bored and tired. Hidan wasn't doing anything.

"No. We don't have time for tests anymore. I've heard that the Akatsuki are beginning to move again. SHIZUNE!"

--

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Hidan, get the door!" Sakura yelled from her study, her face half hidden behind a medical text which Hidan hadn't joined in reading, saying something about how he didn't need to know about his body since he could take anything out an examine it himself. Groaning, Hidan pulled his hands out of the sink of dirty dishes and rinsed them of the soap, since Sakura had put him on dish duty for no apparent reason other then to annoy him. As he made his way to the door, he grumbled about how he was a servant of Jashin and should not have to do such measly tasks as washing dishes. Upon opening the door, he found Shikamaru standing there, holding out a scroll.

"What's this?" Hidan took the scroll from him.

"It's a scroll, idiot. Just read it and find out." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Hidan scowled.

"I know that! Dammit, I'm asking what this is about! We haven't gotten any scrolls before."

"The Hokage is expecting you two later." And with that, Shikamaru poofed away. Hidan looked at the scroll he was left with and made his way to Sakura in her study.

"Hey, Sakura….that one guy that hates me, Shika-something, gave me this just now." Hidan held up the scroll for her to see. Without looking up, she sighed,

"His name is Shikamaru-" Upon looking up and seeing the scroll's specifically colored markings, she immediately put her medical texts down. "Hidan…"

"What?"

"That's a mission scroll."

* * *

**Sooooo? How was it? And yes, if you haven't noticed, this is the last chapter for Morbid Curiosity. Stick around for the maybe-sequel that will possibly begin in late may. I'm pretty sure that's when I'll begin seeing Hidan in the anime. Oh, the inspiration.  
**

**I know there wasn't as much romance in this one, but it's hinting at it. Setting up the stage for the next story. Dawn of the Dead...yeah, yeah, stole the name of a craptastic movie, but there's symbolism within the title -wink wink-And I mean A LOT of symbolism.**

**Gimme Gimme 1 mo' tiem a really awesome, super fantastic review plz. TRY ANSWERING THE FOLLOWING!! (i'm not yelling, simply excited)**

* * *

QUESTIONQUESTION QUESTIONS! PREGUNTAS! POR FAVOR!

**1-What was your favorite part in the entire story? (parts?) Anything you didn't like?  
**

**2- What do you want to see more of in the maybe-sequel? It will be in the Romance/Adventure genre, so not so much fluff :(  
**

**3- Any good jokes you can crack about Hidan's zombie body?**

REVIEW **REVIEW **REVIEW **REVIEW PLZ PLZPLZPLZPLZ**

LOVE YOU ALL LOTS, Thanks so much for reading the entirety of my **very first fanfic!**

Maahiyum. Peace Out.

* * *


	19. SEQUEL!

H'okay muh dearest Morbid Curiosity Fanatics,

I just wanted to tell you

That the sequel to this story is finally here. I know, it's a few days late, but it's finally here, none the less, so go read it!

I changed my mind about calling it 'Dawn of the Dead' for various reasons ( I just don't like it anymore), so the real title is -drum roll-

_**A Morbid Acuteness of the Senses**_

Yeah, yeah, not that great, but it's actually taken from a quote from Edgar Allen Poe:

"He suffered much from a morbid acuteness of the senses"


End file.
